Pregnancy and Mother-In-Law Help!?
I am 39 weeks pregnant..been married for almost a year. My mother in law and I hold never been on the same page. She is an older female and overall quite contrary. She constantly makes mean and rude comments to me.sometimes instinctively degrading. Too many/much to list or get into. But put it this way...I am not this womans favorite soul and she obviously thinks I am too young and know nothing(i'm 24). I try not to say anything back because I want to be respectful but it is so hard to bite my tounge. My husband is pretty unassuming on the issue when I express my frustration to him. I absolutely dread being around this woman she makes me have a feeling so crappy.
So the main issue I'm having is this is my first baby on the style, and my mother in law will be coming to visit/stay as soon as the baby is born..possibly for a few weeks. I really dont want to be bombarded by her and her absolute rudeness and advice, especially when I am trying to adjust to my new babe, breastfeed, heal, spend time with my husband etc.
But my husband feels this isn't neutral, seeing it is HIS mother and she also has a few hours drive to get to our home and she is "older." I dont mind her visit the baby but not right away and not for a continuous length of time.
Am I being selfish? I perceive really bad but I don't want/need the stress/torture this woman will cause me during such a time for my husband and I. It's been bothering me soo much surrounded by the last little while it makes me sick to my stomach. Please any advice on how I should approach this situation..or how would you discern if you were in a similar situation..or any experiences? Thanks!!
I understand where on earth you are coming from on this one. Both mine and my husband's parents live over an hour away. We just told them that we wanted to be left alone for a few days to adjust to man a new family. We had the restrain on both sets of parents so one did not feel slighted. They respected our wishes. We told them that we would call if we needed help. When my son be about 3 weeks old my husband had to hand down for the week so I went and stayed w/ my mom and dad a few days for some extra help and sanity!
Honesty come 1st, tell your husband how you feel that, you don't want to be disturb for a while beside the new baby, if his mum is coming, she shouldn't stay long and not for every day. You simply need your husband and baby to bond with for immediately. Good luck and safe delivery.
Answers: This is the time to be a little unkind - and that is perfectly ok! You are going to do a lot of seriously intricate work and will need some down time and positive support. It is hard enough to concordat with the ups and downs of having a baby, permit alone mixing them with family who are hard on you.
You want to set your foot down and demand that your husband support you on this. He is supposed to support and protect you, even if it is from his own mother.
If the drive is that hard on your MIL, then she can hang around to visit the baby until you are ready or she can stay at a hotel. She doesn't entail time to heal or bond with your newborn - you do.
She is being greedy by demanding that she invade into your home and sanctuary to effect disruption. Your husband needs to cut the apron strings and stand up for his wife.
You are not self selfish.
Stress can trigger depression after having the child.
And you are right, it will be a huge hassle having her around while trying to build some familial time.
You need to get yourself together after that.
I think you are right.
And I also cogitate that you should let your husband know that he needs to be a little bit smaller amount passive and understand what you will be going through.
Mother-in-laws are awful. The one from my first marriage actually tagged along right after we get married and hooked my husband, now ex, with his ex-girlfriend whenever he would go home to look in without me. So I understand what you are going through.
Even though she is a complete pain within the ahole her help might come in handy. But you should discuss it with your husband beforehand that she is not to criticize one and only to help and that if she begins nagging she is gone. If he will not discuss it with her than you should.
Maybe even ask if she can postpone her extended look in until a few weeks after you get home. Lie and tell her you have the first few weeks covered because of your kith and kin, but that you will really need her help once they are not able to relief.
Good luck. I feel horrible for saying this sometimes but I now own the best kind of mother-in-law, deceased. I don't really feel that agency, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind. I do have a step mother-in-law, but they are not the same.
You have married a "mommy's boy" who is afraid to stand up to her. Try speaking with him to explain that you will need time to become comfortable surrounded by your new role as a mother and will not be able to host any visitors within the first month or two. If he refuses to speak to his mother, you will have to do it. She will blame the lack of meet on you whether he speaks to her or whether you do so it really lmakes no difference. Hopefully, at some point, your husband will mature to the point where he realizes that he requirements to stand up and accept you as his wife.
Send her a note thanking her for her thoughtfulness and her desire to facilitate you but explain that your doctor has recommended that you do not host any guests for some time after the birth due to your need to morph or become comfortable in your modern role. If she ignores your wishes, send her a list of hotels within your area where she can stay. You might also want to look at taking the baby and going for an extended break to see your mother or family at that time so that your mother-in-law and her son can have a great visit.
Your husband may not mind his mother coming to drop by as he will be at work while you are left with the hosting duties. That is something he should not expect from you.
Try not to worry to much...Its not fitting for you or the baby. I know how u feel tho. My boyfriends mom is the same track with me. She had a FIT when she learned that I be pregnant. I have no idea why she doesn't like me for I own done nothing and always am very polite. She is a moment ago a crazy evil woman..lol but she IS my boyfriends mom and she will be the grandmother so i guess ill have to put up with it. My suggestion...don't say or do anything...act sweet as sugar to her even if ur fuming on the inside. lol when she sees that she cant bring to you..she may ease up a bit..Good luck girl i feel your pain. :) and congrats on ur soon to be contemporary arrival.
I despise my MIL. So does her son. The ONLY entity I see as beneficial to her coming is that you can get some rest the first few weeks while she is watching your baby.
If she gives you direction or suggestions, just say "thanks, MIL or Crazy Bat (whatever), i.e. a great suggestion. let me think about that for a while." It complements her and puts her sour at the same time. Hopefully it will confuse her and she will be at a loss for words.
If you can stomach her for two weeks, use her as payback for all the rude things she have said to you.
I just have a baby girl two month ago. And this is very challenging stage contained by a woman life. I would prefer to stay along rather than being dealing next to stress. However, you will need someone there a least for the first week.
Try to take some rest when the baby is sleeping, and don't allowed anyone to bather you. Everybody will try to give you some advice, but at the cease is your choice to accept it or no. Remember this will be your baby and you will be the only one, who will be responsible for his/her schooling.
I am still having a hard time between my mom and my mother in statute trying to raise my daughter, but I am following Dr. and professional advices.
Elders sometimes have so many Myth and believes that I don,t share next to them.
My mother in law only showed up at darkness time when I didn't need her and didn't help in any housekeeping work. She bring my daughter gifts adjectives the time, but believe me at the beginning you will appreciate support and cleaning more than money. Good luck with your labor and with your infant.
If She had help you now throw your the pregnancy is ok to allow her to stay,otherwise no.
God bless you and your babe-in-arms and provide you with wisdom.
I hope your mom can be there for you.
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So the main issue I'm having is this is my first baby on the style, and my mother in law will be coming to visit/stay as soon as the baby is born..possibly for a few weeks. I really dont want to be bombarded by her and her absolute rudeness and advice, especially when I am trying to adjust to my new babe, breastfeed, heal, spend time with my husband etc.
But my husband feels this isn't neutral, seeing it is HIS mother and she also has a few hours drive to get to our home and she is "older." I dont mind her visit the baby but not right away and not for a continuous length of time.
Am I being selfish? I perceive really bad but I don't want/need the stress/torture this woman will cause me during such a time for my husband and I. It's been bothering me soo much surrounded by the last little while it makes me sick to my stomach. Please any advice on how I should approach this situation..or how would you discern if you were in a similar situation..or any experiences? Thanks!!
I understand where on earth you are coming from on this one. Both mine and my husband's parents live over an hour away. We just told them that we wanted to be left alone for a few days to adjust to man a new family. We had the restrain on both sets of parents so one did not feel slighted. They respected our wishes. We told them that we would call if we needed help. When my son be about 3 weeks old my husband had to hand down for the week so I went and stayed w/ my mom and dad a few days for some extra help and sanity!
Honesty come 1st, tell your husband how you feel that, you don't want to be disturb for a while beside the new baby, if his mum is coming, she shouldn't stay long and not for every day. You simply need your husband and baby to bond with for immediately. Good luck and safe delivery.
Answers: This is the time to be a little unkind - and that is perfectly ok! You are going to do a lot of seriously intricate work and will need some down time and positive support. It is hard enough to concordat with the ups and downs of having a baby, permit alone mixing them with family who are hard on you.
You want to set your foot down and demand that your husband support you on this. He is supposed to support and protect you, even if it is from his own mother.
If the drive is that hard on your MIL, then she can hang around to visit the baby until you are ready or she can stay at a hotel. She doesn't entail time to heal or bond with your newborn - you do.
She is being greedy by demanding that she invade into your home and sanctuary to effect disruption. Your husband needs to cut the apron strings and stand up for his wife.
You are not self selfish.
Stress can trigger depression after having the child.
And you are right, it will be a huge hassle having her around while trying to build some familial time.
You need to get yourself together after that.
I think you are right.
And I also cogitate that you should let your husband know that he needs to be a little bit smaller amount passive and understand what you will be going through.
Mother-in-laws are awful. The one from my first marriage actually tagged along right after we get married and hooked my husband, now ex, with his ex-girlfriend whenever he would go home to look in without me. So I understand what you are going through.
Even though she is a complete pain within the ahole her help might come in handy. But you should discuss it with your husband beforehand that she is not to criticize one and only to help and that if she begins nagging she is gone. If he will not discuss it with her than you should.
Maybe even ask if she can postpone her extended look in until a few weeks after you get home. Lie and tell her you have the first few weeks covered because of your kith and kin, but that you will really need her help once they are not able to relief.
Good luck. I feel horrible for saying this sometimes but I now own the best kind of mother-in-law, deceased. I don't really feel that agency, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind. I do have a step mother-in-law, but they are not the same.
You have married a "mommy's boy" who is afraid to stand up to her. Try speaking with him to explain that you will need time to become comfortable surrounded by your new role as a mother and will not be able to host any visitors within the first month or two. If he refuses to speak to his mother, you will have to do it. She will blame the lack of meet on you whether he speaks to her or whether you do so it really lmakes no difference. Hopefully, at some point, your husband will mature to the point where he realizes that he requirements to stand up and accept you as his wife.
Send her a note thanking her for her thoughtfulness and her desire to facilitate you but explain that your doctor has recommended that you do not host any guests for some time after the birth due to your need to morph or become comfortable in your modern role. If she ignores your wishes, send her a list of hotels within your area where she can stay. You might also want to look at taking the baby and going for an extended break to see your mother or family at that time so that your mother-in-law and her son can have a great visit.
Your husband may not mind his mother coming to drop by as he will be at work while you are left with the hosting duties. That is something he should not expect from you.
Try not to worry to much...Its not fitting for you or the baby. I know how u feel tho. My boyfriends mom is the same track with me. She had a FIT when she learned that I be pregnant. I have no idea why she doesn't like me for I own done nothing and always am very polite. She is a moment ago a crazy evil woman..lol but she IS my boyfriends mom and she will be the grandmother so i guess ill have to put up with it. My suggestion...don't say or do anything...act sweet as sugar to her even if ur fuming on the inside. lol when she sees that she cant bring to you..she may ease up a bit..Good luck girl i feel your pain. :) and congrats on ur soon to be contemporary arrival.
I despise my MIL. So does her son. The ONLY entity I see as beneficial to her coming is that you can get some rest the first few weeks while she is watching your baby.
If she gives you direction or suggestions, just say "thanks, MIL or Crazy Bat (whatever), i.e. a great suggestion. let me think about that for a while." It complements her and puts her sour at the same time. Hopefully it will confuse her and she will be at a loss for words.
If you can stomach her for two weeks, use her as payback for all the rude things she have said to you.
I just have a baby girl two month ago. And this is very challenging stage contained by a woman life. I would prefer to stay along rather than being dealing next to stress. However, you will need someone there a least for the first week.
Try to take some rest when the baby is sleeping, and don't allowed anyone to bather you. Everybody will try to give you some advice, but at the cease is your choice to accept it or no. Remember this will be your baby and you will be the only one, who will be responsible for his/her schooling.
I am still having a hard time between my mom and my mother in statute trying to raise my daughter, but I am following Dr. and professional advices.
Elders sometimes have so many Myth and believes that I don,t share next to them.
My mother in law only showed up at darkness time when I didn't need her and didn't help in any housekeeping work. She bring my daughter gifts adjectives the time, but believe me at the beginning you will appreciate support and cleaning more than money. Good luck with your labor and with your infant.
If She had help you now throw your the pregnancy is ok to allow her to stay,otherwise no.
God bless you and your babe-in-arms and provide you with wisdom.
I hope your mom can be there for you.
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