MIL Issues (please read)?
Help! I have some MIL issues!
My in-laws are visiting / living with us for 6 months (2 down, 4 to go). They live within Europe. My boys are 5 months (Jeremiah) and 17 months (Zachary). My MIL seems to have fallen contained by love with Jeremiah. He is a VERY easy baby, by a hair`s breadth cries, etc. whereas Zachary is clingy, needs lots of attention and has loads of energy. Jeremiah also looks greatly like my FIL while Zachary looks like my side of the family.
Since the second hours of darkness they arrived, they have been co-sleeping with Jeremiah, while my husband and I sleep next to Zachary. Jeremiah used to sleep through the night in his crib before their arrival, and he immediately wakes up once or twice a night to be fed. They are strongly against him sleeping alone surrounded by his crib, they co-slept with all their four children. We co-sleep with Zachary because he still wake up at least once a night and he wlil not sleep in the crib. He used to sleep contained by the bed they sleep in now but obviously he can't while they're here. I am going to work soon and we be very happy Jeremiah slept through the night and he slept alone, for this cause.
All this would not matter to me ultimately, except for the fact that Jeremiah is now strongly attached to my MIL and not to me. It's be bothering me for a while, but tonight I could not get my usually not-fussy baby to calm down. After his tub I tried to feed him his bottle and put him to sleep, but he kept fussing and crying. Then my MIL heard and called to him as she come, and when he heard her voice and saw her he got excited and lifted up his arms and stopped fussing as soon as she took him, and he fell asleep next to her in no time.
I'm more than a little jealous. I touch like I'm his sister, not his mom. It doesn't help that my MIL will say things similar to, "She may be his mom, but he always cries for ME." She also says, "come to mommy" when she talks to Jeremiah. She never does this for Zach. She refers to Zach as "yours" and Jeremiah as "mine." Also, my husband and FIl cordially say things like, "Look, he's crying for his grandma again." (ie - not for me).
My husband thinks we should agree to them sleep with Jeremiah because they are only here for so long, and they won't see the kids for a long time when they go vertebrae home.
Can you help me put this into perspective? What are your thoughts?
My MIL lives in Mexico for half the year (we live contained by Toronto, Canada) and for the other half of the year she lives in a town that is a six hour drive away contained by a house that is too small for the three of us to visit... So we're in like boat as far as her forming a relationship with our daughter.
That said, my husband and I would NEVER let her and her husband interfere with our daughter's diary. They stayed with us for about a week, when my daughter was already two-months-old and they have to fit into our schedule... She was already sleeping through the night by after, but I noticed that their noise in the morning (they are far from softness people) would wake her up before her normal time... And even that bothered the crap out of me. It should clearly bother you that they interfered with his schedule, especially since he was sleeping on his own and through the dark.
I think putting and end to co-sleeping would be fine. They're all sleeping, it's not exactly talent time together. I would also put an end to letting her call herself 'mommy'. You are Jeremiah's only mother, she should not be overstepping those boundaries. Have a tell with your husband if you're not comfortable bringing these points up with her on your own.
Try to get Jeremiah on some sort of rota without her... Think about how terrible it's going to be for you and him once she go back to Europe.
I also think that it's terrible that she treats Zachary that opening... It's unfair to him and their relationship.
If I were you, I would get everything subsidise to the way it used to be and let them fit into your schedule. It's your family unit, your house and your rules. They're the grandparents and they have to figure out that role. They're also the ones who are choosing to live in Europe, so they can't gross you feel guilty about not seeing them for a few years... Because it sounds like your MIL will unambiguously try.
Sounds like they came in and messed up your contented successful routine. Remember ultimately it is about what is best for the babies Not you or your MIL having said that the new routine is broken well for Jeremiah and it is blatant favoritism.
My first thought is...there is no way I would allow my son to start co-sleeping near my in laws, no matter how long they be going to stay. Especially since he was already established sleeping by alone in his own bed. I would speak to your MIL or have your husband do it, depending on your relationship next to her. While it is great that he has a good relationship with grandma, it should not be replacing his relationship next to you. If she continues to foster this for the next 4 months, it is going to be very difficult for your son when she leaves. Beyond your jealousy (which is how most would feel), I don't deduce this is good for your son.
Im with you on this one - your the mother, not her.
In every way your sending out the wrong message to her - she is NOT the mother, you are, and your letting her get away near everything she does! And even encouraging it!
You need to stop the cosleeping immediately - to be honest it doesnt really matter if she is "strongly against" babies sleeping alone, or anything that you do, because she is NOT the mother, and she does NOT seize to make the decisions on your kids wellbeing! I may nouns harsh, but you really have to nip this in the bud.
Personally i would be more concerned at the blatant predilection going on here between your two boys - poor zach must be picking up on whats going on here!
Maybe they wont stay for long, but who knows? One day maybe they will agree on they like jeremiah so much there going to move to the area, or even within with you.
If anything you should use the distance to your advantage - if you tell her exactly what she is doing wrong and what you dislike, shes not surrounded by the area to * and moan about it!
You really have to nip this contained by the bud - your the mummy, not her!
If not for you, then for your kid - its not right that one is so blantantly the favourite!
At the end of the afternoon you have to secure your role as mummy so that its not such a big deal for the kids when they start out. They cant just uproot your family when they come to town!
Your the mummy - remember that! They are your kids, whether your MIL likes it or not! Make the rules, stick to them!
:o) apposite luck Source(s): also has mil troubles ...
Answers: Oh, there's no doubt...that is WEIRD! "She may be his mom, but he other cries for ME." She also says, "come to mommy" when she talks to Jeremiah. Are you serious? It is all out of the love of her heart...but is ridiculous.
Even if my own mother did that charitable of stuff I would be mad. I would say to let it walk since they do not live nearby, but you got 4 MONTHS TO GO GIRL. If you don't set things straight you might go reasonably and officially insane.
There is a nice way to talk something like things...I am sure you know how to be Politically Correct with MIL's. But HECK YES, a talk needs to be have!
I'm sorry I don't have advice on what to tell you to do, but I would be so upset & hurt & it's totally rude of them to do that stuff to you. I'd talk to your husband although if he's like most men, he'll probably act similar to you are being oversensitive. Which you are not.
Oh my gosh, I'm fuming right now, if only for the fact that you have a five month old baby who was without a flaw happy to sleep through the night in his own crib and presently he's waking and used to cosleeping, which will be harder to break the longer he gets used to it (been there, done that :). Nevermind, the "he's mine" bit, which would own made me go insane if it ever came out of my MIL's mouth. God forbid if she ever called herself "mommy." And your poor elder son, how must he feel to have his Grandma so obviously favor his younger brother??
It's time for you to put your foot down. Too impossible if they only come once every few years, this is YOUR child and your family and you must do what best for you and yours. And, I would make her be the one to catch your little one sleeping back in his crib. She brought some sleepless nights on herself, I'd utter. Defintely get hubby on board and have him own some conversations with MIL but make sure he stands behind you 100%.
Good luck!
She is totally overstepping her boundaries. This is your child and you are not going to get this time with him vertebrae. She is ruining your bonding experience with your son. She needs to lay off. You obligation to be an assertive momma bear and protect your little cub. She will run over you forever if you don't put a stop to it now. It may be uncomfortable, but they are disappearing and if they don't like it, they can leave sooner rather than after that. Geez.
I would be super jealous! Get your baby rear sleeping with you, and don't let her call him her child. My husband has a big family who are very meddlesome and they resembling to call my baby theirs. I get really batty, and have just gotten to the point I avoid most of his family.
Family can be a existing bummer, believe me.
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My in-laws are visiting / living with us for 6 months (2 down, 4 to go). They live within Europe. My boys are 5 months (Jeremiah) and 17 months (Zachary). My MIL seems to have fallen contained by love with Jeremiah. He is a VERY easy baby, by a hair`s breadth cries, etc. whereas Zachary is clingy, needs lots of attention and has loads of energy. Jeremiah also looks greatly like my FIL while Zachary looks like my side of the family.
Since the second hours of darkness they arrived, they have been co-sleeping with Jeremiah, while my husband and I sleep next to Zachary. Jeremiah used to sleep through the night in his crib before their arrival, and he immediately wakes up once or twice a night to be fed. They are strongly against him sleeping alone surrounded by his crib, they co-slept with all their four children. We co-sleep with Zachary because he still wake up at least once a night and he wlil not sleep in the crib. He used to sleep contained by the bed they sleep in now but obviously he can't while they're here. I am going to work soon and we be very happy Jeremiah slept through the night and he slept alone, for this cause.
All this would not matter to me ultimately, except for the fact that Jeremiah is now strongly attached to my MIL and not to me. It's be bothering me for a while, but tonight I could not get my usually not-fussy baby to calm down. After his tub I tried to feed him his bottle and put him to sleep, but he kept fussing and crying. Then my MIL heard and called to him as she come, and when he heard her voice and saw her he got excited and lifted up his arms and stopped fussing as soon as she took him, and he fell asleep next to her in no time.
I'm more than a little jealous. I touch like I'm his sister, not his mom. It doesn't help that my MIL will say things similar to, "She may be his mom, but he always cries for ME." She also says, "come to mommy" when she talks to Jeremiah. She never does this for Zach. She refers to Zach as "yours" and Jeremiah as "mine." Also, my husband and FIl cordially say things like, "Look, he's crying for his grandma again." (ie - not for me).
My husband thinks we should agree to them sleep with Jeremiah because they are only here for so long, and they won't see the kids for a long time when they go vertebrae home.
Can you help me put this into perspective? What are your thoughts?
My MIL lives in Mexico for half the year (we live contained by Toronto, Canada) and for the other half of the year she lives in a town that is a six hour drive away contained by a house that is too small for the three of us to visit... So we're in like boat as far as her forming a relationship with our daughter.
That said, my husband and I would NEVER let her and her husband interfere with our daughter's diary. They stayed with us for about a week, when my daughter was already two-months-old and they have to fit into our schedule... She was already sleeping through the night by after, but I noticed that their noise in the morning (they are far from softness people) would wake her up before her normal time... And even that bothered the crap out of me. It should clearly bother you that they interfered with his schedule, especially since he was sleeping on his own and through the dark.
I think putting and end to co-sleeping would be fine. They're all sleeping, it's not exactly talent time together. I would also put an end to letting her call herself 'mommy'. You are Jeremiah's only mother, she should not be overstepping those boundaries. Have a tell with your husband if you're not comfortable bringing these points up with her on your own.
Try to get Jeremiah on some sort of rota without her... Think about how terrible it's going to be for you and him once she go back to Europe.
I also think that it's terrible that she treats Zachary that opening... It's unfair to him and their relationship.
If I were you, I would get everything subsidise to the way it used to be and let them fit into your schedule. It's your family unit, your house and your rules. They're the grandparents and they have to figure out that role. They're also the ones who are choosing to live in Europe, so they can't gross you feel guilty about not seeing them for a few years... Because it sounds like your MIL will unambiguously try.
Sounds like they came in and messed up your contented successful routine. Remember ultimately it is about what is best for the babies Not you or your MIL having said that the new routine is broken well for Jeremiah and it is blatant favoritism.
My first thought is...there is no way I would allow my son to start co-sleeping near my in laws, no matter how long they be going to stay. Especially since he was already established sleeping by alone in his own bed. I would speak to your MIL or have your husband do it, depending on your relationship next to her. While it is great that he has a good relationship with grandma, it should not be replacing his relationship next to you. If she continues to foster this for the next 4 months, it is going to be very difficult for your son when she leaves. Beyond your jealousy (which is how most would feel), I don't deduce this is good for your son.
Im with you on this one - your the mother, not her.
In every way your sending out the wrong message to her - she is NOT the mother, you are, and your letting her get away near everything she does! And even encouraging it!
You need to stop the cosleeping immediately - to be honest it doesnt really matter if she is "strongly against" babies sleeping alone, or anything that you do, because she is NOT the mother, and she does NOT seize to make the decisions on your kids wellbeing! I may nouns harsh, but you really have to nip this in the bud.
Personally i would be more concerned at the blatant predilection going on here between your two boys - poor zach must be picking up on whats going on here!
Maybe they wont stay for long, but who knows? One day maybe they will agree on they like jeremiah so much there going to move to the area, or even within with you.
If anything you should use the distance to your advantage - if you tell her exactly what she is doing wrong and what you dislike, shes not surrounded by the area to * and moan about it!
You really have to nip this contained by the bud - your the mummy, not her!
If not for you, then for your kid - its not right that one is so blantantly the favourite!
At the end of the afternoon you have to secure your role as mummy so that its not such a big deal for the kids when they start out. They cant just uproot your family when they come to town!
Your the mummy - remember that! They are your kids, whether your MIL likes it or not! Make the rules, stick to them!
:o) apposite luck Source(s): also has mil troubles ...
Answers: Oh, there's no doubt...that is WEIRD! "She may be his mom, but he other cries for ME." She also says, "come to mommy" when she talks to Jeremiah. Are you serious? It is all out of the love of her heart...but is ridiculous.
Even if my own mother did that charitable of stuff I would be mad. I would say to let it walk since they do not live nearby, but you got 4 MONTHS TO GO GIRL. If you don't set things straight you might go reasonably and officially insane.
There is a nice way to talk something like things...I am sure you know how to be Politically Correct with MIL's. But HECK YES, a talk needs to be have!
I'm sorry I don't have advice on what to tell you to do, but I would be so upset & hurt & it's totally rude of them to do that stuff to you. I'd talk to your husband although if he's like most men, he'll probably act similar to you are being oversensitive. Which you are not.
Oh my gosh, I'm fuming right now, if only for the fact that you have a five month old baby who was without a flaw happy to sleep through the night in his own crib and presently he's waking and used to cosleeping, which will be harder to break the longer he gets used to it (been there, done that :). Nevermind, the "he's mine" bit, which would own made me go insane if it ever came out of my MIL's mouth. God forbid if she ever called herself "mommy." And your poor elder son, how must he feel to have his Grandma so obviously favor his younger brother??
It's time for you to put your foot down. Too impossible if they only come once every few years, this is YOUR child and your family and you must do what best for you and yours. And, I would make her be the one to catch your little one sleeping back in his crib. She brought some sleepless nights on herself, I'd utter. Defintely get hubby on board and have him own some conversations with MIL but make sure he stands behind you 100%.
Good luck!
She is totally overstepping her boundaries. This is your child and you are not going to get this time with him vertebrae. She is ruining your bonding experience with your son. She needs to lay off. You obligation to be an assertive momma bear and protect your little cub. She will run over you forever if you don't put a stop to it now. It may be uncomfortable, but they are disappearing and if they don't like it, they can leave sooner rather than after that. Geez.
I would be super jealous! Get your baby rear sleeping with you, and don't let her call him her child. My husband has a big family who are very meddlesome and they resembling to call my baby theirs. I get really batty, and have just gotten to the point I avoid most of his family.
Family can be a existing bummer, believe me.
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