How do you concordat beside individual a step mom at 21 if you don't hold kids of your own?
Hi everyone, I am 21 years old and I am in love with my fiance BUT nearby is something that bothers me everyday. I am 21 years old and never been pregnant I lost my virginity when I was 20and I try my best to be responsible! My fiance have 2 children that are ages 3 and 4.5 that LIVE with us. I am a full time student and I work full time. I love his kids and I am SO IN LOVE with him but it is really hard to except the reality he has kids. The children mom is not really involved she is a convicted felon and will be in prison for five years. They oldest child was molested while she be under the mothers care. The mother has sex near men and women in front of these kids! I feel bad for them but everyone(including his mom and the kids mom) make clear to me I am not the parent and to mind my own business. EVERYTHING the children have I BOUGHT. They came here with NOTHING. I cant bring a bond with those kids and im trying but sometimes I don't want them around me and I feel bad . I get the impression like I am missing out on a lot in life span but, my fiance treats me like a queen!! What do I do?
I'm sorry honey. I have been in attendance. If your mother in law and the children's mother and everyone else cannot respect the fact that you are benevolent for the children as a mother, then things are only going to get worse for you. You will adjectives be miserable. Maybe if you leave for a while and tell them WHY, they will appreciate you a little bit and impart you the credit you deserve. If not, then they are just using you anyway. If you work full time, are in institution full time, and the full time mom to 2 babies, you're not being treated like a queen. You are being handle and buttered up to get what someone else wants. Think about it. Maybe it's time to run.
The kids may inevitability you, but they will probably eventually resent you.
Either they'll grow on you, or they won't. If you love your fiancée, you need to look past what you're missing out on and try to enjoy time beside him and his children. Or you could go out on your spare time if you feel like you're missing out ?
Answers: Stop listening to what other people are truism. You are a part of their life since they are living with you and your fiance. They necessitate a good female role model, and you are it. There is no reason why population keep telling you to butt out, what happens between the children and you is doesn`t matter what your fiance thinks is best. You are obviously going to be involved with them, they live nearby, enjoy what you can and be there when you can. You don't have to replace their mother, not a soul says that, but you can be a good provider of love and care for them. How can you mind your own business when you are at hand all the time with them. That's like anyone told you can't play with a puppy or a kitten because your sibling owns it, it's just silly and unrealistic.
I think psychiatric therapy would be good for the older one right now, so she have someone that she can completely tell how she fells about what is going on next to her mother and what is going on with living with you and her father.
Be supportive, be caring, and be instigate with them. Don't hide yourself away because someone gave you fruitless advice, let them enjoy you as much as you soak up them.
Drink a beer and let it burn .yup! XD
You've got abundantly on your plate, it's ok to feel burned out sometimes and to need a break. There are times when I need to only just get out without my kids to, regardless of how much I love them. I would talk to your fiance and see if you can set up a dark once or twice a month were you can just go out beside the girls and get some down time. Usually, that little bit of time is all you need to consistency relaxed and rejuvenated. :)
As for people telling you to "mind your own business", I'm sorry, I don't agree. In my opinion, (especially when the other parent have almost no contact with the children) the step-mom should step in and help lift up and love the children to the best of her abilities. Now if the kids were heading into their teens, I would say fund off a little. But these children are very immature and they need guidance. From the scenario you're describing, it sounds as though you'll be the one to be more of a mother figure through out their lives. It's ok to step in and grant a time-out when needed. It's ok to be there for bath time, to read stories at bedtime, to play with, love and strictness for these children. This is exactly what they need, especially since their mother will be away for the next 5 years. Children thrive on stability and that's exactly what you're providing them with. :)
I'm not a step-mother, but we do hold a blended family. I married my husband when my daughter was 3 and he is every bit as much a daddy to her as her biological father is. In absolutely every agency. My ex is also married and his wife treats our daughter as though she were her own...which is exactly how I want it. I expect my daughter's step-mom to love, care, guide and discipline her. If you talked to my daughter, she'd bring up to date you she's extra special because she has 2 mommies and 2 daddies. That's twice as much love and attention. In my opinion, thats exactly how things should run with blended family. We all have to stick together, communicate and put the children first. That's exactly what you're doing and don't let anyone else notify you otherwise. If I could offer any advice to help take the edge off the conflict between you and the ex and your future MIL, it would be to not be as vocal about some things within front of them and to let your fiance take over a little more when their around. Sometimes it's better than letting them trade name a scene.
Good luck hun and hang in there. You're doing everything right and time will prove it. :) Source(s): Plenty of experience!
First of all, you said that you love his kids and you are so contained by love with him, right? This means that if you truly do love his children, you should not mind having them around (although some individuals don't even want their own children around some times!!). I understand, you're going to need a break. You are young and do not hold children of your own so you do not understand but the main thing right presently is that these two innocent children have a stable father figure who isn't too busy with his fiancee to be in attendance for his kids. If you are not 100% committed to him or his children it is time to sever the ties and get out NOW before you end up breaking their little heart and his, quite possibly your own, too. They already lost one "mother" and have been through SO much heartbreak and trauma (especially the eldest) they can't afford to lose another one.
Basically, you are any in completely 100% or you're out 100%, no grey area when it comes to raising children. Please don't receive offended by this answer, it was meant to best support your desires and the needs of your fiance and his children. Good luck!! Source(s): Being married to someone who's father abandoned him and his sister to be with his second wife and seeing the effects it have on them. Also, being a mother at a young age and realizing how knotty it is to give things up. The rewards of parenting are much greater, though.
contained by my eyes you are the parent, but legally they are right, if you love your man and you love those kids, marry him and become a step-parent to them, if the family says anything to you after that, detail him, sorry these are my kids too!
Here is a little tip:
I know this sounds tough but build a realtionship with the mother of the children, if you have a correct realtionship with her it will make everything easier. I know she did some horrible things but you don't have to similar to her, just be nice to her and reach out to her while she is in prison, convey her pictures of the kids, that kind of thing because once you are married to your boyfriend you can get decriminalized custody of them too, and if the mother likes you or at least respects you it would make everything easier.
Edit: also, if you love the kids, grasp a babysitter for them and have a night on the town just you and your boyfriend at smallest once a week! then you won't feel trapped
If they're mom is as described, than it's your job to step and and love and protect them...right now, people may have a feeling uncertain about how much this is your business, but when you get married you will hold legal obligation to take perfectionism of them...and they NEED you. When they get older they are going to wonder what they did to make their mom put them through that and you want let them know it wasn't their fault. If they(in-laws) keep recounting you stuff, sit down with your hubby to be and evaluate everything. Talk about how the 2 of you want to handle EVERYTHING(concerning strictness of the children) and when other people tell you to back bad, you can tell them that this is between you and the daddy and this is how the 2 of you plan to handle things.
I suggest seeing a psychiatric doctor and getting some suitable meds. It will make life better. Or, you can find another man.
Related Questions:
Do you chew over that children should be spanked/beaten within institution?
Does your child other own breakfast formerly university?
What do you call for it when parents produce child get through excessively close to 8 meal a hours of daylight as punishment?
I'm sorry honey. I have been in attendance. If your mother in law and the children's mother and everyone else cannot respect the fact that you are benevolent for the children as a mother, then things are only going to get worse for you. You will adjectives be miserable. Maybe if you leave for a while and tell them WHY, they will appreciate you a little bit and impart you the credit you deserve. If not, then they are just using you anyway. If you work full time, are in institution full time, and the full time mom to 2 babies, you're not being treated like a queen. You are being handle and buttered up to get what someone else wants. Think about it. Maybe it's time to run.
The kids may inevitability you, but they will probably eventually resent you.
Either they'll grow on you, or they won't. If you love your fiancée, you need to look past what you're missing out on and try to enjoy time beside him and his children. Or you could go out on your spare time if you feel like you're missing out ?
Answers: Stop listening to what other people are truism. You are a part of their life since they are living with you and your fiance. They necessitate a good female role model, and you are it. There is no reason why population keep telling you to butt out, what happens between the children and you is doesn`t matter what your fiance thinks is best. You are obviously going to be involved with them, they live nearby, enjoy what you can and be there when you can. You don't have to replace their mother, not a soul says that, but you can be a good provider of love and care for them. How can you mind your own business when you are at hand all the time with them. That's like anyone told you can't play with a puppy or a kitten because your sibling owns it, it's just silly and unrealistic.
I think psychiatric therapy would be good for the older one right now, so she have someone that she can completely tell how she fells about what is going on next to her mother and what is going on with living with you and her father.
Be supportive, be caring, and be instigate with them. Don't hide yourself away because someone gave you fruitless advice, let them enjoy you as much as you soak up them.
Drink a beer and let it burn .yup! XD
You've got abundantly on your plate, it's ok to feel burned out sometimes and to need a break. There are times when I need to only just get out without my kids to, regardless of how much I love them. I would talk to your fiance and see if you can set up a dark once or twice a month were you can just go out beside the girls and get some down time. Usually, that little bit of time is all you need to consistency relaxed and rejuvenated. :)
As for people telling you to "mind your own business", I'm sorry, I don't agree. In my opinion, (especially when the other parent have almost no contact with the children) the step-mom should step in and help lift up and love the children to the best of her abilities. Now if the kids were heading into their teens, I would say fund off a little. But these children are very immature and they need guidance. From the scenario you're describing, it sounds as though you'll be the one to be more of a mother figure through out their lives. It's ok to step in and grant a time-out when needed. It's ok to be there for bath time, to read stories at bedtime, to play with, love and strictness for these children. This is exactly what they need, especially since their mother will be away for the next 5 years. Children thrive on stability and that's exactly what you're providing them with. :)
I'm not a step-mother, but we do hold a blended family. I married my husband when my daughter was 3 and he is every bit as much a daddy to her as her biological father is. In absolutely every agency. My ex is also married and his wife treats our daughter as though she were her own...which is exactly how I want it. I expect my daughter's step-mom to love, care, guide and discipline her. If you talked to my daughter, she'd bring up to date you she's extra special because she has 2 mommies and 2 daddies. That's twice as much love and attention. In my opinion, thats exactly how things should run with blended family. We all have to stick together, communicate and put the children first. That's exactly what you're doing and don't let anyone else notify you otherwise. If I could offer any advice to help take the edge off the conflict between you and the ex and your future MIL, it would be to not be as vocal about some things within front of them and to let your fiance take over a little more when their around. Sometimes it's better than letting them trade name a scene.
Good luck hun and hang in there. You're doing everything right and time will prove it. :) Source(s): Plenty of experience!
First of all, you said that you love his kids and you are so contained by love with him, right? This means that if you truly do love his children, you should not mind having them around (although some individuals don't even want their own children around some times!!). I understand, you're going to need a break. You are young and do not hold children of your own so you do not understand but the main thing right presently is that these two innocent children have a stable father figure who isn't too busy with his fiancee to be in attendance for his kids. If you are not 100% committed to him or his children it is time to sever the ties and get out NOW before you end up breaking their little heart and his, quite possibly your own, too. They already lost one "mother" and have been through SO much heartbreak and trauma (especially the eldest) they can't afford to lose another one.
Basically, you are any in completely 100% or you're out 100%, no grey area when it comes to raising children. Please don't receive offended by this answer, it was meant to best support your desires and the needs of your fiance and his children. Good luck!! Source(s): Being married to someone who's father abandoned him and his sister to be with his second wife and seeing the effects it have on them. Also, being a mother at a young age and realizing how knotty it is to give things up. The rewards of parenting are much greater, though.
contained by my eyes you are the parent, but legally they are right, if you love your man and you love those kids, marry him and become a step-parent to them, if the family says anything to you after that, detail him, sorry these are my kids too!
Here is a little tip:
I know this sounds tough but build a realtionship with the mother of the children, if you have a correct realtionship with her it will make everything easier. I know she did some horrible things but you don't have to similar to her, just be nice to her and reach out to her while she is in prison, convey her pictures of the kids, that kind of thing because once you are married to your boyfriend you can get decriminalized custody of them too, and if the mother likes you or at least respects you it would make everything easier.
Edit: also, if you love the kids, grasp a babysitter for them and have a night on the town just you and your boyfriend at smallest once a week! then you won't feel trapped
If they're mom is as described, than it's your job to step and and love and protect them...right now, people may have a feeling uncertain about how much this is your business, but when you get married you will hold legal obligation to take perfectionism of them...and they NEED you. When they get older they are going to wonder what they did to make their mom put them through that and you want let them know it wasn't their fault. If they(in-laws) keep recounting you stuff, sit down with your hubby to be and evaluate everything. Talk about how the 2 of you want to handle EVERYTHING(concerning strictness of the children) and when other people tell you to back bad, you can tell them that this is between you and the daddy and this is how the 2 of you plan to handle things.
I suggest seeing a psychiatric doctor and getting some suitable meds. It will make life better. Or, you can find another man.
Related Questions: