Sticky situation next to a really appropriate friend.direction needed!?
**I apologize for the length of this in advance!! I fixed to post here because I appreciate the advice of other fellow Moms and Dads!**
My best friend and I have known respectively other since the 5th grade. We are extremely close, yet live about 4 hours from respectively other now due to her husband's job. We rarely enjoy disagreements and are pretty open and honest with each other.on the other hand, I'm having trouble being honest about my vibrations lately.
Back for my best friend's 30th birthday in March, I traveled to surprise her for the weekend. I planned it with her husband so that he could watch their two children while I whisk my BF out for a day of beauty (manis, pedis), an expensive dinner at her favorite restaurant, a movie and dessert. We had a phenomenal time.a moment ago us! When I left the next day, she have stated that when it came time for my 30th (which is in 2 weeks), she would make sure we did something similar. I didn't reckon much of it.until now.
In talking with my BF, which we do a few times a week, she have let me know of all the plans she has beside her family coming up. They are going camping (during the week of my 30th) and after that, her nephew is getting baptized and the weekend after that is her son's birthday participant. I'm slowly beginning to realize that she has no intentions of coming out to see me. My husband has also said no contact have been made between my BF and himself.and he promises that and assures there is no surprise.
What bothers me is that my husband was laid-off, and I honestly didn't hold loads of money to spend on her birthday, but I did it because she is like a sister to me...and honestly, her husband is not the best and actually didn't have ANYTHING planned for her..which made me have a feeling horrible. He is a big-time lawyer, so the money is flowing for them.he could have done at least something for her.but he didn't.
Anyways, I did not honour her birthday in style because I wanted something in return, but it hurts that the intention is not here. Her husband has them booked solid...and I guess it is what it is.
Should I talk to her about it after my birthday have come and gone? Or just let it slide and understand she's get a lot going on?
perhaps all thos eplans she have told you about are a bid for you to think exactly what you are thinking - she isnt coming, then she turns up and its a big suprise?!
Perhapsshe will plan something after these family commitments she have.
I would def say something after your birthday, you don't have to dig at her freshly let her know that you were dissapointed yiou didnt get to see her on the actual afternoon, and see what she has to say to that.
There may be something going on that for whatever pretext she cannot tell you
I would just let it slide and make plans beside your family, then tell her what a fantastic birthday you have regardless. She cant always drop everything she is doing four hours away and come and see you. Perhaps she thought that since you had seen eachother 2 weeks ago that would be fine.
stuff resembling this will happen when u grow up and make a family..
If you think it will fashion you feel better ask her if she is wanting to come and spend the day with you for you BDay. Just voice that you want to have a girls day out without the kids and the hubbies..See what she say and you can go from there.Good Luck!! Happy Birthday Day
While I do think it is wrong for her to speak she is going to do something for you and then not do anything, I don't think you should mention it to her. You should never give a payment and then expect the same back. That is why it is a grant. Maybe she has something planned and is just trying to trick you with adjectives of her "upcoming plans" or maybe she really did forget. I would just let it shift. It's not worth risking a friendship over.
It could be two things - one an actual suprise for you - and that her list off other things is simply a way of to through you off track. Otherwise, if your birthday comes and go, I would mention it in a way, that you are upset she overlooked your birthday.
I regard some of the other posters are being a bit rough on you. You are only human, and I would be hurt too, esp. when she make big promises. Whether to permit it slide or not depends on how much it will fester and hurt your friendship. If it keeps bothering you it would be better to air it out than to lose the friendship.
I hope you have a great b-day, anyhow.
Answers: I think what makes this more disappointing is that she said she be going to do something similar for you. Had she not said anything on the day you left, I don't think you would hold been as disappointed. This really doesn't have to do with her reciprocate your gesture. It has more to do with her honoring her word.
If you are chitchat to her, you can casually ask her if she is still planning on coming to see you, since you want to make other plans if she's not coming. It's a low pressure, easy bearing to see what her plans are without dumping all your disappointment on her. It will give her a prospect to explain why she can't come right then, but she'll then have the opportunity to explore other option with you.
You have a lot of history together. I don't see anything wrong surrounded by asking her about her plans. A guilt trip isn't necessary, but since she herself mentioned coming out, I don't think it's discouraging to ask her if she will still be able to make the trip.
BTW -- Happy Birthday!!
you said it yourself you needed nothing in return then why should it hurt? don't wage to much attention to the matter go on with your natural life as best as you can, maybe you will be surprised maybe not but whatever agree to it go something so trivial should not come between friends and if anything this has taught you don't impart to much of yourself to anyone and I mean anyone its best to just give a card and your need you well or happy birthday.
Just tolerate it go. You might be upset but honestly, everything she has planned sounds like a legit explanation to not come visit you for your birthday. it's not like she's blowing you off for anything trivial. she might suprise you and engender it up to you later with a day out.
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My best friend and I have known respectively other since the 5th grade. We are extremely close, yet live about 4 hours from respectively other now due to her husband's job. We rarely enjoy disagreements and are pretty open and honest with each other.on the other hand, I'm having trouble being honest about my vibrations lately.
Back for my best friend's 30th birthday in March, I traveled to surprise her for the weekend. I planned it with her husband so that he could watch their two children while I whisk my BF out for a day of beauty (manis, pedis), an expensive dinner at her favorite restaurant, a movie and dessert. We had a phenomenal time.a moment ago us! When I left the next day, she have stated that when it came time for my 30th (which is in 2 weeks), she would make sure we did something similar. I didn't reckon much of it.until now.
In talking with my BF, which we do a few times a week, she have let me know of all the plans she has beside her family coming up. They are going camping (during the week of my 30th) and after that, her nephew is getting baptized and the weekend after that is her son's birthday participant. I'm slowly beginning to realize that she has no intentions of coming out to see me. My husband has also said no contact have been made between my BF and himself.and he promises that and assures there is no surprise.
What bothers me is that my husband was laid-off, and I honestly didn't hold loads of money to spend on her birthday, but I did it because she is like a sister to me...and honestly, her husband is not the best and actually didn't have ANYTHING planned for her..which made me have a feeling horrible. He is a big-time lawyer, so the money is flowing for them.he could have done at least something for her.but he didn't.
Anyways, I did not honour her birthday in style because I wanted something in return, but it hurts that the intention is not here. Her husband has them booked solid...and I guess it is what it is.
Should I talk to her about it after my birthday have come and gone? Or just let it slide and understand she's get a lot going on?
perhaps all thos eplans she have told you about are a bid for you to think exactly what you are thinking - she isnt coming, then she turns up and its a big suprise?!
Perhapsshe will plan something after these family commitments she have.
I would def say something after your birthday, you don't have to dig at her freshly let her know that you were dissapointed yiou didnt get to see her on the actual afternoon, and see what she has to say to that.
There may be something going on that for whatever pretext she cannot tell you
I would just let it slide and make plans beside your family, then tell her what a fantastic birthday you have regardless. She cant always drop everything she is doing four hours away and come and see you. Perhaps she thought that since you had seen eachother 2 weeks ago that would be fine.
stuff resembling this will happen when u grow up and make a family..
If you think it will fashion you feel better ask her if she is wanting to come and spend the day with you for you BDay. Just voice that you want to have a girls day out without the kids and the hubbies..See what she say and you can go from there.Good Luck!! Happy Birthday Day
While I do think it is wrong for her to speak she is going to do something for you and then not do anything, I don't think you should mention it to her. You should never give a payment and then expect the same back. That is why it is a grant. Maybe she has something planned and is just trying to trick you with adjectives of her "upcoming plans" or maybe she really did forget. I would just let it shift. It's not worth risking a friendship over.
It could be two things - one an actual suprise for you - and that her list off other things is simply a way of to through you off track. Otherwise, if your birthday comes and go, I would mention it in a way, that you are upset she overlooked your birthday.
I regard some of the other posters are being a bit rough on you. You are only human, and I would be hurt too, esp. when she make big promises. Whether to permit it slide or not depends on how much it will fester and hurt your friendship. If it keeps bothering you it would be better to air it out than to lose the friendship.
I hope you have a great b-day, anyhow.
Answers: I think what makes this more disappointing is that she said she be going to do something similar for you. Had she not said anything on the day you left, I don't think you would hold been as disappointed. This really doesn't have to do with her reciprocate your gesture. It has more to do with her honoring her word.
If you are chitchat to her, you can casually ask her if she is still planning on coming to see you, since you want to make other plans if she's not coming. It's a low pressure, easy bearing to see what her plans are without dumping all your disappointment on her. It will give her a prospect to explain why she can't come right then, but she'll then have the opportunity to explore other option with you.
You have a lot of history together. I don't see anything wrong surrounded by asking her about her plans. A guilt trip isn't necessary, but since she herself mentioned coming out, I don't think it's discouraging to ask her if she will still be able to make the trip.
BTW -- Happy Birthday!!
you said it yourself you needed nothing in return then why should it hurt? don't wage to much attention to the matter go on with your natural life as best as you can, maybe you will be surprised maybe not but whatever agree to it go something so trivial should not come between friends and if anything this has taught you don't impart to much of yourself to anyone and I mean anyone its best to just give a card and your need you well or happy birthday.
Just tolerate it go. You might be upset but honestly, everything she has planned sounds like a legit explanation to not come visit you for your birthday. it's not like she's blowing you off for anything trivial. she might suprise you and engender it up to you later with a day out.
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