Should i ever transmit my daughter the truth in the region of her dad?
She's 2 years old right now, so it'll be far off, but i'm other worrying about it. you see, my daughters biological father was abusive, he fluff up me up, spent all my money on weed, and beat me when i had nil. My daughter was conceived through pretty much raped. I only said yes to sex cos i was fearful he'd beat me. And when i found out i was pregnant, he left me. Let me right to be heard right now, i will NEVER take this out on her, i love my little girl to bits and wouldn't blame her for anything. Anyway, i started going out with my bf when she be 2 months old, 2 years ago on the 15th and she has called him daddy since she started discussion and since then i've done nothing but worry. I know that in the future i will have to tell her the truth, but what if she looks for him and he destroys her? Or what if she blames me for lying to her? or for him not seeing her?
He was given a fortune, but when it came to the last day to register her and he refuse to come to put his name down as her father i decided she didn't deserve a dad like that, be that wrong of me?
You report your daughter about it as soon as you think she is old satisfactory to understand. I have been a single dad for nearly 10 years. My daughter is a economically balanced young girl in her hasty teens and doing well at school. OK, I was never raped or physically abused but my ex vanished within 2 weeks of getting permission to stay in the UK. We fought the court battle and I won. Pretty unusual for a guy. Very harsh on my daughter. The decision has be hers ever since. Two years old is too young to comprehend but they must know the truth at some point. At 4-5, as my daughter was, they can settlement witrh far more truth than many parents give them credit for. You are in the fortunate position to own someone who cares for you and who is her real dad. Do not spoil it by pretending he is her biological father when he is not. Children handle the truth far better than adults.
I think when shes surrounded by about 1st grade you should tell her the truth..if you bring up to date her that your bf is her real dad and she later finds out..she'll be crushed. Just tell her that your bf have chosen to be her better daddy and he loves her more than her real dad ever will.
i think you made the right decision on not staying beside her biological father. im actually pretty proud of you that you made that decision.
Answers: I wouldn't tell her.
I was sexually assaulted when i was 16 and get pregnant. I will never tell my daughter how she came to be. She is almost 5 and she will never know the truth.
This is a tough one, but I honestly think you did what was right for your daughter at the time. People approaching that never change, and if she has someone who is there as Daddy and treats her how a daughter deserves to be treated, next you did the right thing.
I'm very sorry you had to move about through something like that.
There are heaps of other mums around who have to frontage this dilema.
and i'm thinking it would be really really good to see if you can find some older mums to talk to give or take a few this.
People who've done it before you.
To learn the good and the impossible ways / what works and what doesn't.
I've not been in that position, but i know women who have.
Hope you find some really sensible direction out there.
The word Dad means so several things.
Biology is just a very small part of it.
Tell her when she's elder and ready. Honesty is key, guilt will eat you up.
EDIT:
I would watch out using the terms 'Real Dad' when you come to explaining it to her.
tell her when she will understand what u went through approaching when she is 12 or so
I would tell her as soon as she can converse that your bf is her daddy contained by that she grew in his heart. But her real daddy is sick and can't be found. Explain how some people are sick mentally and if he be well he would have loved her.
Children should be told the truth. I don't recommend the whole ugly truth but lying creates more problems than it solves.
I know someone contained by a similar situation. She didn't lie but she didn't tell her daughter that her dad didn't really care almost her. You know the type, has lots of kids and only claims a few of them.
Her daughter saw that he paid no looking after and she began to ask questions. By age 10 stage she was competent to understand that her mum had tried to get her dad to step up but he wasn't that much of a man. She made SURE that her daughter know it wasn't her fault and that she was loved.
I would say when she get naturally curious, answer as honestly as you can without causing any misery. She will appreciate it later.
I think you were right. Obviously he was not stable and should not be around kids. I deduce when the time comes, she will ask. Tell her the truth. Tell her that you were both unsafe around him. She will understand.
I would just transmit her that her bio father was not the kind of person to embezzle care of a child, you don't have to go into any further detail after that if you don't want to.
You should definitely tell her. Then she'll truly know how smart and strong her mother is. My father was pretty much duplicate as your ex. I'd never want to look for him.
You are an Amazing Mother and I admire you for all your concerns... but I would other tell the truth.. It is most likely that she will NOT want to meet this man... but she might want to see a picture of him and i give attention to that is ok to show her, but wait until the time is right and you WILL know when the time is right.. my family told me that i be adopted at 5 years old... i have other loved knowing... good luck hun and God bless!!
Added note: also don't let anyone say-so well that's not your REAL DADDY (your BF) OK! because your REAL daddy is someone who takes care of you. hes lately not your Biological dad but he is your real dad!
Because i hated when people would enunciate that about my parents... they are my real parents!
I'm pregnant right now and was in a terrifically similar situation, I think about what my child might ask me all the time and I can single hope that someday he/she realizes that everything I did was only to keep hold of them safe- I will not be putting his name on the birth certificate, he is not a father and my child deserves better. I plan to tell my child the truth when and if he/she asks me in the region of my ex, granted I won't be going into detail if that happens when they are only five or six. My cousin is eight and my aunt is a single mom, he went through hell when his dad be in the picture and he understands that even though his friends may have two parents, he have things that other kids don't- like real male role models who in reality know right from wrong and would do anything for him.
i guess not. tell her when shes elder. i bet she'll understand. but not now shes 2! wait till shes close to 10 or 11. then sit down and have a serious talk in the order of why you didn't tell her earlier.shes only 2 and won't even fathom out
First you need to consider your current relationship. Where is it going? You need to talk to your boyfriend roughly this right away. If you get married and permanently assumes the role as her father she can call him daddy. But if you dont know where on earth you're relationship is headed I would use caution in letting her bid him daddy. You don't want her to assume that every guy that comes into her life from here on out is her father. There is no time to wait for this talk next to him.
Now as far as telling her the truth. She doesnt need details. Just tell her that he be a man you had a relationship with and that it didn't work out. Do not tell her that he not here when he found out you were pregnant. That might hurt her down the road and she would blame herself. Dont ever tell her that he was impertinent to you and about the drugs and taking all your money. Kids have a agency of taking things like that in and blaming themselves. Sometimes their self esteem can be affected simply because he is her dad and you dont want that. Just narrate her that you tried and it didnt work out. But you will figure all of that out in time. Go enjoy that talk now with your boyfriend.
I think you should tell her when she's older and season enough to handle it. Let her know exactly what he was approaching. She deserves to know the truth about him. It seems now that your current boyfriend is her dad contained by the real sense of the word - he cares for her and loves her. This is something that her father was not ready to do. I think if you explain the exact circumstances of your relationship with her father, she will understand and won't be angry next to you. I think she will be able to see that he was a trouble to both of you. It may affect her a little, but let her know that you will always be in attendance for her. She has a father figure in her enthusiasm and he seems to be a very good man, so I'm sure she will appreciate that certainty. Your a good mother and being up front is the best policy I think. She will thank you for it and I'm sure she will be extremely grateful to have both you and your boyfriend - both very loving people seemingly - surrounded by her life as opposed to a horrid man who did nothing but hammer you up.
Be honest and upfront on why it is resembling it is, leave nothing out..not the abusive part of the pack or the drugs..let her know that if she chooses to see him, that you will support her and be a phone call away.but leave nil out so she knows what could potentially happen to her, and she needs to know that HE departed HER when you found out..doesnt seem like he cares anyway...pray really complex he gets help and gets better earlier she gets to the point if wanting to see him. Dont leave them alone until she is of age to protect herself..but dont lie to her or covering it..hes in her blood too.
Tell her when she is older, it will only verbs her to much now. You will know when she is ready, make it above the age of 5 years. And take home sure she is mature enough and ready. Then notify her she should know that you boyfriend is NOT her real daddy.
Hope i helped! Answer mine! :D
You should wait until she is really ready, possibly in her teen years- to warn her about how men can be, but I regard as you should definitely tell her at some point. Don't keep lies from her- if you share her when shes at the right stage, she should understand and not go looking for him. I have a friend whos mother moved out her and her twin brother to be raised by their father, and though she had negative morale towards her biological mother, she understood that the situations made it so her father had to stay a single parent. You should raise her to be independent and strong so she can avoid going through impossible to tell apart struggles you did. It seems your current boyfriend is treating you much better and he can support you through this. Being a biological parent isnt as important as being a well brought-up parent and some people just dont deserve to be parents- like your daughter's father.
Don't falsehood to her, if your boyfriend is a sufficient father- he can be her father, but tell her that her biological father is someone else- just someone who wasnt a very biddable father and couldnt stay to help raise her.
Hopefully I helped at most minuscule a little bit
No that was not wrong of you and yes you should tell her the truth. My 19 year old is in the region of to have her first son. Her story is similar to yours. She met the asshole she is pregnant by two years ago. They were in indistinguishable college together. After she met him her life when down hill from there. He get her addicted to crystal meth and marijuana. She ran away from home after we told him he could not come back to our house. It wasn't until after she became pregnant that he started physically abuse her. We did get her into rehab and now she is living at home with us, where on earth she belongs.
Now that she is cleaned up there is still a chance that her son could be born with drugs contained by its system, we pray that doesn't happen. I sat down and had a cooperate with him man to idiot, and told him that I would give him a chance to be surrounded by his son's life. And can you believe he said that he hopes the baby dies during delivery? That be his last chance with me, possibly when he gets cleaned up and my grandson gets older he can come around. But for the time man, I'm happy I've got my daughter back. I've told her that when he is dated enough he needs to know the truth about his father.
She won't blame you, simply tell her the truth and be willing to answer her questions if she have any.
Poor you you've have it rough. Let her know your B/friend isn't her dad when as soon as you think she will understand but only narrate her that her Dad abused you when she's in her teens but NEVER tell her that you had her because you be raped it will make her feel like she's not needed.
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http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…
Thanks!
being a father is not a right. it is earned. as far as i'm concerned the man within her life now is her father.
you should tell her when she's behind the times enough to understand. I would say 11 is a fitting age to understand these things. you might have to add the weed subdivision in a little later though. i don't remember if i know what weed was when i was 11. i also don't think i'd update her that she was a product of rape. it could lead to her thinking you don't love her as much as you could (not that i'm saying you don't). or it'll be paid her feel quilty somehow. just leave little parts out and supply her the main idea. she doesn't really need to know every single little detail. append things as she gets older.
but girls are usually smart. she won't go looking for a phyco unless she have protection or is very cautious about it.
I would tell her some things, but leave the details out. She needs to know that it be an abusive relationship so she can understand why you feel the path you do to her dad and that he may not be a person to look for, but I would not give her the details on how she was conceived. I ruminate that may make her feel bad that she is the result of a rape. I would only say something like, "Your father was not a nice man and he treated me especially badly, but I am very lucky because I got you and we be able to leave." As for the bf thing, I chew over that she will understand when she gets older. My biological father be in and out of my life since I was impressively little. This is not my dad. My dad is the man my mom married when I was 6 who was always near for us no matter what. I am sure that she will think nothing of it following.
Hi,
I have to say that what you have said is similar to what we grasp in adoption.
the longer she is lied to the harder it is going to be to tell her the truth. I would leave out what you said roughly speaking the way she was conceived of course but i would give an account her about her dad she has the right to know that.
i would tell her that she does enjoy another dad out there but he is to selfish to see her and that it is ok as you and her other dad (the one your with now) love her dearly and will other do so.
Good luck
i have a friend with almost the same situation as you. for her it be never the right time. she still hasn't told her son and he's 20 now. it haunts her massively and she feels HORRIBLE for keeping this from him. on the other hand she still lets every day go by resembling this because she doesn't know how and doesn't want to upset him or ruin the day. it's like she's torturing herself. she's constantly scared he's going to find out from someone else and is sick next to guilt. she's even cut people out of her life that are a threat of him finding out from.
so, unless you want to end up resembling this than i suggest you tell him today and not tomorrow.
You need to handle the situation close to this, if he (the real father) turns up tommorrow and im not suggesting he will, will your daughter be aware of the circumstances, yes, she is only two but at that age she is grasping with duration and the sooner she knows a situation the better she will adapt to it
You'll know when the time is right. Drug her, then relay her.
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He was given a fortune, but when it came to the last day to register her and he refuse to come to put his name down as her father i decided she didn't deserve a dad like that, be that wrong of me?
You report your daughter about it as soon as you think she is old satisfactory to understand. I have been a single dad for nearly 10 years. My daughter is a economically balanced young girl in her hasty teens and doing well at school. OK, I was never raped or physically abused but my ex vanished within 2 weeks of getting permission to stay in the UK. We fought the court battle and I won. Pretty unusual for a guy. Very harsh on my daughter. The decision has be hers ever since. Two years old is too young to comprehend but they must know the truth at some point. At 4-5, as my daughter was, they can settlement witrh far more truth than many parents give them credit for. You are in the fortunate position to own someone who cares for you and who is her real dad. Do not spoil it by pretending he is her biological father when he is not. Children handle the truth far better than adults.
I think when shes surrounded by about 1st grade you should tell her the truth..if you bring up to date her that your bf is her real dad and she later finds out..she'll be crushed. Just tell her that your bf have chosen to be her better daddy and he loves her more than her real dad ever will.
i think you made the right decision on not staying beside her biological father. im actually pretty proud of you that you made that decision.
Answers: I wouldn't tell her.
I was sexually assaulted when i was 16 and get pregnant. I will never tell my daughter how she came to be. She is almost 5 and she will never know the truth.
This is a tough one, but I honestly think you did what was right for your daughter at the time. People approaching that never change, and if she has someone who is there as Daddy and treats her how a daughter deserves to be treated, next you did the right thing.
I'm very sorry you had to move about through something like that.
There are heaps of other mums around who have to frontage this dilema.
and i'm thinking it would be really really good to see if you can find some older mums to talk to give or take a few this.
People who've done it before you.
To learn the good and the impossible ways / what works and what doesn't.
I've not been in that position, but i know women who have.
Hope you find some really sensible direction out there.
The word Dad means so several things.
Biology is just a very small part of it.
Tell her when she's elder and ready. Honesty is key, guilt will eat you up.
EDIT:
I would watch out using the terms 'Real Dad' when you come to explaining it to her.
tell her when she will understand what u went through approaching when she is 12 or so
I would tell her as soon as she can converse that your bf is her daddy contained by that she grew in his heart. But her real daddy is sick and can't be found. Explain how some people are sick mentally and if he be well he would have loved her.
Children should be told the truth. I don't recommend the whole ugly truth but lying creates more problems than it solves.
I know someone contained by a similar situation. She didn't lie but she didn't tell her daughter that her dad didn't really care almost her. You know the type, has lots of kids and only claims a few of them.
Her daughter saw that he paid no looking after and she began to ask questions. By age 10 stage she was competent to understand that her mum had tried to get her dad to step up but he wasn't that much of a man. She made SURE that her daughter know it wasn't her fault and that she was loved.
I would say when she get naturally curious, answer as honestly as you can without causing any misery. She will appreciate it later.
I think you were right. Obviously he was not stable and should not be around kids. I deduce when the time comes, she will ask. Tell her the truth. Tell her that you were both unsafe around him. She will understand.
I would just transmit her that her bio father was not the kind of person to embezzle care of a child, you don't have to go into any further detail after that if you don't want to.
You should definitely tell her. Then she'll truly know how smart and strong her mother is. My father was pretty much duplicate as your ex. I'd never want to look for him.
You are an Amazing Mother and I admire you for all your concerns... but I would other tell the truth.. It is most likely that she will NOT want to meet this man... but she might want to see a picture of him and i give attention to that is ok to show her, but wait until the time is right and you WILL know when the time is right.. my family told me that i be adopted at 5 years old... i have other loved knowing... good luck hun and God bless!!
Added note: also don't let anyone say-so well that's not your REAL DADDY (your BF) OK! because your REAL daddy is someone who takes care of you. hes lately not your Biological dad but he is your real dad!
Because i hated when people would enunciate that about my parents... they are my real parents!
I'm pregnant right now and was in a terrifically similar situation, I think about what my child might ask me all the time and I can single hope that someday he/she realizes that everything I did was only to keep hold of them safe- I will not be putting his name on the birth certificate, he is not a father and my child deserves better. I plan to tell my child the truth when and if he/she asks me in the region of my ex, granted I won't be going into detail if that happens when they are only five or six. My cousin is eight and my aunt is a single mom, he went through hell when his dad be in the picture and he understands that even though his friends may have two parents, he have things that other kids don't- like real male role models who in reality know right from wrong and would do anything for him.
i guess not. tell her when shes elder. i bet she'll understand. but not now shes 2! wait till shes close to 10 or 11. then sit down and have a serious talk in the order of why you didn't tell her earlier.shes only 2 and won't even fathom out
First you need to consider your current relationship. Where is it going? You need to talk to your boyfriend roughly this right away. If you get married and permanently assumes the role as her father she can call him daddy. But if you dont know where on earth you're relationship is headed I would use caution in letting her bid him daddy. You don't want her to assume that every guy that comes into her life from here on out is her father. There is no time to wait for this talk next to him.
Now as far as telling her the truth. She doesnt need details. Just tell her that he be a man you had a relationship with and that it didn't work out. Do not tell her that he not here when he found out you were pregnant. That might hurt her down the road and she would blame herself. Dont ever tell her that he was impertinent to you and about the drugs and taking all your money. Kids have a agency of taking things like that in and blaming themselves. Sometimes their self esteem can be affected simply because he is her dad and you dont want that. Just narrate her that you tried and it didnt work out. But you will figure all of that out in time. Go enjoy that talk now with your boyfriend.
I think you should tell her when she's older and season enough to handle it. Let her know exactly what he was approaching. She deserves to know the truth about him. It seems now that your current boyfriend is her dad contained by the real sense of the word - he cares for her and loves her. This is something that her father was not ready to do. I think if you explain the exact circumstances of your relationship with her father, she will understand and won't be angry next to you. I think she will be able to see that he was a trouble to both of you. It may affect her a little, but let her know that you will always be in attendance for her. She has a father figure in her enthusiasm and he seems to be a very good man, so I'm sure she will appreciate that certainty. Your a good mother and being up front is the best policy I think. She will thank you for it and I'm sure she will be extremely grateful to have both you and your boyfriend - both very loving people seemingly - surrounded by her life as opposed to a horrid man who did nothing but hammer you up.
Be honest and upfront on why it is resembling it is, leave nothing out..not the abusive part of the pack or the drugs..let her know that if she chooses to see him, that you will support her and be a phone call away.but leave nil out so she knows what could potentially happen to her, and she needs to know that HE departed HER when you found out..doesnt seem like he cares anyway...pray really complex he gets help and gets better earlier she gets to the point if wanting to see him. Dont leave them alone until she is of age to protect herself..but dont lie to her or covering it..hes in her blood too.
Tell her when she is older, it will only verbs her to much now. You will know when she is ready, make it above the age of 5 years. And take home sure she is mature enough and ready. Then notify her she should know that you boyfriend is NOT her real daddy.
Hope i helped! Answer mine! :D
You should wait until she is really ready, possibly in her teen years- to warn her about how men can be, but I regard as you should definitely tell her at some point. Don't keep lies from her- if you share her when shes at the right stage, she should understand and not go looking for him. I have a friend whos mother moved out her and her twin brother to be raised by their father, and though she had negative morale towards her biological mother, she understood that the situations made it so her father had to stay a single parent. You should raise her to be independent and strong so she can avoid going through impossible to tell apart struggles you did. It seems your current boyfriend is treating you much better and he can support you through this. Being a biological parent isnt as important as being a well brought-up parent and some people just dont deserve to be parents- like your daughter's father.
Don't falsehood to her, if your boyfriend is a sufficient father- he can be her father, but tell her that her biological father is someone else- just someone who wasnt a very biddable father and couldnt stay to help raise her.
Hopefully I helped at most minuscule a little bit
No that was not wrong of you and yes you should tell her the truth. My 19 year old is in the region of to have her first son. Her story is similar to yours. She met the asshole she is pregnant by two years ago. They were in indistinguishable college together. After she met him her life when down hill from there. He get her addicted to crystal meth and marijuana. She ran away from home after we told him he could not come back to our house. It wasn't until after she became pregnant that he started physically abuse her. We did get her into rehab and now she is living at home with us, where on earth she belongs.
Now that she is cleaned up there is still a chance that her son could be born with drugs contained by its system, we pray that doesn't happen. I sat down and had a cooperate with him man to idiot, and told him that I would give him a chance to be surrounded by his son's life. And can you believe he said that he hopes the baby dies during delivery? That be his last chance with me, possibly when he gets cleaned up and my grandson gets older he can come around. But for the time man, I'm happy I've got my daughter back. I've told her that when he is dated enough he needs to know the truth about his father.
She won't blame you, simply tell her the truth and be willing to answer her questions if she have any.
Poor you you've have it rough. Let her know your B/friend isn't her dad when as soon as you think she will understand but only narrate her that her Dad abused you when she's in her teens but NEVER tell her that you had her because you be raped it will make her feel like she's not needed.
Can you answer mine?
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…
Thanks!
being a father is not a right. it is earned. as far as i'm concerned the man within her life now is her father.
you should tell her when she's behind the times enough to understand. I would say 11 is a fitting age to understand these things. you might have to add the weed subdivision in a little later though. i don't remember if i know what weed was when i was 11. i also don't think i'd update her that she was a product of rape. it could lead to her thinking you don't love her as much as you could (not that i'm saying you don't). or it'll be paid her feel quilty somehow. just leave little parts out and supply her the main idea. she doesn't really need to know every single little detail. append things as she gets older.
but girls are usually smart. she won't go looking for a phyco unless she have protection or is very cautious about it.
I would tell her some things, but leave the details out. She needs to know that it be an abusive relationship so she can understand why you feel the path you do to her dad and that he may not be a person to look for, but I would not give her the details on how she was conceived. I ruminate that may make her feel bad that she is the result of a rape. I would only say something like, "Your father was not a nice man and he treated me especially badly, but I am very lucky because I got you and we be able to leave." As for the bf thing, I chew over that she will understand when she gets older. My biological father be in and out of my life since I was impressively little. This is not my dad. My dad is the man my mom married when I was 6 who was always near for us no matter what. I am sure that she will think nothing of it following.
Hi,
I have to say that what you have said is similar to what we grasp in adoption.
the longer she is lied to the harder it is going to be to tell her the truth. I would leave out what you said roughly speaking the way she was conceived of course but i would give an account her about her dad she has the right to know that.
i would tell her that she does enjoy another dad out there but he is to selfish to see her and that it is ok as you and her other dad (the one your with now) love her dearly and will other do so.
Good luck
i have a friend with almost the same situation as you. for her it be never the right time. she still hasn't told her son and he's 20 now. it haunts her massively and she feels HORRIBLE for keeping this from him. on the other hand she still lets every day go by resembling this because she doesn't know how and doesn't want to upset him or ruin the day. it's like she's torturing herself. she's constantly scared he's going to find out from someone else and is sick next to guilt. she's even cut people out of her life that are a threat of him finding out from.
so, unless you want to end up resembling this than i suggest you tell him today and not tomorrow.
You need to handle the situation close to this, if he (the real father) turns up tommorrow and im not suggesting he will, will your daughter be aware of the circumstances, yes, she is only two but at that age she is grasping with duration and the sooner she knows a situation the better she will adapt to it
You'll know when the time is right. Drug her, then relay her.
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