What to do in the region of my boyfriends son?
Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend and his son and I knew all in the region of him when we got together. His name is adam and he is 3 1/2 now. When we first get together he was 2 3/4 and he was the most adorable thing out here. My boyfriend made it a point for him to be the most polite thing you had ever seen. He picked up adjectives his toys when he was told, asked before he did anything, tried to open doors for us.
The problem is adam doesn't do any of those things anymore. Now that his father and mother hold actually moved apart my boyfriend doesn't get to see him that often and feel he should let him do anything he wants. Adam no longer picks up after himself, doesn't go to bed when told. won't listen to a point I say to him. He helps himself to anything he wants, no issue where it is. I just dont know what to do anymore. My boyfriend gets barmy at me when i tell adam what to do, but he won't say anything to him. What do I do?
you need to tell your bf that he is wrong
you know he loves his son
and his son will know that he loves him Even though he teaches
him to be respectful and own manners
its better for the little one anyways
its not fair to you
Good luck!
You do nothing. He is NOT your child.
If you are uncomfortable with how he is raise his child, too bad.
You are not the parent and you will be fighting this battle forever if Daddy isn't ready to set reasonable limits for behavior.
Better decide in a minute if you are willing to get into that kettle of fish and if you plan to have your own children beside this man, how will they view the rules that 'big brother' gets to break while they have to conform them?
Answers: The answer to your situation is two-fold.
First, and most importantly, is OPEN COMMUNICATION between you and Adam's father. My suggestion is that you kindly voice to him just what you wrote in your question. Explain how he (both Adam and your boyfriend) hold changed as their living arrangements have changed. His father may want you to take an active role surrounded by his upbringing, and he may not want you to participate at all. Being that he is the father, that is his telephone call.
Being that I don't know how serious the relationship is between the two of you, this may in fact give you some insight as to what your boyfriend think of you and if he sees you as someone he wants in his energy for the long haul. (i.e., if he wants you around, I'd think he'd share parenting duties next to you when Adam is staying with you).
The second part is to look at HOW you are telling him to do those things: pick up toys, don't thieve something without asking for permission, etc. The brains of 3 year olds are little sponges. They soak up everything. Perhaps instead of telling him to do something, ask him to do it. Or the first few times, relieve him pick up toys, etc.
Situations in which you don't have the final say can be sticky at times, so it's better to treat the situation beside as much kindness as you can. Use positive reinforcement. (That's not the same as rewarding behavior). If he likes a distinctive TV show, try saying, "Oh! I'd turn on the TV, but the toys aren't picked up. We'll have to wait until the floor is verbs." You'll be teaching him responsability in the process.
Use bad manners as an opportunity to school, as opposed to tell him to do something or to not do something. If he reaches onto someone else's plate, don't snap, "Don't do that, Adam!" Try this approach... "Did you know that you're not supposed to arrive at onto my plate? I wanted that meatball. Would you be happy if I took your Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's (or whatever his favorite food is)? But I also close to to share with you! Next time, just ask me, okay?"
Not that a child is expected to open doors, but to initiate him good manners, you could, out of the blue, say, "Wow! I wish I have a big strong man to open this door for me...I can't!" ...then lavish him with praise, and comment on how strong he is, when he does establish to do it.
But above all, remember that he is a 3 year old whose parents just separated. He's probably have a tough time identifying everyone's roles within the family structure, especially in a minute that Mommy and Daddy don't live close to each other. With some understanding and help, he'll be out of this phase contained by a while.
You are going to hate me for saying this, but stay out of it. Period. That poor little boy's undamaged life was torn apart. And now, here's some woman (that would be you) scolding him. Nobody will love a child more than his own parents, do. A step mother (or girlfriend of a guy) will definitely never love or care as much as his parents do. And kids that aren't your/our own are super annoying-PERIOD. So, your boyfriend feels guilty for ruining Adam's life and he feel sorry for Adam that some bratty girl (you again) is yelling at his young son for not being sweet and unfaultable. I think you should back off! The poor kid have been through enough without some girl (you, however again) is telling him what to do and being frustrated with him. He probably misses his mom, which most kids that age do. Jeez, hold a heart and lay off the poor kid. And his dad. I hope his dad dumps you for even having the nerve to post such a grill about a kid that isn't yours "disturbing" your perfect household and plans for his dad (that don't include him). Shame on you. Lay off and be nice to the poor kid! He's be through enough already and he's probably sooooooo sad to have to look at your mug when he'd to some extent be cuddling with his mom.
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The problem is adam doesn't do any of those things anymore. Now that his father and mother hold actually moved apart my boyfriend doesn't get to see him that often and feel he should let him do anything he wants. Adam no longer picks up after himself, doesn't go to bed when told. won't listen to a point I say to him. He helps himself to anything he wants, no issue where it is. I just dont know what to do anymore. My boyfriend gets barmy at me when i tell adam what to do, but he won't say anything to him. What do I do?
you need to tell your bf that he is wrong
you know he loves his son
and his son will know that he loves him Even though he teaches
him to be respectful and own manners
its better for the little one anyways
its not fair to you
Good luck!
You do nothing. He is NOT your child.
If you are uncomfortable with how he is raise his child, too bad.
You are not the parent and you will be fighting this battle forever if Daddy isn't ready to set reasonable limits for behavior.
Better decide in a minute if you are willing to get into that kettle of fish and if you plan to have your own children beside this man, how will they view the rules that 'big brother' gets to break while they have to conform them?
Answers: The answer to your situation is two-fold.
First, and most importantly, is OPEN COMMUNICATION between you and Adam's father. My suggestion is that you kindly voice to him just what you wrote in your question. Explain how he (both Adam and your boyfriend) hold changed as their living arrangements have changed. His father may want you to take an active role surrounded by his upbringing, and he may not want you to participate at all. Being that he is the father, that is his telephone call.
Being that I don't know how serious the relationship is between the two of you, this may in fact give you some insight as to what your boyfriend think of you and if he sees you as someone he wants in his energy for the long haul. (i.e., if he wants you around, I'd think he'd share parenting duties next to you when Adam is staying with you).
The second part is to look at HOW you are telling him to do those things: pick up toys, don't thieve something without asking for permission, etc. The brains of 3 year olds are little sponges. They soak up everything. Perhaps instead of telling him to do something, ask him to do it. Or the first few times, relieve him pick up toys, etc.
Situations in which you don't have the final say can be sticky at times, so it's better to treat the situation beside as much kindness as you can. Use positive reinforcement. (That's not the same as rewarding behavior). If he likes a distinctive TV show, try saying, "Oh! I'd turn on the TV, but the toys aren't picked up. We'll have to wait until the floor is verbs." You'll be teaching him responsability in the process.
Use bad manners as an opportunity to school, as opposed to tell him to do something or to not do something. If he reaches onto someone else's plate, don't snap, "Don't do that, Adam!" Try this approach... "Did you know that you're not supposed to arrive at onto my plate? I wanted that meatball. Would you be happy if I took your Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's (or whatever his favorite food is)? But I also close to to share with you! Next time, just ask me, okay?"
Not that a child is expected to open doors, but to initiate him good manners, you could, out of the blue, say, "Wow! I wish I have a big strong man to open this door for me...I can't!" ...then lavish him with praise, and comment on how strong he is, when he does establish to do it.
But above all, remember that he is a 3 year old whose parents just separated. He's probably have a tough time identifying everyone's roles within the family structure, especially in a minute that Mommy and Daddy don't live close to each other. With some understanding and help, he'll be out of this phase contained by a while.
You are going to hate me for saying this, but stay out of it. Period. That poor little boy's undamaged life was torn apart. And now, here's some woman (that would be you) scolding him. Nobody will love a child more than his own parents, do. A step mother (or girlfriend of a guy) will definitely never love or care as much as his parents do. And kids that aren't your/our own are super annoying-PERIOD. So, your boyfriend feels guilty for ruining Adam's life and he feel sorry for Adam that some bratty girl (you again) is yelling at his young son for not being sweet and unfaultable. I think you should back off! The poor kid have been through enough without some girl (you, however again) is telling him what to do and being frustrated with him. He probably misses his mom, which most kids that age do. Jeez, hold a heart and lay off the poor kid. And his dad. I hope his dad dumps you for even having the nerve to post such a grill about a kid that isn't yours "disturbing" your perfect household and plans for his dad (that don't include him). Shame on you. Lay off and be nice to the poor kid! He's be through enough already and he's probably sooooooo sad to have to look at your mug when he'd to some extent be cuddling with his mom.
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