Should I permit my ex-wife enjoy contact next to our daughter?
Due to a laundry list of reasons I had my ex-wifes parental rights terminated. My ex currently lives surrounded by England with her boyfriend, and doesn't make much of an effort to contact our daughter. However I'm sure not far down the road she will want to chat to or see our daughter. Now, I will never allow her to spend time alone with her, all visits would be supervised. But I'm not sure if I should consent to her see, or talk to her if she is going to only call when the mood strikes her right once or twice a year. But I also don't want to deny my daughter the right to know her mother, even if it's a moment ago a little, and have her resent me for it later on. And what roughly speaking my wife's parents (my daughters grandparents). Should they be able to keep in touch near her a few times a year even if my ex isn't? Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
yes yes yes. if you don't give your daughter the opportunity to have a relationship with her mother, she will singular grow to blame you for it. she will see for her self that it is her mother that doesn't always want to be there. maybe contained by time she will make the decision to cut the ties with her mother. my mother be in the same position as you, with me. my father simply came around maybe once a year. when i turned 16 i decided that i didn't want anything to do near him anymore. i never blamed my mother for any of it. im thankful that she let me learn in the region of my father on my own. if she refused visitation with him, i would think that it's her blemish that i never had a relationship with my father.
As a sole custody parent, it is your necessity to protect your daughter..and if you do not feel that the circumstances are such that meeting her would not be in her best interests, afterwards I say no! BUT! When she is older ( 15-18) then administer her the option...let her find out for herself then and put together the choice whether or not to continue contact. Remember your ex's issues were probably more with you and herself than next to your daughter.
Yes, I think you should let your ex-wife to contact your daughter. Reason is, she does NEED to speak/see/interact near her mother. It wouldn't exactly be fair or nice to have you keep away her from contacting your kid. I hope things work out, though! But when the time is given, consent to them talk! A kid needs their mommy--!! But best of luck to you!! If you feel humiliated about it why not try talking to the mother too and try and come to an understanding on how you guys want to do things. It's relatively sad that she doesn't contact you guys everyday for her daughter! It's her kid.. @~@ But good luck!
ethnic group should get an unlimited amount of chances, not forgiveness but at least the adjectives to try for it. JMHO
Yes because she is also her daughter. And the only way you shouldn't is if she or her parents are bad influences.
Yes, let the mother see your daughter, and by supervised I ruminate it should be YOU there or at least a relative. I think supervised by a stranger is particularly eerie for a child. And do your very best to allow her mother the SPACE during the visit to in actuality visit. DO NOT under any circumstances fight next to her.
Let your daughter know not to expect more than a visit here and there from her mother so she doesn't wait for her or draw from disappointed. Tell your daughter she loves her but that her Mom doesn't know how to be responsible.
As far as Grandparents, I don't see how it would hurt for them to visit her unless they badmouth anybody.
best wishes!
Answers: I think it really depends on how behind the times your daughter is. If she is mature enough, I would let HER sort the decision whether or not she wants to interact with her Mother. (And even if your daughter is lone 6 or 7, at least try to talk with her and see how she feel about her Mom.) If her Mom says "I'll call" and never does, or "I'll be there" and never is, it won't take long for your daughter to right to be heard "ENOUGH". But at least you gave them the chance.
If your daughter is still a toddler, I would homily to your ex. Make it VERY clear that if she wants a relationship with your daughter, she will have to work her butt sour to prove that she will be there whenever your daughter needs her... not just when it's convenient.
As far as the Grandparents... I would deem that issue separately from your ex. I would say that so long as they treat your daughter right, and she comes first, it would be fine. Just because their daughter's a douche doesn't mean that they are. :) Make sure that they follow your rules for your daughter (bedtime, diet, responsibilities, etc), and make sure that you permit them know the situation with their daughter... that them sneaking your Ex in to see YOUR daughter will not be tolerated.
Lastly, I would play it by ear, based on the wishes of your daughter. If you allow your Ex to call in on Christmas (for example), but she keeps showing up late -or not at all- your daughter may decide that she doesn't want a relationship near her Mother after all. OR, your little girl may start asking for her Mother when she gets closer to puberty and going through "woman issues". Don't be afraid to re-evaluate occasionally, based on what your daughter requirements.
I know you want to protect her from heartache (and possibly other abuse?!), but sadly, your daughter may have to swot up that first-hand from her Mother. The best advice I can give is to let your daughter revise for herself, but be there to catch her when she falls. Let her know that YOU love her, and make sure to reassure her that she have no fault in her Mother's actions.
Good luck! :)
Consider what kind of soul is your ex. Is she an abusive person? Neglect is a form of abuse. Is she a user cold person? The kind of person that solely gets in touch when she needs/wants something. Is she a game player? The big-hearted of person who says she will do something and then it never happen. Please forgive me, I am not trying to paint her into something that she may not be. I am trying to help you think of your daughter's best interests and if the ex is any of the above mentioned, then you are certainly right in keeping the ex away from your daughter.
I went through having my daughter's father push me into have a child when I was only 19 years old lone to find out the hard way that he wanted nil to do with helping to raise our daughter. He shrugged the beans out of responsibility. I then moved on away from him near our daughter. He tried to get her from me in child court just so he could hold her live with his sister and she could collect welfare for my girl. I told the courts that made absolutely no sense and they let me hang on to my girl. He did not contact us much at all because (like I said) he did not want to be responsible to or for my girl. In fact, he had a through fit when we were at the hospital and the staff asked about putting his name on the birth permit. He did not want the govt. to take anything out of his pay checks to support her. Totally not cool hey.?
So please think just about the kind of person the ex is before you allow contact. As far as the distinguished parents, again think about the kind of those they are too and whether or not they would put your girl in contact with her mom. Would this become a win win situation for all folks involved or not? Mostly, would this be genuinely healthy for your girl? One more thing to remember, eventually your daughter will grow up and become a developed adult. Make sure that the messages you give her about her mom are positive messages. At matching time, never sugar coat the truth. That way she may be less likely to resent you latter on.
I don't mind sharing with you a bit about my childhood. As I was growing up, I go through a lot of foster homes and when I finally landed at the last one I be in, I pushed my foster parents to adopt me. For reasons of security for myself. In the second one I was in, my foster mom withheld information about my unprocessed mom until "she thought I could handle it." That was and still is extremely hurtful for me. I don't trust many women for this defence and more. I believe that our children deserve to be told the absolute truth about the other parent when one is absent. Honesty truly is the best policy when it comes to unreal parents. Be respectful in what you say to your child about the other parent and be honest in the region of too.
Lots of love, strength and wisdom to you my friend, Love Sheila H.
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yes yes yes. if you don't give your daughter the opportunity to have a relationship with her mother, she will singular grow to blame you for it. she will see for her self that it is her mother that doesn't always want to be there. maybe contained by time she will make the decision to cut the ties with her mother. my mother be in the same position as you, with me. my father simply came around maybe once a year. when i turned 16 i decided that i didn't want anything to do near him anymore. i never blamed my mother for any of it. im thankful that she let me learn in the region of my father on my own. if she refused visitation with him, i would think that it's her blemish that i never had a relationship with my father.
As a sole custody parent, it is your necessity to protect your daughter..and if you do not feel that the circumstances are such that meeting her would not be in her best interests, afterwards I say no! BUT! When she is older ( 15-18) then administer her the option...let her find out for herself then and put together the choice whether or not to continue contact. Remember your ex's issues were probably more with you and herself than next to your daughter.
Yes, I think you should let your ex-wife to contact your daughter. Reason is, she does NEED to speak/see/interact near her mother. It wouldn't exactly be fair or nice to have you keep away her from contacting your kid. I hope things work out, though! But when the time is given, consent to them talk! A kid needs their mommy--!! But best of luck to you!! If you feel humiliated about it why not try talking to the mother too and try and come to an understanding on how you guys want to do things. It's relatively sad that she doesn't contact you guys everyday for her daughter! It's her kid.. @~@ But good luck!
ethnic group should get an unlimited amount of chances, not forgiveness but at least the adjectives to try for it. JMHO
Yes because she is also her daughter. And the only way you shouldn't is if she or her parents are bad influences.
Yes, let the mother see your daughter, and by supervised I ruminate it should be YOU there or at least a relative. I think supervised by a stranger is particularly eerie for a child. And do your very best to allow her mother the SPACE during the visit to in actuality visit. DO NOT under any circumstances fight next to her.
Let your daughter know not to expect more than a visit here and there from her mother so she doesn't wait for her or draw from disappointed. Tell your daughter she loves her but that her Mom doesn't know how to be responsible.
As far as Grandparents, I don't see how it would hurt for them to visit her unless they badmouth anybody.
best wishes!
Answers: I think it really depends on how behind the times your daughter is. If she is mature enough, I would let HER sort the decision whether or not she wants to interact with her Mother. (And even if your daughter is lone 6 or 7, at least try to talk with her and see how she feel about her Mom.) If her Mom says "I'll call" and never does, or "I'll be there" and never is, it won't take long for your daughter to right to be heard "ENOUGH". But at least you gave them the chance.
If your daughter is still a toddler, I would homily to your ex. Make it VERY clear that if she wants a relationship with your daughter, she will have to work her butt sour to prove that she will be there whenever your daughter needs her... not just when it's convenient.
As far as the Grandparents... I would deem that issue separately from your ex. I would say that so long as they treat your daughter right, and she comes first, it would be fine. Just because their daughter's a douche doesn't mean that they are. :) Make sure that they follow your rules for your daughter (bedtime, diet, responsibilities, etc), and make sure that you permit them know the situation with their daughter... that them sneaking your Ex in to see YOUR daughter will not be tolerated.
Lastly, I would play it by ear, based on the wishes of your daughter. If you allow your Ex to call in on Christmas (for example), but she keeps showing up late -or not at all- your daughter may decide that she doesn't want a relationship near her Mother after all. OR, your little girl may start asking for her Mother when she gets closer to puberty and going through "woman issues". Don't be afraid to re-evaluate occasionally, based on what your daughter requirements.
I know you want to protect her from heartache (and possibly other abuse?!), but sadly, your daughter may have to swot up that first-hand from her Mother. The best advice I can give is to let your daughter revise for herself, but be there to catch her when she falls. Let her know that YOU love her, and make sure to reassure her that she have no fault in her Mother's actions.
Good luck! :)
Consider what kind of soul is your ex. Is she an abusive person? Neglect is a form of abuse. Is she a user cold person? The kind of person that solely gets in touch when she needs/wants something. Is she a game player? The big-hearted of person who says she will do something and then it never happen. Please forgive me, I am not trying to paint her into something that she may not be. I am trying to help you think of your daughter's best interests and if the ex is any of the above mentioned, then you are certainly right in keeping the ex away from your daughter.
I went through having my daughter's father push me into have a child when I was only 19 years old lone to find out the hard way that he wanted nil to do with helping to raise our daughter. He shrugged the beans out of responsibility. I then moved on away from him near our daughter. He tried to get her from me in child court just so he could hold her live with his sister and she could collect welfare for my girl. I told the courts that made absolutely no sense and they let me hang on to my girl. He did not contact us much at all because (like I said) he did not want to be responsible to or for my girl. In fact, he had a through fit when we were at the hospital and the staff asked about putting his name on the birth permit. He did not want the govt. to take anything out of his pay checks to support her. Totally not cool hey.?
So please think just about the kind of person the ex is before you allow contact. As far as the distinguished parents, again think about the kind of those they are too and whether or not they would put your girl in contact with her mom. Would this become a win win situation for all folks involved or not? Mostly, would this be genuinely healthy for your girl? One more thing to remember, eventually your daughter will grow up and become a developed adult. Make sure that the messages you give her about her mom are positive messages. At matching time, never sugar coat the truth. That way she may be less likely to resent you latter on.
I don't mind sharing with you a bit about my childhood. As I was growing up, I go through a lot of foster homes and when I finally landed at the last one I be in, I pushed my foster parents to adopt me. For reasons of security for myself. In the second one I was in, my foster mom withheld information about my unprocessed mom until "she thought I could handle it." That was and still is extremely hurtful for me. I don't trust many women for this defence and more. I believe that our children deserve to be told the absolute truth about the other parent when one is absent. Honesty truly is the best policy when it comes to unreal parents. Be respectful in what you say to your child about the other parent and be honest in the region of too.
Lots of love, strength and wisdom to you my friend, Love Sheila H.
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