Angel kid - what can I do or enunciate?
My best friend miscarried last week. She seems fine, but if you look at her when she doesnt know, she looks so sad. I am not trying to win info on how to make her get over it, I am still trying to deal near it myself, I just want to know what I can say or do to make her get the impression al little better.
She is planning her wedding and now she is saying that it have to be perfect and fun coz she has to make everyone joyful again. She thinks it is her fault we are sad. I already tried relating her it isn't and that we are supposed to be helping her.
It breaks my heart coz her fiancee and her have been trying for 2 and a half years and this be their first pregnancy.
What can I do?
Answers: In 2003 I had a miscarriage after trying for 17 months before conceiving. I was so sure that it be my fault. I kept thinking "Why did I wear that skirt with those tight pantyhose?" "I should have be more careful when I mopped the floor, maybe that fall finishing month caused this". It was all my reproach, and nothing anyone could say changed that. My husband didn't know how to react, so he would build stupid slapstick jokes about the medical instruments etc... My sister freaked out because we had one and the same due date before I miscarried and she would just look at me and start crying over and over again. My mom just hugged me, and said we could own another soon and that I would get over it, because she had lost twins, and she was okay. The doctors said that it be because there was probably something wrong with the kid. They told me that a lot of women get pregnant more easily after a miscarriage because the contractions minister to clean out all the bad stuff surrounded by her uterus. All I wanted was someone to not make a comment. To in recent times have a friend who would just listen if I wanted to chitchat, and to talk about something else if I didn't. I don't mean shame it, just don't keep bringing it up. Be there if she requests to talk, but don't insist on it. The wedding thing is probably because she desires another place to put her mental energy to keep from thinking about her loss non-stop. Just sustain her with all that you can and point out that the wedding is supposed to be impeccable for her. Just the way she wants it, not the way she think everyone else wants it. Just to find the the things that make her happy and do those, and merely those. If she thinks she made everyone sad because she lost the baby, and she requests to make them happy again, ask her if they are sad because they discern bad for her and her fiance, or the baby. You know that everyone will tell her that the kid is in heaven now, so the twinge they feel is for them. The fact is that if those people are disconsolate, it is because they know she is hurting. If they see her enjoying herself and feeling better, it will help them discern better too.
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She is planning her wedding and now she is saying that it have to be perfect and fun coz she has to make everyone joyful again. She thinks it is her fault we are sad. I already tried relating her it isn't and that we are supposed to be helping her.
It breaks my heart coz her fiancee and her have been trying for 2 and a half years and this be their first pregnancy.
What can I do?
Answers: In 2003 I had a miscarriage after trying for 17 months before conceiving. I was so sure that it be my fault. I kept thinking "Why did I wear that skirt with those tight pantyhose?" "I should have be more careful when I mopped the floor, maybe that fall finishing month caused this". It was all my reproach, and nothing anyone could say changed that. My husband didn't know how to react, so he would build stupid slapstick jokes about the medical instruments etc... My sister freaked out because we had one and the same due date before I miscarried and she would just look at me and start crying over and over again. My mom just hugged me, and said we could own another soon and that I would get over it, because she had lost twins, and she was okay. The doctors said that it be because there was probably something wrong with the kid. They told me that a lot of women get pregnant more easily after a miscarriage because the contractions minister to clean out all the bad stuff surrounded by her uterus. All I wanted was someone to not make a comment. To in recent times have a friend who would just listen if I wanted to chitchat, and to talk about something else if I didn't. I don't mean shame it, just don't keep bringing it up. Be there if she requests to talk, but don't insist on it. The wedding thing is probably because she desires another place to put her mental energy to keep from thinking about her loss non-stop. Just sustain her with all that you can and point out that the wedding is supposed to be impeccable for her. Just the way she wants it, not the way she think everyone else wants it. Just to find the the things that make her happy and do those, and merely those. If she thinks she made everyone sad because she lost the baby, and she requests to make them happy again, ask her if they are sad because they discern bad for her and her fiance, or the baby. You know that everyone will tell her that the kid is in heaven now, so the twinge they feel is for them. The fact is that if those people are disconsolate, it is because they know she is hurting. If they see her enjoying herself and feeling better, it will help them discern better too.
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