How do i cope next to my 2 sons conflict adjectives the time?
I have 4 year old and a 2 year old and i hold just given birth to a 3rd boy 7 weeks ago. My eldest two fight constantly. They swear at each other, see, throw things, spit and have recently taken to poking each others eyes out too! No business how I handle the situation, they don't listen to me. I have tried talking, shouting, punishing, sending to room, but nil works. I get them to apologise to each other and they do but then they are at it again! I live contained by a tiny 1 bedroom flat and i don't know if that has anything to do with it. My husband and I try and take them out to the park, grandma's etc but it doesn't evolution anything. The only thing that works is having one of them run and stay with his grandma for a few days. I cant keep doing this forever. I am at my wits end, I cry adjectives the time and feel that I cant cope, I just feel similar to i ought to cope, (there are women out there with 6 or 7 kids for God's sake) but i cant and that just make me feel worse. I do everything for the I have tried everything to distract them, games, PC, Art playing in tub, but all they want to do is fight and bicker over everything. This is affecting my care for my newborn because I cant sit for 10 mins to breastfeed for have to keep jumping and separating those 2! How do I deal beside this?
1 bedroom flat? How do you do it?! I lived within a 1.5 bedroom with my husband and son and we couldn't handle it anymore!
They are probably just sick of respectively other being in such close quarters adjectives the time. You will have to be consistent. Since the separation isn't working, try taking away toys or tv time. Tell them that if they hit or fight they will not be allowed to keep under surveillance their favorite show - and FOLLOW THROUGH. The thing to remember is that it might be worse for a few days before it gets better but don't bestow in because they will play you until you do! Kids are smart!
You could also try putting something in a jar for each of them at the commencing of the day. Like a fun size bag of M&Ms, a quarter, and a sticker (or whatever they would resembling that would motivate them) and every time they are naughty take a prize out. Tell them at the end of the year, whatever is left in the jar is theirs.
Good luck! I enjoy my 2 yr old nephew and 3 yr old son here fighting ALL DAY EVERY DAY and it is driving me nuts too :)
I sympathize. I have an almost 5 boy and an almost 3 boy and a 4 month prehistoric baby girl. We live in a small(by american standards) townhouse and I think that the close camp are an issue. At least my boys do have different floors to go to surrounded by a pinch. But you know what they don't choose to separate very often so obviosly the fighting is bothering me more than them. I consider that first of all you need to realize that boys that are close in age brawl and it is not your fault. Think about it, lion cubs fight constantly contained by order to learn how to survive as adult lions humans aren't much different. Sometimes you can be yell so much that the kids no longer listen to you and you also lose your confidence in your self. So pick your battles and be firm and confident about the behaviors that you won't allow. Let them tussle but don't stand for mean hurting. You either need to strip their room of all fun and interesting things or find a different spot to convey them for timeout. Timeout should be boring.
Honestly though I would not do this overnight. Why not start off with the problem of being competent to feed to baby. I know how bad it feel to pull this poor sweet baby off his feed yet again especailly when you feel like he's the one and only one not causing you problems. Make them sit on either side of you while you feed the kid. This accomplishes three things: the baby gets a nice feed, the boys are separated and within arm's reach, and you will begin to craft them understand that they they WILL mind you. I'm not saying this will be easy but it's a right first step. You will have to be in charge enough to receive them stay sitting for 10 - 20 minutes but if you can do this both you and the boys will begin to beleive again that you are to be listened to. Don't yell it merely escalates the "war" atmosphere. The trick is too look them straight in the eye and tell them you behave or else and fashion them beleive it. Good luck and know that your third will grow to be a very patient person.
Answers: Oftentimes children will fight with each other as a medium of getting attention from their parent(s). They know that if they fight you will intervene and give them some sort of attention, good or doomed to failure. The small apartment is adding to the problem because it's difficult to separate them and put them both into isolation.
You might try to reward good behavior and totally ignore the desperate behavior. When you see them playing well together, give them positive reinforcement, such as smiles and other indicators of approval. When they play nicely, distribute them some attention, such participating in play with them or working on some sort of household project, such as baking cookies or working on a crafts project. As soon as the bad behavior starts, promptly withdraw so that they have no attention from you. This might mean taking the kid into the bathroom and locking the door. The idea is to reinforce the positive behavior and extinguish the bad.
My two older kids be just awful around each other when they were little. I couldn't turn anywhere without them fighting and making a scene in public. I finally told them that if we go anywhere and they started the fighting, we would immediately go home. From consequently on, whenever it started, without saying anything at all, I would turn the vehicle around and steal them home. If on a long trip, I would just pull the car over to the side of the road and sit silently until they stopped the warfare. Eventually, they figured out how to behave better.
I recommend an excellent book for you to read: The Practical Parent: ABCs of Child Discipline by Raymond J. Corsini (Hardcover - Sep 1975). You can pick up a used copy on Amazon.com. This is the best book on child discipline I have ever read. It focuses on natural and logical consequences. For instance if a child results on the walls, the consequence is that they must wash the walls. It would make no sense to the child to lose TV privileges for the offense!
Lastly, don't beat up on yourself for not handling the situation better. Having three children lower than the age of five would overwhelm most people, both emotionally and physically. You need to have some time a moment ago for yourself each day. Perhaps after dinner each evening you can budge out for a walk while your husband cares for the kids.
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1 bedroom flat? How do you do it?! I lived within a 1.5 bedroom with my husband and son and we couldn't handle it anymore!
They are probably just sick of respectively other being in such close quarters adjectives the time. You will have to be consistent. Since the separation isn't working, try taking away toys or tv time. Tell them that if they hit or fight they will not be allowed to keep under surveillance their favorite show - and FOLLOW THROUGH. The thing to remember is that it might be worse for a few days before it gets better but don't bestow in because they will play you until you do! Kids are smart!
You could also try putting something in a jar for each of them at the commencing of the day. Like a fun size bag of M&Ms, a quarter, and a sticker (or whatever they would resembling that would motivate them) and every time they are naughty take a prize out. Tell them at the end of the year, whatever is left in the jar is theirs.
Good luck! I enjoy my 2 yr old nephew and 3 yr old son here fighting ALL DAY EVERY DAY and it is driving me nuts too :)
I sympathize. I have an almost 5 boy and an almost 3 boy and a 4 month prehistoric baby girl. We live in a small(by american standards) townhouse and I think that the close camp are an issue. At least my boys do have different floors to go to surrounded by a pinch. But you know what they don't choose to separate very often so obviosly the fighting is bothering me more than them. I consider that first of all you need to realize that boys that are close in age brawl and it is not your fault. Think about it, lion cubs fight constantly contained by order to learn how to survive as adult lions humans aren't much different. Sometimes you can be yell so much that the kids no longer listen to you and you also lose your confidence in your self. So pick your battles and be firm and confident about the behaviors that you won't allow. Let them tussle but don't stand for mean hurting. You either need to strip their room of all fun and interesting things or find a different spot to convey them for timeout. Timeout should be boring.
Honestly though I would not do this overnight. Why not start off with the problem of being competent to feed to baby. I know how bad it feel to pull this poor sweet baby off his feed yet again especailly when you feel like he's the one and only one not causing you problems. Make them sit on either side of you while you feed the kid. This accomplishes three things: the baby gets a nice feed, the boys are separated and within arm's reach, and you will begin to craft them understand that they they WILL mind you. I'm not saying this will be easy but it's a right first step. You will have to be in charge enough to receive them stay sitting for 10 - 20 minutes but if you can do this both you and the boys will begin to beleive again that you are to be listened to. Don't yell it merely escalates the "war" atmosphere. The trick is too look them straight in the eye and tell them you behave or else and fashion them beleive it. Good luck and know that your third will grow to be a very patient person.
Answers: Oftentimes children will fight with each other as a medium of getting attention from their parent(s). They know that if they fight you will intervene and give them some sort of attention, good or doomed to failure. The small apartment is adding to the problem because it's difficult to separate them and put them both into isolation.
You might try to reward good behavior and totally ignore the desperate behavior. When you see them playing well together, give them positive reinforcement, such as smiles and other indicators of approval. When they play nicely, distribute them some attention, such participating in play with them or working on some sort of household project, such as baking cookies or working on a crafts project. As soon as the bad behavior starts, promptly withdraw so that they have no attention from you. This might mean taking the kid into the bathroom and locking the door. The idea is to reinforce the positive behavior and extinguish the bad.
My two older kids be just awful around each other when they were little. I couldn't turn anywhere without them fighting and making a scene in public. I finally told them that if we go anywhere and they started the fighting, we would immediately go home. From consequently on, whenever it started, without saying anything at all, I would turn the vehicle around and steal them home. If on a long trip, I would just pull the car over to the side of the road and sit silently until they stopped the warfare. Eventually, they figured out how to behave better.
I recommend an excellent book for you to read: The Practical Parent: ABCs of Child Discipline by Raymond J. Corsini (Hardcover - Sep 1975). You can pick up a used copy on Amazon.com. This is the best book on child discipline I have ever read. It focuses on natural and logical consequences. For instance if a child results on the walls, the consequence is that they must wash the walls. It would make no sense to the child to lose TV privileges for the offense!
Lastly, don't beat up on yourself for not handling the situation better. Having three children lower than the age of five would overwhelm most people, both emotionally and physically. You need to have some time a moment ago for yourself each day. Perhaps after dinner each evening you can budge out for a walk while your husband cares for the kids.
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