Adoption Question from an adoptee?
Hello. I am an adult adoptee who is researching views on adoption for an adoption news article. I enjoy come here several times and I would like to ask a question and to tell my story.
I be adopted at 6 months old. No one in my relations tried to hide the fact that I was adopt (I am biracial-so they could not). However, my parents were very supportive and I never felt anything but loved and required. My dad is a man of few words and he and I did not talk much about it. I am nothing smaller number than his son as far as he is concerned. My mom has had very honest conversations next to me about it. She always said that we could talk as much or as little in the region of it as I wanted. She said it is my story, my life and I could always come to her. She would other stop whatever she was doing and take my mitt and let me pour my heart out to her. The hardest time I ever really had with it be when I was 7-8. I felt rejected. My parents were honest beside me about why I was placed. Mom wrote to my biological mother every year (at least). As I grew older I unspoken more of why I was placed for adoption...I never say I was "given up", it's a infatuation from my parents. They never phrased it that way.
I have not met my bio mom. I have no desire to anymore. I suppose of her at weird times but I don't find her necasary. I have a great mom and while she has pressed me to locate her, I have not had the urge. It is not b/c I am afraid to hurt my mom, she is comfortable with it. She know that she is my "real" mom (b/c she did all the real mothering, JMHO) and that she would not be replaced. She has said since that there is love big enough for all of us.
Now, my interrogate. Do you thihnk as an adoptee that you would feel better about your adoption if you had parents that supported you surrounded by regards to the fact that yes, you are adopted? That you have another family? If you had support? I am not here saying that everyone feel bad about being adopt. I think for every bad story there are hundreds of great ones.
Well, I was adopted as a toddler and now I am 18.
I think that if my parents would actually verbalize to me about my Adoption it would be a lot easier to deal next to it.
My parents wont talk about it or tell me anything, so yes It would be easier to enjoy my parents be a little more helpful about 'how I am intuition.
Whatever your feelings are at this time I would follow. Sometimes later surrounded by life, you may have the desire, it's okay either approach you go. It's all about what you want, sometimes that will cash with age, experience and time. Good luck, sounds like you were raise by a unselfish, wonderful mother with a huge heart. Source(s): ME
I quality the same way you do and it sounds like our adoptive parents are similar (with the exception man that my dad will talk to me about it if I want to).
I currently have no desire to get together my biological mother either. I don't really know why, I just know that I don't feel a "pull" to know her. My adoption is closed so adjectives I know is my date/time of birth, birth length/weight, and the hospital I was born in.
My parents could have unknown my adoption from me (we are the same race so that wouldn't have be an issue) and my grandpa (maternal) even encouraged my mom NOT to tell me I was adopt. She didn't listen (luckily for me) and I've known since before I could even understand. I've other grown up with my adoption just being a chunk of me (and not a negative part).
I love the family I have. Of course they aren't sound (who is?) but they have done everything they could for me and are continuing to do so. I have what I need within life presently.
Thanks for telling your story and allowing me to tell mine =) Source(s): 19 year frail adoptee with an opinion
I have an adopted cousin and 2nd cousin. They look like member of our family. But they were told around 10 that they were adopt and could seek out their birth parents if they chose. Neither one chose to do so. I think telling the child depends on the age at which you inform them and how you think they would take such news. I really meditate if I adopted, I would feel obligated to tell at some point.
"Do you thihnk as an adoptee that you would feel better about your adoption if you had parents that supported you surrounded by regards to the fact that yes, you are adopted? That you have another family? If you had support?"
Well, the answer to that seems close to a no-brainer of yes, yes, yes. Would that all adoptive parents be as supportive and insightful as your parents are.
But as far as the contact with your mother goes...the other year I was speaking to the head of an organization that help adoptees search for their families. He said that time and time again, he has spoken to fully developed adoptees who have had great lives with their adoptive family and have zero desire to search. And he said various times those same adoptees come back years later and want to find and contact their birth parents. His view is that every adoptee is on their own towpath that progresses at its own rate. And typically, it is birth and death touching our lives which jolts us into thinking about the profundities of family and adoption.
For me, it is more almost acknowledging the humanity of the person that gave birth to me and have compassion for their difficult situation and hard choices. If there is discomfort surrounding the idea of the relinquishing birth mother, it is roughly letting go of resentment and ceasing to judge them for those thorny choices. Being able to say: "been near, done that" eliminates any remaining question in everyone's minds and can be a nouns for all involved, especially a parent as understanding as yours.
For me, it's about individual able to comprehend the full story so I can close the book on the past. It's just finding out adjectives about me, first hand from the horse's mouth. I think it's a natural thing to do. Source(s): adult adoptee who had no desire to force out until her mid forty's.
I am still sad to own lost my natural family despite being loved by my adoptive house.
I don't think they could do anything to take away the sadness of not even knowing the hours of daylight you came into the world. That is beyond them and me to fix. Source(s): Surprisingly self actualized adult adoptee who does not know her DOB
Answers: I would own "felt better about my adoption" had my parents talk more about it. I do not think that would have changed the certainty that I wanted to know and love my first family. Even adoptees who had the most loving adoptive parents still own the want and need to search...they still want to know where they come from, and re-establish that broken bond next to their first Moms..
Having a good life has zilch to do with wanting to know our families. As your a Mom says, "nearby is love big enough for all of us." Having openness and anyone able to talk freely as adopted children freshly makes it better for us for when we do search. I have found that the majority of adoptees who survey actually had awesome adoptive parents.
Im glad your Mom was so stretch out. I wonder why, if she wrote to your first Mom, your a Mom never allowed you personally to write to her, or even meet her? Source(s): being adopt and in reunion
My parents be very much as you describe yours.
I wanted to search I did and my family circle of origin have been welcome with open arms and open heart.
Finding my mother was not to 'replace' my adoptive mother as you phrase it. Not at all. That's just unfeasible - we can't erase our shared history together.
The notion that if the parents are 'good enough' the adoptee won't feel the need to query is an outdated, antiquated myth Source(s): Don't insult my Adoptive Parents
You are so lucky! I would have loved it if my adoptive parents would enjoy handled things as yours did.
My adoption was kept secret and when I found out I be told that my first mom was a wh*re and I had better be grateful they saved me from a duration of misery..
My first mom was always talkied badly something like and when I found her I was considered a traitor.
I am an adoptive mom now and trying to keep my daughter's adoption get underway so that she has the choice to have a relationship with her first mom. Source(s): adoptive mom/adult adoptee
My daughter loves her apars...she had indentifying info since she was 21...she did not search for me. And from our several conversations about her pretty good childhood, her love for her apars, no matter how several times she told me her apars would have been 'supportive' of her to search.I hold determined..no matter all the proclamations of love and support...down deep my daughter be afraid of 'hurting' her apars and was afraid of 'rejection' if she had search and found. She told me she other wondered who she was and where she came from...she a moment ago didn't tell anybody...including her apars.
I was the one that searched and found...and my daughter, after adjectives has been said and done...is glad I did!!
What would you do...how would you feel, counter...if your natural mother searched and found you?? Source(s): A natural mother is intensely much a 'real' mother...after all...she is the one that gave you 'real' life and the uncertainty for your apars to be 'real' parents.
Related Questions:
Will adopt two childern fine-tuning the alimony I am paying?
Do you believe that trying to parent is better than not choosing to parent contained by the first place?
Is at hand a place online I can request nonspecific information almost Adoption?
I be adopted at 6 months old. No one in my relations tried to hide the fact that I was adopt (I am biracial-so they could not). However, my parents were very supportive and I never felt anything but loved and required. My dad is a man of few words and he and I did not talk much about it. I am nothing smaller number than his son as far as he is concerned. My mom has had very honest conversations next to me about it. She always said that we could talk as much or as little in the region of it as I wanted. She said it is my story, my life and I could always come to her. She would other stop whatever she was doing and take my mitt and let me pour my heart out to her. The hardest time I ever really had with it be when I was 7-8. I felt rejected. My parents were honest beside me about why I was placed. Mom wrote to my biological mother every year (at least). As I grew older I unspoken more of why I was placed for adoption...I never say I was "given up", it's a infatuation from my parents. They never phrased it that way.
I have not met my bio mom. I have no desire to anymore. I suppose of her at weird times but I don't find her necasary. I have a great mom and while she has pressed me to locate her, I have not had the urge. It is not b/c I am afraid to hurt my mom, she is comfortable with it. She know that she is my "real" mom (b/c she did all the real mothering, JMHO) and that she would not be replaced. She has said since that there is love big enough for all of us.
Now, my interrogate. Do you thihnk as an adoptee that you would feel better about your adoption if you had parents that supported you surrounded by regards to the fact that yes, you are adopted? That you have another family? If you had support? I am not here saying that everyone feel bad about being adopt. I think for every bad story there are hundreds of great ones.
Well, I was adopted as a toddler and now I am 18.
I think that if my parents would actually verbalize to me about my Adoption it would be a lot easier to deal next to it.
My parents wont talk about it or tell me anything, so yes It would be easier to enjoy my parents be a little more helpful about 'how I am intuition.
Whatever your feelings are at this time I would follow. Sometimes later surrounded by life, you may have the desire, it's okay either approach you go. It's all about what you want, sometimes that will cash with age, experience and time. Good luck, sounds like you were raise by a unselfish, wonderful mother with a huge heart. Source(s): ME
I quality the same way you do and it sounds like our adoptive parents are similar (with the exception man that my dad will talk to me about it if I want to).
I currently have no desire to get together my biological mother either. I don't really know why, I just know that I don't feel a "pull" to know her. My adoption is closed so adjectives I know is my date/time of birth, birth length/weight, and the hospital I was born in.
My parents could have unknown my adoption from me (we are the same race so that wouldn't have be an issue) and my grandpa (maternal) even encouraged my mom NOT to tell me I was adopt. She didn't listen (luckily for me) and I've known since before I could even understand. I've other grown up with my adoption just being a chunk of me (and not a negative part).
I love the family I have. Of course they aren't sound (who is?) but they have done everything they could for me and are continuing to do so. I have what I need within life presently.
Thanks for telling your story and allowing me to tell mine =) Source(s): 19 year frail adoptee with an opinion
I have an adopted cousin and 2nd cousin. They look like member of our family. But they were told around 10 that they were adopt and could seek out their birth parents if they chose. Neither one chose to do so. I think telling the child depends on the age at which you inform them and how you think they would take such news. I really meditate if I adopted, I would feel obligated to tell at some point.
"Do you thihnk as an adoptee that you would feel better about your adoption if you had parents that supported you surrounded by regards to the fact that yes, you are adopted? That you have another family? If you had support?"
Well, the answer to that seems close to a no-brainer of yes, yes, yes. Would that all adoptive parents be as supportive and insightful as your parents are.
But as far as the contact with your mother goes...the other year I was speaking to the head of an organization that help adoptees search for their families. He said that time and time again, he has spoken to fully developed adoptees who have had great lives with their adoptive family and have zero desire to search. And he said various times those same adoptees come back years later and want to find and contact their birth parents. His view is that every adoptee is on their own towpath that progresses at its own rate. And typically, it is birth and death touching our lives which jolts us into thinking about the profundities of family and adoption.
For me, it is more almost acknowledging the humanity of the person that gave birth to me and have compassion for their difficult situation and hard choices. If there is discomfort surrounding the idea of the relinquishing birth mother, it is roughly letting go of resentment and ceasing to judge them for those thorny choices. Being able to say: "been near, done that" eliminates any remaining question in everyone's minds and can be a nouns for all involved, especially a parent as understanding as yours.
For me, it's about individual able to comprehend the full story so I can close the book on the past. It's just finding out adjectives about me, first hand from the horse's mouth. I think it's a natural thing to do. Source(s): adult adoptee who had no desire to force out until her mid forty's.
I am still sad to own lost my natural family despite being loved by my adoptive house.
I don't think they could do anything to take away the sadness of not even knowing the hours of daylight you came into the world. That is beyond them and me to fix. Source(s): Surprisingly self actualized adult adoptee who does not know her DOB
Answers: I would own "felt better about my adoption" had my parents talk more about it. I do not think that would have changed the certainty that I wanted to know and love my first family. Even adoptees who had the most loving adoptive parents still own the want and need to search...they still want to know where they come from, and re-establish that broken bond next to their first Moms..
Having a good life has zilch to do with wanting to know our families. As your a Mom says, "nearby is love big enough for all of us." Having openness and anyone able to talk freely as adopted children freshly makes it better for us for when we do search. I have found that the majority of adoptees who survey actually had awesome adoptive parents.
Im glad your Mom was so stretch out. I wonder why, if she wrote to your first Mom, your a Mom never allowed you personally to write to her, or even meet her? Source(s): being adopt and in reunion
My parents be very much as you describe yours.
I wanted to search I did and my family circle of origin have been welcome with open arms and open heart.
Finding my mother was not to 'replace' my adoptive mother as you phrase it. Not at all. That's just unfeasible - we can't erase our shared history together.
The notion that if the parents are 'good enough' the adoptee won't feel the need to query is an outdated, antiquated myth Source(s): Don't insult my Adoptive Parents
You are so lucky! I would have loved it if my adoptive parents would enjoy handled things as yours did.
My adoption was kept secret and when I found out I be told that my first mom was a wh*re and I had better be grateful they saved me from a duration of misery..
My first mom was always talkied badly something like and when I found her I was considered a traitor.
I am an adoptive mom now and trying to keep my daughter's adoption get underway so that she has the choice to have a relationship with her first mom. Source(s): adoptive mom/adult adoptee
My daughter loves her apars...she had indentifying info since she was 21...she did not search for me. And from our several conversations about her pretty good childhood, her love for her apars, no matter how several times she told me her apars would have been 'supportive' of her to search.I hold determined..no matter all the proclamations of love and support...down deep my daughter be afraid of 'hurting' her apars and was afraid of 'rejection' if she had search and found. She told me she other wondered who she was and where she came from...she a moment ago didn't tell anybody...including her apars.
I was the one that searched and found...and my daughter, after adjectives has been said and done...is glad I did!!
What would you do...how would you feel, counter...if your natural mother searched and found you?? Source(s): A natural mother is intensely much a 'real' mother...after all...she is the one that gave you 'real' life and the uncertainty for your apars to be 'real' parents.
Related Questions: