What do I do if my husband chooses his daughter over me?

Get over yourself!

I'm sorry but the girl is 11 years older, she has to cope with only seeing her dad next to another woman, and getting use to life without him around constantly.

If she's living in such appalling conditions this can also be playing on her mind.

Not solely that but I bet her body is going throught some drastic changes as well!

If I had to choose between anyone and my kids my kids would winb hand down, so stop being selfish and complaining that he chooses his daughter over you, Thats what makes him a fitting parent.

Just give the kid some breathing space, Let her like you on her own terms, instead of nagging her tender her a make over, do some girly things together - you can't buy her love and acceptance.
You come into this relationship knowing he had a child before you. What did you expect? Get over it. Blood is thicker than water princess!
She's eleven -- she have authority figures in her life excluding her parents and she knows it: she wouldn't behave that way to a neighbor or teacher or coach or police (and if she would -- run resembling hell from that family). So, it's not really about her.

The situation is really about you and your husband. It's up to both of you to make your home into a loved ones. So, you have to stop thinking about it as "your house" and make sure your daughter feel like it's her house too; your husband has to make sure they aren't "wife's rules" but the family's rules where on earth everyone follows them. And like any other set of parents you both need to decide on legitimate rules and consequences. No, you're never going to be the primary parent (you're number 3 after all) but you do have the right not to be treated as a doormat.

As for leaving him. Again, it's up to you. But, keep surrounded by mind this isn't between you and your daughter (she's just going with what she's been taught) -- your issue is next to your husband.
Can you honestly blame your husband for choosing his daughter over you, if he didn't after what kind of man does that make him! It seems that you necessitate to find more ways to communicate or bond with your step-daughter trying spending one-on-one time with her, take her out for a spa year then to lunch. Maybe if you talk to her and get to know her better she'll unfold up to you and you all can come up with a compromise to get her to start human being more responsible. She could also be hurting because her mother doesn't appear to be the best mother figure in her life so she have to adjust to your rules and how you discipline in your household. But this isn't something you allow to ruin your marriage, because then the child receive that moment she's been waiting for, "You to give up!"
Move on.
if she destroys your stuff afterwards lock all of her toys away and put the cabinet doors under lock and key and explain to her she may have one small toy and ware one pare of clothed for 5 days! and if she asks for anything tell her if she wont listen to you then you wont listen to her!
I don't know how long you and your husband enjoy been together, but if it has been a minute, then maybe she still needs some time to draw from used to you. The best idea might be to go on a family leave, where you can all relax and get to know eachother out of the house. Where you can settle to her about improving her behavior, you should also not be too strict.
He doesn't respect you. He feels guilty that he divorced kid's mom. Unless you can get him to go to family/marr counseling, I'd relate him I'm outta there. The kid needs counseling, too: she's trying to see how much s**t you will take, and she feel abandoned by her mom, so she thinks you will abandon her too, and she's trying to see what will build you leave her. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

He is useless, I gotta say. I wouldn't put up beside his attitude, and he's not really in a marriage that's a partnership. He just wishes someone to take care of his brat.

I really, really admire you for trying so thorny.

I'm sorry, honey, but I don't see that he's a keeper. :-(
Your husbands daughter comes first, end of story, and if you don't agree, next you deserve everything you get from your step-daughter.
If you want to be respected like a mother, you need to ACT approaching one to this girl. Your step-daughter already understands this, that's why shes behaving this way. Why should she listen to you if you treat her resembling crap? You don't have children, so you don't know how to deal with children. You should cram. You can't put it all on her, because shes just doing whats to be expected in this benevolent of situation.
You married a man who has children, you should have known what you be getting yourself into. I have very little sympathy for women who think that a man next to children will be just like a man without children.
Well, this young girl has to deal beside a mom who apparently doesn't give a darn about her, and dad's new wife who also doesn't want to operation with her... I feel sorry for her. PLUS, her dad keeps trying to trade in her off on a woman who doesn't seem to like her much! You know what? I'd be acting up, too!

Your problem is next to her father; he needs to buck up, and spend time with HIS daughter... And, his family is 100% right: if you don't resembling it? Leave. What else can you do? There's no magic that's going to put an end to this, so if you don't like it, that's what you do... You get together with a man who has a child, and that child should come first... Deal with the consequences of your choice.

*edit* Oh, my... someone in actual fact said to give her a 'whooping,' cause you're not getting what you want? I can tell you this: if some stepmom, or *anyone* for that issue, laid a hand on my child, I'd beat their ***. Source(s): Married, with 4 kids.
Alright, there has to be compromise from both party here. His daughter, yes, she did come before you. Yes, you do realize you’re not her mother. Yes, he should choose his daughter BUT he shouldn’t HAVE to choose because he CAN have both!

He needs to stop his daughter from mortal disrespectful to ANY adult, not just you. She has no right, merely because you’re the “evil stepmom” to be rude to you in any way. Do you do her laundry? If so stop. Do you clean up after her? If so, stop. Do you cook dinner for her?

Explain to your husband that you live surrounded by this house too and you’re not asking him to choose. You’re just asking him to help you teach her to be respectful within the house. Since you do live there too and you are part of that household too.

Of course you’re not her mother, we all know this, but it doesn’t furnish her the right to be rude to you. You absolutely have to stop buying her stuff. Now if she pitches in during the week and give you less to no attitude, by all means, progress reward her with something. But she’s old enough to know that you don’t treat a human being the way she treats you. Put your foot down. (Heck, she already hates you so what damage can it do huh?)

I’m a stepmom and I am not a nobody within my house. My stepdaughter listens to me and respects me and we have no problems (yet). And now that I enjoy a son, her brother, I’m even more a stickler to rules. Because my son has to abide by those same rules – we have no favorites. Rules are rules!

Best of luck! I know it’s far from easy and the drama/stress is ample to make you crazy! Hang in there if you can. If you love your husband, newly try and work it out. She’s the child, you’re the adult….put your foot down…nicely! Source(s): Mom and stepmom
A couple of sad reality here I'm afraid. #1 - your husband will undoubtedly always choose HER over you.<divorced fathers carrying needless guilt who dearth parenting skills often do this> #2 - you must either accept this and gain over the frustration and stop expecting anything of her or thinking you will have a relationship with her - OR you need to go off.

Perhaps of course, if you threatened to leave, actually gone and he suddenly realized the error of his ways and you all went to counseling together to product things OK - that is possible even if not very probable...

I've see this many many times and it quite recurrently becomes the 'deal breaker' in a relationship/marriage. He is unsurprisingly not doing his daughter ANY favors by enabling this disrespectful behavior and he certainly is making it quite clear that YOU are not his priority and until he is inclined to switch that around in his HEAD and between the two of you I'm sorry to tell you this will NEVER change.
Stop doing her laundry,
put you make up away
be busy when she wants to go ... anywhere.
Yell at her for minor reason.
Generally make life hell, quietly.
It would kill me, but I would depart him. If he obviously can't even listen to what I have to say, later what's the point in staying around. You really need to give that girl a whooping.

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