MIL more or less to find the smack-down, yes or no?

Hi there ladies! I wanted to get a touch bit of advice from you all about something that go down yesterday...

I am pretty aprehensive about letting my mother in-law watch our almost 14 month old daughter because she constantly does not respect our wishes considering not giving her ginger ale or sips of beer, getting Audrey practical her CRAZY cats, playing in her grass full of spiders, I could go on & on. But, it comes down to the fact that she doesn't contribute a rat about being careful or keeping our daughter safe and sound. But anyways, I went outside of my better judgement and agreed to let her take Audrey to OMSI, this children's science center adjacent and let her take my car beside the car seat in it and I took her saloon. This was SUPPOSEDLY, the only place they were supposed to shift.

I decide to head over the mall give or take a few 5ish minutes away to check out the Bath & Body Works sale and what do you know...there is Audrey & my MIL! WTH? Not only be they at the mall, they were at an ear piercing kiosk getting little black dots drawn on Audrey's ears prepping them to get pierced.

My husband & I have long talked about that we were not going to do that until she be 12 or so, or when she actually wanted to do it. It infuryated me that she would take my daughter and bring in a decision like that on her own! I still cannot believe it!

I did not lose my cool if fear of making a scene, merely calmly asked what they were doing, and she said, "Oh, I was going to surprise you and go and get Audrey's ears pierced." I swiftly took Audrey and all her stuff, traded car keys and hold not seen or heard from her since.

I know over at their house I am being made out to be the psycho...am I over-reacting? It's not necessarily the certainty of getting the ears pierced...there are far worse things. It is that she was going to something that BIG behind my backbone. It's like she was proving her domain with my daughter and be peeing on my tree so to speak.

What do you guys think I should do? I cannot see myself letting her babysit for a LONG time and I might just have to hold a confrontation with the woman.
she has no boundaries. she is not her mother and had absolutely NO business doing such a entity. i would NEVER let her be alone with the child again. if anyone asked why...i would tell them flat out - i permit her take my child against my better judgement and she slapped me in the face the totally FIRST time. so never again. if she doesn't like it, too bad.

i have a great mother surrounded by law. she is wonderful in many ways, but she be trying to potty train my son without discussing it with me first or at least conversation to me about how we were gonna go roughly it (as a team)...i found this unacceptable and pretty much let her know. now we own a 4 week old daughter and if she EVER attempted to 'pierce' any part of her without consulting near me first, she would see her grandkids about once or twice a year, i certainly would NEVER let her be alone near them.

boundaries DO exist, even for grandmas!
oh goodness!
i probably would've made a scene. good luck dealing with her. no concern how much you talk to her she's not gonna listen...seems like shes stuck within her ways and doesn't see anything wrong with what she does.
gosh...how upsetting.
Hey I'm all for a good confrontation when needed, and in this situation I contemplate it is! I agree w/what you did and how you reacted. My question is where is your husband, and is he not dictum anything to his mother? I don't think you're over-reacting. She needs to know her boundaries and you need to be the one to consent to her know. YOU are the mom not her, and you need to make that clear. If a confrontation is the only track then so be it but she needs to know to back sour and respect your wishes or your daughter will not be allowed to stay w/her. good luck.
smack down, let her know that if she wants to to see Audrey that she need to chill, your the mother not her, I wouldn't permit her babysit my kids.
I would have freaked out on her!! She has not right to now single go someplace other then where she toldyou she be going but to pierce her ears!! That is completely rediculous, I would not let her babysit agian.

And also since it is your husbands mother I would make him talk to her so you dont look lik eyou are alone roughly speaking this but that as parents these are you are your husbands rules and that is that!

Good luck!
I was going to say -- ginger ale...spiders...bah! Harmless! And next I got to the ear-piercing part. No, you are not overreacting. I would not leave her alone next to that Grandma again for years and years.
Answers:    OH LYNS- SMACK DOWN INDEED! Just like I said in my email early, that was totally inappropriate. Whether she was doing it to stake her involvement beside her granddaughter, to do something "nice" or whatever her reason may have be, it's not appropriate. Putting HOLES within your child's body DEFINITELY requires a pre-approval in my opinion. Who cares if they suggest you're a "psycho" over at her house, all these moms on Y!A now think SHE'S a psycho. She's lucky you have the self control to not grab the ear piercing gun and chase her with it! I very powerfully may have. I think you're absolutely right to consent to Audrey choose when she wants to get her own ears pierced. That's what my parents did with me and when I be about 11 or 12 I was so excited to go do it, pick out the earrings and receive it done then...it's a girly experience and fun to let them participate contained by it when they're older. You're absolutely right to get angry. How did Dan act in response? Good luck and LMAO at the "sips of ginger ale and beer"!! Source(s): your online bff Carrie :)
Dear god I would have been so pissed if anyone be going to "surprise" me with my daughters ears being pierced. I have 3 facial piercings and multiple ear piercings so I'm not against piercing (but I sure wont be the mom who let her kid get what ever they want pierced at 16 tho) and I'm with you about ear piercings, she'll capture them when she's old enough/wants them. If it was me I would also not let her little one sit for a long time. I don't think I would avoid her all together. It does need to be discussed between you three, and for you I hope your husband sucks it up this round and stick up for what he think. Otherwise I don't think you'll get your point across. And I was purely curious if its even allowed to have someone other than the child's parent/s to consent to piercing their ears. I would think not because of liability reason but if it was some cheepy stand at a mall it wouldn't surprise me for them to break the rules. Good luck my dear beside this one!
That is very disrespectful! I always detested the way my father-in-law talked about getting my son a style behind our backs if he got the providence. Needless to say, I never gave him that chance! For a while my son have a long boy haircut (really cute!) and he always said he needed a real hairstyle. It really pissed me off, but I never said anything about it. I kept my mouth shut and ignored him when he made rude remarks.

I reckon you and your husband need to explain to her the reason for not wanting to get her ears pierced. You also entail to explain to her that she should not make any decisions like that surrounded by the future or else she will not be able to keep under surveillance your daughter. She might get all mad and protecting, on the other hand she could realize your point of view. Either way you will probably inevitability to confront her about her actions... sooner or later.

Luckily you be at the mall! Can you imagine if you weren't! Then I would really say SMACK DOWN lol!
OMGosh! NO you are not over reacting at all. I would have flipped out on her at the shopping arcade. You surprise mommies with home made cards and pictures NOT ear piercings!! I would not trust her with your daughter, if she is going to ignore your wishes, no relating what she will let her do/ have!! I think that you and your husband should own a sit down talk with her, and let her know because of that stunt if she requirements to see Audrey it has to be supervised until you can trust her again!! And for a little while she just wishes to come to y'alls house and see her! Just my opinion but I would not trust her... :)
No, your not overreacting. It's your daughter and your decision.
I know exactly where on earth you are coming from.. I have a 5 month old son and my MIL drives me nuts. She is always describing me what to feed him and how much. She is always telling me whats wrong near him when i know she is wrong and so far i have not let her watch him longer than an hour or so in recent times because I feel uncomfortable. I know that she will sneak him some ice cream or something he shouldn't be intake. But i keep my cool and state what i think.

I know my husbands whole inherited prob thinks im a horrible woman but i just don't like relatives telling how to take care of my son.

However to answer you press. I don't think you should make a HUGE deal of it. I would verbs her aside.(don't talk to her in front of others it might embarrass her) and just inform her about the piercing and that you would like for her to ask before doing something that big.

Also a short time ago talk to her about how you want you daughter to be cared for. She may not close to it but if you talk to her like an adult she will respect you HOPEFULLY! lol Source(s): Well im a woman near a horrible MIL! lol! your not the only one!
I was thinking "Typical MIL" until I read "they be at an ear piercing kiosk getting little black dots drawn on Audrey's ears..."

That would have pissed me off and I would have given her a piece of my mind right consequently and there. Did she honestly think that was okay? Without even consulting you FIRST? I can get the drift the sweets and taking her places but to actually go and pierce your daughter's ears without your consent and/or short you being there too? No way, that's crossing the string.
Wow, your MIL is totally over the top and within the wrong. She really needs to start respecting your boundaries. You are this child's mother, and a decision like getting your daughters ears pierced should hold been left to you and the child's father. For someone to even think that would be okay is beyond me.

I hold issues with my MIL (to be) and her pushing my boundaries too. I have tried to keep the peace for too copious years and I'm afraid I'm going to explode on her one of these days. This woman has come to my home and rearranged my furniture (including our bed) minus asking, took pictures of me giving birth to my son without asking (when I had already given in after self hesitant to even let her in the room), and didn't even relate me about the pictures (I was obviously pre-occupied), I found them on her camera two weeks subsequently and who knows if/how many people saw them, she have basically told me that she doesn't care if my family is within when my fiance and I get married, as long as she is there. We live in TX, and they live surrounded by OK, while my family is in UT, and it's created a lot of stress surrounded by trying to plan the wedding I want.

Anyway, sorry, this isn't about me.

I think that you call for to stand up for yourself, so that these things don't keep happening. I wish that's what I have done from the beginning. Does your husband understand where you are coming from and/or support you?

Edited to include: I also would be very angry about finding them at the mall when she said they be going elsewhere. To me that says that she has absolutely no respect and it doesn't bother her to falsehood to you. Even my son's own father better not tell me he's taking my son somewhere and then I find out he's somewhere else. A mother has a right to know where on earth her children are and what they are doing.
thats f-in ridiculous, I would tell your MIL that she is not trusted alone with your daughter, the reality that she went against your wishes like that would piss me off, and honestly I would never permit her near my daughter ever again, but that might be too harsh, I just would never agree to her babysit again, ever.
Wow...that is pretty wretched of her. I know, MIL relations are so hard. We live subsequent door to my MIL, so I have to swallow a lot of crap just to keep hold of the peace and living situation civil. My MIL is always butting into my parenting decisions, and she is very submissive aggressive with things. She is infuriating.
The fact that you mentioned she is giving her sips of beer is very, amazingly concerning. If I were you, I would only allow her to visit your newborn when you are around, because obviously you cannot trust her farther than you can throw her.
I can't believe she was going to pierce her ears without your consent!! Terrible. Just don't permit her have your baby alone any more, but be prepared for some conflict, I am sure. Best of luck, and you are not alone with intrusion, careless in-laws!
Smackdown for SURE! My own Mother would get smacked down if she thought for a SECOND more or less piercing my childs skin so needless to say, my MIL would have be in a heap on the floor at the piercing kiosk and she would NEVER see my Daughter again, regardless of what my Husband thought about it.

Thank God I own a normal MIL
It'd be one thing if she "surprised" you beside getting Audrey a new outfit or coloring book, its all together another story though when it comes to getting her ears pierced. That'd be like if my son's grandma took him to achieve him circumsized (well, kind of), but you get the point.

Its wrong.

I don't know if I would cause a scene, I am sure you don't want to manufacture your husband uncomfortable, but I definitely would not EVER leave your child alone next to her. She will end up coming home with purple hair and a tattoo "oh but mommy, grandma say it would be a surprise).

Gah, the nerve of that woman.
omg, i would have lost it, that's a big decision! I would describe her that what she did was wrong and if she is going to keep acting this way she cannot be alone near her!
OMG that is the craziest thing I've heard adjectives day! If that happened with my MIL, I would go and get my husband to tell her off. That way it doesn't lately seem like you are the decision initiator of the family. She may even take him more seriouly than you.

You and the father are the parents and she should respect that.
Heck no you are not over reacting. I would have consent to loose in the mall. How dare they take her to bring back her ears peirced without your permission. And if anyone ever gave my daughter a sip of beer, household or not they would have a mouth full of fist... Sorry to get all crazy, but no path. That is your daughter and they dont need to watch her anymore. Never. That is not right.
OMG I'm proud of you for NOT getting all psycho. I would have. I would not trust her to watch your kid ever again. The reality that she was about to get holes punched contained by YOUR KID'S ears without your permission is totally insane to me. It almost sounds like she is doing those things to piss you past its sell-by date. Sorry for the words lol. Don't have a confrontation unless she says something rude to you about what happen. I would politely say "no thanks" if she offers to babysit.
I would be infuriated if my mother-in-law or mother took my daughter to get her ears pierced without my ease. It's not something that can be undone or just goes away. You are not over-reacting.

I don't blame you for not wanting to agree to her babysit again. Can your husband talk to his mother about this? In the conversation he could let her know how both of you enjoy lost trust in her to care for your child and that she needs to respect your wishes.

In the adjectives, make sure that you, your husband or another adult who will stand up for your desires is with your daughter and mother-in-law when the two are together.

Good luck!

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