Adopted children answer please...?
Ok well I'm planning to adopt a child when I'm older and I was lately scared about things like if when I notify that child he is adopted he will hate me? Or say things similar to, "well you're not my mother so I don't have to listen to you" Or want to find his real parents and pretty much i be just a roof over their head and they would want nothing to do beside me once they found them... :/
Ok so adopted kids...when were you told that you were adopt? Did you hate them? Were you mad at them? Would you want to find your real parents and purely dump your old ones?
I was adopt at 6 weeks old, and I'm now 24. The thing you own to understand about adopting is that you can't predict the outcome. Adoption is a traumatic event for the child, and respectively child deals with it differently.
Before they came to you, they lost their mother. To them it's matching as if she died. Being given up at birth is the ultimate loss/rejection. Some children respond to this by bonding more fiercely (for lack of a better word) to their adoptive parent. These are the adopt children who generally seem happier/better adjusted. Others push everyone, including you, away. Worst skin scenario, they won't accept comfort from you, they act out, they reject you. All the while, they're hoping that you don't send them away because you're adjectives they know.
This isn't to scare you or to make it seem resembling all adoptions are a bad item. It's only to educate you about what the actuality is for some people. If you can't go into this with the thought that the child might need special help, support and patience from you, you shouldn't adopt. From the nouns of your post it seems like this is something you should research further before making a commitment. Your child might detail you that they hate you or that you're not their 'real' mom. That doesn't mean they don't need you or love you. They're a short time ago damaged.
EDT: Oh, and if they want to find their biological parents it doesn't mean that you were newly a roof over their head. Wanting to understand your past isn't a form of betrayal to those who raise you. Before they were yours, they were someone else's. That's a part of their history. I found my biological mother and it help me resolve a lot of issues that I had. My adoptive mother will always be the closest entry I have to a mother, and I love her deeply. Source(s): I've had a more cynical experience with adoption than some. It's good to consider that you can't control whether your child will have problems or not. By adopt them, you've committed to loving them either way.
i be adopted but i cant answer your questions, because i guess you can say i be adopted differently.. I was adopted into relatives, because my mom died and my dad left minutes later, and my mom's brother wanted to hold on to my siblings and i together.. But i think i would of been better off near strangers.. My family is a train wreck, and just treat me weird...But anyway similar to i knew i was adopted by 3 years frail, and i didnt really know what that meant, all i really understood be that my mom was dead..
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My names Julian i was adopt when i was 3 months old, Ive lived with my parents(adopted parents) unsophisticatedly since i was born (im 16). They told me i was adopted when i be 13 years old. at first i was a little dismayed to find out the relatives that raised me since i was a young little one were not my blood parents. I never told them i hated them or any mean stuff close to that, i was just kind of depressed. After almost 3-4 weeks i came to realize that i loved my adopted parents more than i love my real parents whoever they might be, Because surrounded by my opinion my real parents must not have loved me ample to want me so my adopted parents must have loved me even more to adopt a child they don't even know and love me like i am in attendance own. I've never tried to find my "real parents". As far as I'm concerned they didn't want me and i don't want them. I have my real parents right here. : ) i can with the sole purpose hope you are able to give that same experience and love i felt to another child. : ) God luck.
I'm 16, and I have never met my biological mother. My she get pregnant and expected my dad, who wasn't even dating her, just screwing her, to take concern of her. When he wasn't going to do that, she put me up for adoption. After I was born, my dad said there was no opening he would ever let me go. So I ended up staying near him. they had shared custody of me for a while, but she started looking for a new man to take prudence of her. When I was just over a year old, he met the woman I give the name my mother. They got married when I was three, and she has other, and will always, be my mother. When I was younger, I would make comments in the order of my "real" mother and it hurt my mom's feelings. SHE is my real mother, and the one who gave birth be just my DNA. I found out when my older sister (technically step sister) made a comment that made me curious, and I was around 5. The only person I have ever feel ill feelings toward is my biologcal mother. She only have me so someone would pay for what she wanted and needed. I love my parents to death, although sometimes it can be really difficult to be the adopt kid. I will never leave my parents and "dump" them, but when I'm 18, I do plan on meeting my biological mother.
Hope my story helped.sorry it's a bit long. It's the with the sole purpose way to explain it. :)
Answers: Kayla,
You sound very childlike. Based on your question, I would suggest that you learn a LOT more about adoption since you really consider doing it. I'm happy to see that you are asking adoptees about our experiences because WE are the only ones who can speak about you what it feels like. Adoptive parents try, all the time, to report to people how their adopted children feel -- that drives me crazy. My a-parents don't really know how I perceive (not ALL of how I feel), they just know what I tell them. That's true of everyone -- all we really know something like how OTHER people feel is what they tell us.
For me, adoption sucks big time. My a-parents be abusive to me and to my little sister (who is also adopted). They would still be except that I moved out, moved on, and eventually got married. I have lived away from them much longer in a minute than I lived with them. What I'm saying is that they are still abusive, obnoxious people... they just don't have kids at home to steal it out on directly anymore.
So... to answer your questions: I have known as long as I can remember that I am adopt. It was always talked around in my home so I don't ever remember "being told" that I was adopt. For me, it's like knowing I'm a female... I have in recent times always known. I did, and do, hate my a-parents BUT not because they adopt me. I hate them because they adopted me WHEN they didn't really want to. They were fulfilling expectations that OTHER PEOPLE have put on them. I hate them because they abused me... and because they abused my little sister. I was mad at them for alike reasons. I an not "mad" at them now, per se. I don't think in the region of them (or my life with them) all that much -- except when I'm answering question (online or IRL).
As to whether I would want to find my "real" parents -- I wanted to for as long as I can remember. I always longed for my natural mother. I come to long for my father, too, when I was a little older (about 14). At that time, I didn't even know if he know about me... I didn't know ANYTHING about my natural parents.
But... that be a long time in the past. I HAVE found my natural parents -- both of them -- and we in a minute share great relationships. I have never lived with them because I was grown and married past I found them. I am a wife, an auntie, a college grad and a professional. I don't 'need' anyone to parent me. I wasn't looking to 'dump' my "old ones" (LOL!) by finding my natural parents -- I had already moved out and moved on. I wasn't looking for replacements. The motivation I laugh about the term "out-of-date ones" is because my a-parents are, in fact, old... exceptionally old. They are very comfortably old satisfactory to be the parents of MY parents -- plenty old enough to be my grandparents. The other funny thing is that they are not my 'old' parents -- contained by the sense that you wrote it -- THEY are the 'new' parents. My NATURAL parents were my FIRST parents... so they would be the 'old' ones (even though they are younger). :-)
Dumping my abusive parents and finding my natural parents be two separate and distinct parts of my life -- they were choices I made that had zilch to do with each other. I cut ties with my adoptive parents because they abused me, not because they adopt me.
It is possible, and it happens all the time, for an adoptee to search for their natural/first parents and KEEP honourable, close relationships with their adoptive parents. We all (all adoptees), in realness, have four parents. We can love them all (I don't, but that's beside the point). If one parent -- a mother, for example -- can love more than one child, why couldn't a child love more than one mother?
It's NOT either/or... it can be both.
Good for you that you are asking questions impulsive! Keep up the research and make the decision about how your relatives will be formed when you have a committed life-partner (boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, husband/wife) and you are making that decision TOGETHER. Until then, swot up all that you can. :-)
Take care! Source(s): Reunited adult adoptee and social worker.
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Ok so adopted kids...when were you told that you were adopt? Did you hate them? Were you mad at them? Would you want to find your real parents and purely dump your old ones?
I was adopt at 6 weeks old, and I'm now 24. The thing you own to understand about adopting is that you can't predict the outcome. Adoption is a traumatic event for the child, and respectively child deals with it differently.
Before they came to you, they lost their mother. To them it's matching as if she died. Being given up at birth is the ultimate loss/rejection. Some children respond to this by bonding more fiercely (for lack of a better word) to their adoptive parent. These are the adopt children who generally seem happier/better adjusted. Others push everyone, including you, away. Worst skin scenario, they won't accept comfort from you, they act out, they reject you. All the while, they're hoping that you don't send them away because you're adjectives they know.
This isn't to scare you or to make it seem resembling all adoptions are a bad item. It's only to educate you about what the actuality is for some people. If you can't go into this with the thought that the child might need special help, support and patience from you, you shouldn't adopt. From the nouns of your post it seems like this is something you should research further before making a commitment. Your child might detail you that they hate you or that you're not their 'real' mom. That doesn't mean they don't need you or love you. They're a short time ago damaged.
EDT: Oh, and if they want to find their biological parents it doesn't mean that you were newly a roof over their head. Wanting to understand your past isn't a form of betrayal to those who raise you. Before they were yours, they were someone else's. That's a part of their history. I found my biological mother and it help me resolve a lot of issues that I had. My adoptive mother will always be the closest entry I have to a mother, and I love her deeply. Source(s): I've had a more cynical experience with adoption than some. It's good to consider that you can't control whether your child will have problems or not. By adopt them, you've committed to loving them either way.
i be adopted but i cant answer your questions, because i guess you can say i be adopted differently.. I was adopted into relatives, because my mom died and my dad left minutes later, and my mom's brother wanted to hold on to my siblings and i together.. But i think i would of been better off near strangers.. My family is a train wreck, and just treat me weird...But anyway similar to i knew i was adopted by 3 years frail, and i didnt really know what that meant, all i really understood be that my mom was dead..
================================
My names Julian i was adopt when i was 3 months old, Ive lived with my parents(adopted parents) unsophisticatedly since i was born (im 16). They told me i was adopted when i be 13 years old. at first i was a little dismayed to find out the relatives that raised me since i was a young little one were not my blood parents. I never told them i hated them or any mean stuff close to that, i was just kind of depressed. After almost 3-4 weeks i came to realize that i loved my adopted parents more than i love my real parents whoever they might be, Because surrounded by my opinion my real parents must not have loved me ample to want me so my adopted parents must have loved me even more to adopt a child they don't even know and love me like i am in attendance own. I've never tried to find my "real parents". As far as I'm concerned they didn't want me and i don't want them. I have my real parents right here. : ) i can with the sole purpose hope you are able to give that same experience and love i felt to another child. : ) God luck.
I'm 16, and I have never met my biological mother. My she get pregnant and expected my dad, who wasn't even dating her, just screwing her, to take concern of her. When he wasn't going to do that, she put me up for adoption. After I was born, my dad said there was no opening he would ever let me go. So I ended up staying near him. they had shared custody of me for a while, but she started looking for a new man to take prudence of her. When I was just over a year old, he met the woman I give the name my mother. They got married when I was three, and she has other, and will always, be my mother. When I was younger, I would make comments in the order of my "real" mother and it hurt my mom's feelings. SHE is my real mother, and the one who gave birth be just my DNA. I found out when my older sister (technically step sister) made a comment that made me curious, and I was around 5. The only person I have ever feel ill feelings toward is my biologcal mother. She only have me so someone would pay for what she wanted and needed. I love my parents to death, although sometimes it can be really difficult to be the adopt kid. I will never leave my parents and "dump" them, but when I'm 18, I do plan on meeting my biological mother.
Hope my story helped.sorry it's a bit long. It's the with the sole purpose way to explain it. :)
Answers: Kayla,
You sound very childlike. Based on your question, I would suggest that you learn a LOT more about adoption since you really consider doing it. I'm happy to see that you are asking adoptees about our experiences because WE are the only ones who can speak about you what it feels like. Adoptive parents try, all the time, to report to people how their adopted children feel -- that drives me crazy. My a-parents don't really know how I perceive (not ALL of how I feel), they just know what I tell them. That's true of everyone -- all we really know something like how OTHER people feel is what they tell us.
For me, adoption sucks big time. My a-parents be abusive to me and to my little sister (who is also adopted). They would still be except that I moved out, moved on, and eventually got married. I have lived away from them much longer in a minute than I lived with them. What I'm saying is that they are still abusive, obnoxious people... they just don't have kids at home to steal it out on directly anymore.
So... to answer your questions: I have known as long as I can remember that I am adopt. It was always talked around in my home so I don't ever remember "being told" that I was adopt. For me, it's like knowing I'm a female... I have in recent times always known. I did, and do, hate my a-parents BUT not because they adopt me. I hate them because they adopted me WHEN they didn't really want to. They were fulfilling expectations that OTHER PEOPLE have put on them. I hate them because they abused me... and because they abused my little sister. I was mad at them for alike reasons. I an not "mad" at them now, per se. I don't think in the region of them (or my life with them) all that much -- except when I'm answering question (online or IRL).
As to whether I would want to find my "real" parents -- I wanted to for as long as I can remember. I always longed for my natural mother. I come to long for my father, too, when I was a little older (about 14). At that time, I didn't even know if he know about me... I didn't know ANYTHING about my natural parents.
But... that be a long time in the past. I HAVE found my natural parents -- both of them -- and we in a minute share great relationships. I have never lived with them because I was grown and married past I found them. I am a wife, an auntie, a college grad and a professional. I don't 'need' anyone to parent me. I wasn't looking to 'dump' my "old ones" (LOL!) by finding my natural parents -- I had already moved out and moved on. I wasn't looking for replacements. The motivation I laugh about the term "out-of-date ones" is because my a-parents are, in fact, old... exceptionally old. They are very comfortably old satisfactory to be the parents of MY parents -- plenty old enough to be my grandparents. The other funny thing is that they are not my 'old' parents -- contained by the sense that you wrote it -- THEY are the 'new' parents. My NATURAL parents were my FIRST parents... so they would be the 'old' ones (even though they are younger). :-)
Dumping my abusive parents and finding my natural parents be two separate and distinct parts of my life -- they were choices I made that had zilch to do with each other. I cut ties with my adoptive parents because they abused me, not because they adopt me.
It is possible, and it happens all the time, for an adoptee to search for their natural/first parents and KEEP honourable, close relationships with their adoptive parents. We all (all adoptees), in realness, have four parents. We can love them all (I don't, but that's beside the point). If one parent -- a mother, for example -- can love more than one child, why couldn't a child love more than one mother?
It's NOT either/or... it can be both.
Good for you that you are asking questions impulsive! Keep up the research and make the decision about how your relatives will be formed when you have a committed life-partner (boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, husband/wife) and you are making that decision TOGETHER. Until then, swot up all that you can. :-)
Take care! Source(s): Reunited adult adoptee and social worker.
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