I've be avoiding this grill for awhile immediately bc it's so personel but I can't hold it anymore i'm going craz?
Okay here it goes summed up as best as possible. My mom started foster care 5 years ago and last year adopt 5 children. Last month I found out that her oldest son (fixing to be 13) had been touching and doing horrible things to my daughter (7) and my moms two daughters (both 5) for awhile now. (FYI- it happen on the nights my daughter stayed with her grandma) I wanted to butcher this boy, I really did, it took everything I had not to. After he left we found all kind of letters he had written under his mattress. Stuff close to he was in love with my daughter and she better not report to "or else" stuff like at night time the evil spirits posess his body and make him do evil things. Real odd stuff he wrote, he drew a bunch of pictures, etc.
Now he has been staying with one of my moms friends untill DHS and the court established what to do with him. He told the person he's staying with that he never sleeps, he only acts likes he does and he knows everything everyone does. (see he requirements help)
Yesterday was the court date, he talked to the District Attorney, the Judge and Counslers. Now this kid had be in and out of counsleing for his whole life so he know how to fool them and well he did. There decision was to put him surrounded by a 'boys jail' for 30 days and then he is to return home. Thats is no counseling, no nothing. So what the fuc* this screwed up child that did this to my daughter and my moms daughters is to return home to them? The courts are treating it like it be a "child - child exploration" "that's a normal thing for children to expierment" Let me repeat the fact that this boy is almost 6 years elder than my daughter and did several things to her that she told him no.
Please help, any advice you have, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick to my stomach, I can't drink, I'm drained I can't even cry anymore I-----I just don't know what to do
talk to ur mother. get him out. u have court documents to prove something be happening. this wont be abandonment if u can show that there is JUST REASON to seize him out. even get a restraining order. put as much on file as humanly possible. if there's a form, teem it. if there's a anything, do it. put his sh*t on file after file after file. this tabloid trail will follow him long after u have left his sight.
u guys administer him back and chances are he will continue to own these issues and as u said grow up to continue this behavior, but documenting as much as possible at least gives the CHANCE that at hand will be help given to him long after ur gone from his sight. it helps u both ways. do everything u can to win him out. her sense of security in her own home will never be if hes there. im so sorry for this, i cant envisage what u must be going through.
call the cops. they wont arest him but they will clear a report about it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I suggest you focus on your daughter and what she requests. I also suggest that you and your mother get some counseling for all of the children involved.
As for this boy, has he be molested? was he molested in foster care? A lot of times this is how this type of things starts, I own worked with young men like him earlier (I used to work at a family wellness center, I worked with a lot of CPS cases) this child requests help, sure he might think he knows how to fool the counselors but the more he go to therapy the better it will be for him. Also, he can't be there anymore, he can't stay with your mother, this child is a difficulty to the other children, he needs to be separated from them. You have many option when it comes to this but the best option would be you taking temporary custody of the other children for your mother until she can figure out where on earth to place this boy. (we're talking just a few weeks here) Try talking to the District Attorney and contact Social Services i'm sure they can find something for him.
*Lauren, I enjoy been in the psychology field for various years, I have treated patients (including children), I have been a cog time college instructor, I have lectured, I have worked next to government agencies, including; department of rehabilitation, California State Prison system, Social Services, and The Department of Homeland Security. I'm telling you sweetheart, the only time sex act should be considered exploratory is when the children are with in 3 years of one another and the children in grill are under 12. That has always be the definition professionally, and criminally. What they have done has been a great injustice to your child as very well as your adopted siblings, and this boy, if he gets a slap on the wrist now for this he will verbs to behave this way. You and your mother need to take a stand next to him now, but please show him support and compassion when he does start to make break through in psychiatric help.
thats awul, i would be pissed off too, im sorry the courts wont do u any even-handedness :(
dont blame yourself, get your daughter help and keep your kids and any other kids away from him (and other foster kids). sorry, i dont want to make a contribution foster kids a bad rap, its just that the truth is: its not what CAN happen it is what DOES develop.
I work with children, and some of this response may may seem insensitive to the fact that this boy have hurt your daughter. Please don't take it that way, I think the reality that he hurt her is disgusting/horrible/sad. I'm a survivor of molestation myself, I understand it better than I would like...
It's my understanding that this boy have been adopted by your mother, correct? He is her problem now...he is her son. He requests to be in a counseling program def! You gotta wonder what kind of things have happen to him in the past that made him into this little monster. Remember how hard it is to be even a middle-of-the-road 13 year old boy (one who has been taken thinking of properly) to understand impulse control It is difficult, but a kid that has be passed around, abandoned, and probably hurt in similar ways himself will have an even tougher time of it-- don't forget that no business what he has done to your daughter, he probably learned it somewhere first hand, and requests help. He is still young enough where on earth someone can make a difference.
That said, I wouldn't let him be around your daughter or any other little girls without supervision (or even beside supervision until he has had some decent, specialized counseling.)
PLEASE acquire your daughter into some sort of comfortable therapy. Talking about what happened is the solitary way she'll be able to deal near it and move on. Thankfully she has a mom that cares and a family connections that understands. That will go a long way toward her putting this at the rear her. I really feel for you and your family going through all of this!
This is always a very difficult subject to deal near and is more commen than people know or want to admit to. My opinion and proposal for you is, yes watch your daughter and take your mothers adopted daughters for over dark visits with you more often once he returns home. I disagree beside the statement of returning him to the agency, I believe, your mother can help him, and you will all get through this, yes adjectives 3 girls need some sort of counseling, but don't force it let then step when they are ready. As for the boy, well yes I think a harder sentence would hold been more ideal but this is the hand that have been dealt, so from here, he need constant counseling.possibly even committed him for a 3 hours of daylight phyc eval by experts that can truly help,more than just counseling alone, he probably need some type of day after day meds, that everyone in the system has over looked. I don't think she should turn him away only like every other family has.she requests to help him through his troubles show him what a family really is, and that they work together and get through firm times, not just drop them on another door step because there were difficult times, I know it nouns hard, but I am speaking to you from my heart and through personal experience. I wish you all the luck contained by the world and my condolences to your daughter along with the rest of you going through it, as I personally know how difficult it is.
Answers: Is your mom still planning on taking him back? Either way I would preserve your daughter away from there and from this boy and you also need to get her some counseling to assist her deal with what happened to her or she could appendage up very confused.
I totally understand how you feel though. My youngest son be touched inappropriately by of all people my own father and my father denied it but I believed my son. I took him to a counselor to see what they thought. She was a counselor who specialized surrounded by abused children and she had enough experience to know if he was relating the truth (not that he would ever make something like that up anyway but I had to be sure since it be my father). The counselor had a private session with my son and told me she was 100% positive that it happen. He was able to give too plentiful details about things he wouldn't otherwise know yet. The counselor reported it to DCF because she had no choice anyway.
She told me we would probably take a call with in a couple days for someone to come tell to him. Well no one ever called from DCF, no one ever investigated it, not a soul ever questions my son or my father even though my 6 yr old niece wasliving with him and be also being touched according my son who said it happened when he slept over there and involved him and my niece.
I call and asked and they said they couldn't give me any info over the phone but that if it was an open overnight case someone would contact me.no one ever did. This was well over a year ago and zilch was ever done about it. I cut my father out of my life and own not spoken to or seen him since. My son went to counseling for a few months to deal next to what happened. Luckily it only happened once to him but I hold no idea about my niece who was living near and my sister wouldn't believe it so I don't talk to her anymore either as she sided with my father.
My son is doing much better presently, he was having some issues that gave me clues such as have daytime accidents all of a sudden and that has adjectives passed now.
So sorry that this happened to your daughter, it's so wrong.
Oh my god, Lauren...i'm so sorry. Just keep her away from him, don't let him near her. That's RIDICULOUS...a moment ago absolutely fcuked up. I don't even know what to say except what a little bastard, and to lately keep her away. Get her into some special counseling (maybe a child therapist where they play beside her and make sure she's okay) just to be on the safe side. You could even win a restraining order against him? Your family, you, your daughter, everyone that has be going through this is in my prayers...i'm so sorry.
Edit: She really needs to watch the little girls, and just supervised visits from now on. I would also request that he is removed from the home and put into another foster care agency. This is not a "Child exploration", **** that's not even close. I don't aid if they were close in age or not, that's wrong. I also wish for the best near this troubled little boy and that he can get his head in the right place since it's time to come home.
First of all I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. my heart go out to you and your family
It's plainly obvious to see that this young boy is a exposure to young girls, and has some extreme psyvhological issues.
I would push for psychiatric treatment, and not stop until it was granted, look on the web for organisations of people who have been through this and find out what they did.
I fully think through that you do not want him returned home while he may still pose a threat to the younger girlsbut I also feel he need your support.
For a boy so young to ba ablke to play mind control games next to mental health proffesionals is an extremely dangerouse situation. demand he is assessed again, and again until YOU are satisfied near the result, not the doctors.
If he is definately a danger I would possibly consider fostering him to another family with NO other children. for a while, you involve to put your daughters need first as she is the one in danger.
This is adjectives I can think to suggest,. but I sincerely hope this gets resolved soon.
Please try to eat a bit more, sounds silly but you requirement your strength now for you and your family, if you make yourself sick by not eating you will just cause yourself more heartache
Good luck
EDIT Having though around it a bit more, I would just send this child back into the caution system, he need to be in some sort of institunional care syste, except being fostered to anyone. He could strike anywhere, or I fear he could extremely seriously harm a child or even shoot.
Just get him out of your life as soon as possible for the benefit of all involved.
Also, be his history never declared when your mum chose to foster him? I foster and I get a copy of case notes on respectively child I take into my home. If nothing was ever declared I would be straight on the phone to my attorney and be claiming compensation for each of his victims.
okay. i own no advice. i do have my own story. i was molested by my uncle. i be about 4ish and he was about 13ish. as an grown now i know this - at 13 he wasnt a monster. he was a little boy who needed minister to and very very likely have some bad stuff happen to him. (knowing a bit about his loved ones history helps make that assumption). he never got give a hand. his father, my grandfather, refused to acknowledge it. basically pretended it didnt happen and everything be fine.
fast forward - the man is still a sicko. some i know for fact, some i know based on gut state of mind. he deserves to be in jail now lucklessly i cant prove a freaking thing - not just to me but others. my hands are tied at this point.
i will he could have gotten some kind of help. seriously i do. if he have gotten help at that age, i really believe that he could have been save. i dont think that jails do anything for sexual predators, especially children ones. as an adult doing things approaching that to kids - they should be locked away for their entire life. a kid, im not so sure about. and this is coming from someone who was abused. i want to believe that they can be help if they get the right treatment. i do. maybe im naive. would i enjoy different feelings if it happened to my kids? i dont know. i really dont.
i would assume the best thing you can do is, carry some counseling your self. i cant speak for you but for me if something happened to my kids i would be blaming myself every second of every day - even though that is completely unnecessary. have been through it it would be kill me to know i couldnt "save" my daughter or son from that. i would need some facilitate dealing with that and possibly some rage.
you can only do the best you can.
best of luck.
expurgate - wow so she has adopted him and he has other young-looking girls around him? and the courts dont think he needs anything but 30 days in a put in prison? omg what state is that? thats crazy. i would say i would seriously fight the courts. if that did no good - ego go public with my story. maybe find a path to keep daughters name out of the press but start making clap. the public hates this sort of thing (good reasons too) and everyone making decision regarding this boy are up for elections. plus they have a reputation to uphold. go after them that agency. is it right? who knows but seriously thats what i would do - start at the papers and even the local news stations.
Your mother should tell the foster agency that she no longer wishes to have this boy contained by her care. He should be placed in a foster home with just other boys living there. And if you mom continues to allow him to live there, then your daughter clearly should not visit grandma. I just re read that and did your mother actually adopt this boy as resourcefully? If she is now his adoptive mother i am not sure what can really be done. You may just have to not allow your daughter to look in and if she does, supervised visits only. As for your mother, she needs to really scrutinize her little 5 year old girls. Best of luck to all of you, including the little boy. Its obvious he desires some real help. Maybe have your mother contact a counselor and look for youth homes he may know how to live in while he recieves treatment. What a horrible situation for all involved.
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Now he has been staying with one of my moms friends untill DHS and the court established what to do with him. He told the person he's staying with that he never sleeps, he only acts likes he does and he knows everything everyone does. (see he requirements help)
Yesterday was the court date, he talked to the District Attorney, the Judge and Counslers. Now this kid had be in and out of counsleing for his whole life so he know how to fool them and well he did. There decision was to put him surrounded by a 'boys jail' for 30 days and then he is to return home. Thats is no counseling, no nothing. So what the fuc* this screwed up child that did this to my daughter and my moms daughters is to return home to them? The courts are treating it like it be a "child - child exploration" "that's a normal thing for children to expierment" Let me repeat the fact that this boy is almost 6 years elder than my daughter and did several things to her that she told him no.
Please help, any advice you have, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick to my stomach, I can't drink, I'm drained I can't even cry anymore I-----I just don't know what to do
talk to ur mother. get him out. u have court documents to prove something be happening. this wont be abandonment if u can show that there is JUST REASON to seize him out. even get a restraining order. put as much on file as humanly possible. if there's a form, teem it. if there's a anything, do it. put his sh*t on file after file after file. this tabloid trail will follow him long after u have left his sight.
u guys administer him back and chances are he will continue to own these issues and as u said grow up to continue this behavior, but documenting as much as possible at least gives the CHANCE that at hand will be help given to him long after ur gone from his sight. it helps u both ways. do everything u can to win him out. her sense of security in her own home will never be if hes there. im so sorry for this, i cant envisage what u must be going through.
call the cops. they wont arest him but they will clear a report about it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I suggest you focus on your daughter and what she requests. I also suggest that you and your mother get some counseling for all of the children involved.
As for this boy, has he be molested? was he molested in foster care? A lot of times this is how this type of things starts, I own worked with young men like him earlier (I used to work at a family wellness center, I worked with a lot of CPS cases) this child requests help, sure he might think he knows how to fool the counselors but the more he go to therapy the better it will be for him. Also, he can't be there anymore, he can't stay with your mother, this child is a difficulty to the other children, he needs to be separated from them. You have many option when it comes to this but the best option would be you taking temporary custody of the other children for your mother until she can figure out where on earth to place this boy. (we're talking just a few weeks here) Try talking to the District Attorney and contact Social Services i'm sure they can find something for him.
*Lauren, I enjoy been in the psychology field for various years, I have treated patients (including children), I have been a cog time college instructor, I have lectured, I have worked next to government agencies, including; department of rehabilitation, California State Prison system, Social Services, and The Department of Homeland Security. I'm telling you sweetheart, the only time sex act should be considered exploratory is when the children are with in 3 years of one another and the children in grill are under 12. That has always be the definition professionally, and criminally. What they have done has been a great injustice to your child as very well as your adopted siblings, and this boy, if he gets a slap on the wrist now for this he will verbs to behave this way. You and your mother need to take a stand next to him now, but please show him support and compassion when he does start to make break through in psychiatric help.
thats awul, i would be pissed off too, im sorry the courts wont do u any even-handedness :(
dont blame yourself, get your daughter help and keep your kids and any other kids away from him (and other foster kids). sorry, i dont want to make a contribution foster kids a bad rap, its just that the truth is: its not what CAN happen it is what DOES develop.
I work with children, and some of this response may may seem insensitive to the fact that this boy have hurt your daughter. Please don't take it that way, I think the reality that he hurt her is disgusting/horrible/sad. I'm a survivor of molestation myself, I understand it better than I would like...
It's my understanding that this boy have been adopted by your mother, correct? He is her problem now...he is her son. He requests to be in a counseling program def! You gotta wonder what kind of things have happen to him in the past that made him into this little monster. Remember how hard it is to be even a middle-of-the-road 13 year old boy (one who has been taken thinking of properly) to understand impulse control It is difficult, but a kid that has be passed around, abandoned, and probably hurt in similar ways himself will have an even tougher time of it-- don't forget that no business what he has done to your daughter, he probably learned it somewhere first hand, and requests help. He is still young enough where on earth someone can make a difference.
That said, I wouldn't let him be around your daughter or any other little girls without supervision (or even beside supervision until he has had some decent, specialized counseling.)
PLEASE acquire your daughter into some sort of comfortable therapy. Talking about what happened is the solitary way she'll be able to deal near it and move on. Thankfully she has a mom that cares and a family connections that understands. That will go a long way toward her putting this at the rear her. I really feel for you and your family going through all of this!
This is always a very difficult subject to deal near and is more commen than people know or want to admit to. My opinion and proposal for you is, yes watch your daughter and take your mothers adopted daughters for over dark visits with you more often once he returns home. I disagree beside the statement of returning him to the agency, I believe, your mother can help him, and you will all get through this, yes adjectives 3 girls need some sort of counseling, but don't force it let then step when they are ready. As for the boy, well yes I think a harder sentence would hold been more ideal but this is the hand that have been dealt, so from here, he need constant counseling.possibly even committed him for a 3 hours of daylight phyc eval by experts that can truly help,more than just counseling alone, he probably need some type of day after day meds, that everyone in the system has over looked. I don't think she should turn him away only like every other family has.she requests to help him through his troubles show him what a family really is, and that they work together and get through firm times, not just drop them on another door step because there were difficult times, I know it nouns hard, but I am speaking to you from my heart and through personal experience. I wish you all the luck contained by the world and my condolences to your daughter along with the rest of you going through it, as I personally know how difficult it is.
Answers: Is your mom still planning on taking him back? Either way I would preserve your daughter away from there and from this boy and you also need to get her some counseling to assist her deal with what happened to her or she could appendage up very confused.
I totally understand how you feel though. My youngest son be touched inappropriately by of all people my own father and my father denied it but I believed my son. I took him to a counselor to see what they thought. She was a counselor who specialized surrounded by abused children and she had enough experience to know if he was relating the truth (not that he would ever make something like that up anyway but I had to be sure since it be my father). The counselor had a private session with my son and told me she was 100% positive that it happen. He was able to give too plentiful details about things he wouldn't otherwise know yet. The counselor reported it to DCF because she had no choice anyway.
She told me we would probably take a call with in a couple days for someone to come tell to him. Well no one ever called from DCF, no one ever investigated it, not a soul ever questions my son or my father even though my 6 yr old niece wasliving with him and be also being touched according my son who said it happened when he slept over there and involved him and my niece.
I call and asked and they said they couldn't give me any info over the phone but that if it was an open overnight case someone would contact me.no one ever did. This was well over a year ago and zilch was ever done about it. I cut my father out of my life and own not spoken to or seen him since. My son went to counseling for a few months to deal next to what happened. Luckily it only happened once to him but I hold no idea about my niece who was living near and my sister wouldn't believe it so I don't talk to her anymore either as she sided with my father.
My son is doing much better presently, he was having some issues that gave me clues such as have daytime accidents all of a sudden and that has adjectives passed now.
So sorry that this happened to your daughter, it's so wrong.
Oh my god, Lauren...i'm so sorry. Just keep her away from him, don't let him near her. That's RIDICULOUS...a moment ago absolutely fcuked up. I don't even know what to say except what a little bastard, and to lately keep her away. Get her into some special counseling (maybe a child therapist where they play beside her and make sure she's okay) just to be on the safe side. You could even win a restraining order against him? Your family, you, your daughter, everyone that has be going through this is in my prayers...i'm so sorry.
Edit: She really needs to watch the little girls, and just supervised visits from now on. I would also request that he is removed from the home and put into another foster care agency. This is not a "Child exploration", **** that's not even close. I don't aid if they were close in age or not, that's wrong. I also wish for the best near this troubled little boy and that he can get his head in the right place since it's time to come home.
First of all I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. my heart go out to you and your family
It's plainly obvious to see that this young boy is a exposure to young girls, and has some extreme psyvhological issues.
I would push for psychiatric treatment, and not stop until it was granted, look on the web for organisations of people who have been through this and find out what they did.
I fully think through that you do not want him returned home while he may still pose a threat to the younger girlsbut I also feel he need your support.
For a boy so young to ba ablke to play mind control games next to mental health proffesionals is an extremely dangerouse situation. demand he is assessed again, and again until YOU are satisfied near the result, not the doctors.
If he is definately a danger I would possibly consider fostering him to another family with NO other children. for a while, you involve to put your daughters need first as she is the one in danger.
This is adjectives I can think to suggest,. but I sincerely hope this gets resolved soon.
Please try to eat a bit more, sounds silly but you requirement your strength now for you and your family, if you make yourself sick by not eating you will just cause yourself more heartache
Good luck
EDIT Having though around it a bit more, I would just send this child back into the caution system, he need to be in some sort of institunional care syste, except being fostered to anyone. He could strike anywhere, or I fear he could extremely seriously harm a child or even shoot.
Just get him out of your life as soon as possible for the benefit of all involved.
Also, be his history never declared when your mum chose to foster him? I foster and I get a copy of case notes on respectively child I take into my home. If nothing was ever declared I would be straight on the phone to my attorney and be claiming compensation for each of his victims.
okay. i own no advice. i do have my own story. i was molested by my uncle. i be about 4ish and he was about 13ish. as an grown now i know this - at 13 he wasnt a monster. he was a little boy who needed minister to and very very likely have some bad stuff happen to him. (knowing a bit about his loved ones history helps make that assumption). he never got give a hand. his father, my grandfather, refused to acknowledge it. basically pretended it didnt happen and everything be fine.
fast forward - the man is still a sicko. some i know for fact, some i know based on gut state of mind. he deserves to be in jail now lucklessly i cant prove a freaking thing - not just to me but others. my hands are tied at this point.
i will he could have gotten some kind of help. seriously i do. if he have gotten help at that age, i really believe that he could have been save. i dont think that jails do anything for sexual predators, especially children ones. as an adult doing things approaching that to kids - they should be locked away for their entire life. a kid, im not so sure about. and this is coming from someone who was abused. i want to believe that they can be help if they get the right treatment. i do. maybe im naive. would i enjoy different feelings if it happened to my kids? i dont know. i really dont.
i would assume the best thing you can do is, carry some counseling your self. i cant speak for you but for me if something happened to my kids i would be blaming myself every second of every day - even though that is completely unnecessary. have been through it it would be kill me to know i couldnt "save" my daughter or son from that. i would need some facilitate dealing with that and possibly some rage.
you can only do the best you can.
best of luck.
expurgate - wow so she has adopted him and he has other young-looking girls around him? and the courts dont think he needs anything but 30 days in a put in prison? omg what state is that? thats crazy. i would say i would seriously fight the courts. if that did no good - ego go public with my story. maybe find a path to keep daughters name out of the press but start making clap. the public hates this sort of thing (good reasons too) and everyone making decision regarding this boy are up for elections. plus they have a reputation to uphold. go after them that agency. is it right? who knows but seriously thats what i would do - start at the papers and even the local news stations.
Your mother should tell the foster agency that she no longer wishes to have this boy contained by her care. He should be placed in a foster home with just other boys living there. And if you mom continues to allow him to live there, then your daughter clearly should not visit grandma. I just re read that and did your mother actually adopt this boy as resourcefully? If she is now his adoptive mother i am not sure what can really be done. You may just have to not allow your daughter to look in and if she does, supervised visits only. As for your mother, she needs to really scrutinize her little 5 year old girls. Best of luck to all of you, including the little boy. Its obvious he desires some real help. Maybe have your mother contact a counselor and look for youth homes he may know how to live in while he recieves treatment. What a horrible situation for all involved.
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