Having trouble bonding near my 3 1/2 year ripened daughter?
I am a married and have 2 beautiful little girls, one 31/2 and one 7 months. I almost instantly bonded with the 7 month out-of-date but the 3 and 1/2 year old and I just seem to disagree more than agree. She be born with colic and for 5 months from about 4pm until 10pm or so she'd do nothing but cry. Everyone said you'll achieve over this and then you'll bond, still waiting. I mean it's not like I dislike intensely her, but I just don't feel about her as I do the littler one and I can honestly voice I don't think I ever have. I, myself, came from a out loud abusive up bringing and what I said I never would do or say to my children growing up I can see it coming out with her at times and I dislike it! She's a very head strong little girl,smart as a whip, and have a memory above most her age and I hate to detriment these attributes but she does and always has..(even previously I was even pregnant with my second,) push my buttons. I feel I necessitate to go to parenting school just to cram how to bond with her. She doesn't watch TV and can never seem to stay focused on any stir for more than 3 min. Anyone have any suggestions?
I agree near Guru, I'm sure she's acting out because of the sibling. Also, she may be able to sense your preference for her little sister, which could be making the bonding even more difficult.
I think your model of going to "parenting school" is heading in the right direction. You should seek out support and guidance about your morale from a group of some kind, whether it's an online group or a parenting group in your area.
I also reason you should consider joining some sort of play group that you and your daughter can go to. It could even be something like gymnastics, a music class, or library visits. Something where on earth the two of you can share an experience together on a regular basis.
As for not watching TV, that's a GREAT thing! TV isn't something she needs, so if she's not interested surrounded by it, all the better. Find other ways to occupy her time, like having her assistance you with the baby or household chores, coloring, inventing, playing make-believe. Best wishes!
possibly she has add or some form of autism...take her to the doc
Answers: She is 3 1/2 its most likely a phase she is going through as far as the bonding is concerned. for the not staying focused part very well again she is 3 1/2 most kids are really active at that age as well.. There are some underlying issues though. Since there is a "new" little one of the house she may feel that you are giving more attention to the baby then to her and sorta acting out. You do enjoy to lay some boundaries though you say you came from a verbally rude up bringing, don't let that effect your authority over raising your children . There is a real difference between an authoritative voice and a insolent onslaught. If she does something wrong you need to feel that you can hold control of the situation without seeming hurtful but you do need to have authority. If you judge that she is being abusive in a vocal way you need to make sure she know specifically not how she is to act. It could be that the reason she is acting out in this issue is that she doesn't know how else to communicate with you. Teaching manners and verbal communication will help beside these issues.
I do have some other wonders though.
What is your husbands involvement with raising the children is it direct or more of a stand by and see?
Do you apply time outs? If so How do you approach the situation to apply the time out?
There is more im sure but its all a start.
Hope this helps if you want more don't be afraid to send me a message :)
I also hold a 3 year old baby girl and she is the most amazing thing that i could ever be blessed next to.She also had colic as a baby so i understand how thorny that can be on a new mom.Have you tried meeting with a shrink to discuss this with or maybe your family doctor.toddlers are going to push buttons to see what they can and cannot do this is average.She may be doing this more just to receive your attention. Please remember that your daughter needs you more than anyone else on earth to love her and show her that you love her.possibly the two of you could play dress up or maybe a trip to the park could help you bond better with her.I really hope and pray that everything get better for the both of you,im sure she can sense your feelings and that breaks my heart.give her a hug and kiss and let her know how much you love her
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I agree near Guru, I'm sure she's acting out because of the sibling. Also, she may be able to sense your preference for her little sister, which could be making the bonding even more difficult.
I think your model of going to "parenting school" is heading in the right direction. You should seek out support and guidance about your morale from a group of some kind, whether it's an online group or a parenting group in your area.
I also reason you should consider joining some sort of play group that you and your daughter can go to. It could even be something like gymnastics, a music class, or library visits. Something where on earth the two of you can share an experience together on a regular basis.
As for not watching TV, that's a GREAT thing! TV isn't something she needs, so if she's not interested surrounded by it, all the better. Find other ways to occupy her time, like having her assistance you with the baby or household chores, coloring, inventing, playing make-believe. Best wishes!
possibly she has add or some form of autism...take her to the doc
Answers: She is 3 1/2 its most likely a phase she is going through as far as the bonding is concerned. for the not staying focused part very well again she is 3 1/2 most kids are really active at that age as well.. There are some underlying issues though. Since there is a "new" little one of the house she may feel that you are giving more attention to the baby then to her and sorta acting out. You do enjoy to lay some boundaries though you say you came from a verbally rude up bringing, don't let that effect your authority over raising your children . There is a real difference between an authoritative voice and a insolent onslaught. If she does something wrong you need to feel that you can hold control of the situation without seeming hurtful but you do need to have authority. If you judge that she is being abusive in a vocal way you need to make sure she know specifically not how she is to act. It could be that the reason she is acting out in this issue is that she doesn't know how else to communicate with you. Teaching manners and verbal communication will help beside these issues.
I do have some other wonders though.
What is your husbands involvement with raising the children is it direct or more of a stand by and see?
Do you apply time outs? If so How do you approach the situation to apply the time out?
There is more im sure but its all a start.
Hope this helps if you want more don't be afraid to send me a message :)
I also hold a 3 year old baby girl and she is the most amazing thing that i could ever be blessed next to.She also had colic as a baby so i understand how thorny that can be on a new mom.Have you tried meeting with a shrink to discuss this with or maybe your family doctor.toddlers are going to push buttons to see what they can and cannot do this is average.She may be doing this more just to receive your attention. Please remember that your daughter needs you more than anyone else on earth to love her and show her that you love her.possibly the two of you could play dress up or maybe a trip to the park could help you bond better with her.I really hope and pray that everything get better for the both of you,im sure she can sense your feelings and that breaks my heart.give her a hug and kiss and let her know how much you love her
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