Seeking guidance from those who own put near child up for Adoption.?
I was wondering if anyone has ever put there child up for adoption. I stipulation to hear stories and how you felt. It's VERY easy for someone to say, "Just put your child up for adoption" when they own never been in that postion before. I obligation know how it feels, how you got through it, etc. I am 1 month pregnant. Thxx
No, I've never put a child up for adoption, but I did lose a child when she was 18 months older (my neighbor was babysitting my daughter and her husband backed over her on his way to the bar--long story). One of the toughest chapter of my life, it almost killed me. But I lived through it. I had to. You'll hear relatives tell you -- get an abortion --because it isn't a baby, yes it is. Abortion doesn't hurt resembling adoption does. Yes it does. Because you will still wonder, what would my baby have been resembling. You will always catch yourself looking at other children around the age your child should be and wondering, would my child be like that? (if you aborted). If you convey the baby to term and decide to place him/her for adoption, you could jump with an open adoption.
Open adoption is where you dance through an agency and you get to read through files of couples that can't have children on their own and who really want a child in their lives. Then you, not the state make the decision who your child will live with. Then you decide how much contact you the birth mother wishes (if any). There are so many ways to work an open adoption.
Call your local Children and Family Services and ask them any and all question you might have. Look in the yellow page under adoption and call and ask questions. Be sure to see your doctor and follow his proposal. Take care of yourself and the baby. May God watch over both of you and I option you a safe pregnancy.
Here are some links that have information about what losing a child have felt like to some women:
http://www.birthmothers.info/kelly/index…
(Psychological Disability in Women Who Relinquish a Baby to Adoption)
(The Trauma of Relinquishment: The Long-term Impact of Relinquishment on Birthmothers Who Lost Their Infants to Adoption)
(Psychiatrist's Evaluation of Effects on 'Birthmothers')
http://www.originsnsw.com/mentalhealth/i…
(Dissociation and a Psychiatric Diagnosis – Separation A Half Life: More Than Grief – Not Quite Death)
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_se…
(Scarred By Adoption - Jennifer Doane)
(Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief - Evelyn Robinson)
http://lifemothers.com/thewall.html
(The Wall: Open Adoption - Author: Terri Enbourge)
There are several more stories like these written by women who have lost a child through adoption. Email me if you want more links. Source(s): Lost my son to adoption 25 years ago. I don't recommend adoption.
Do you know what self medicating means? That's how i get through it. I wouldn't exactly call it living, more like going through the motions of life for 30 years. If I have to choose one word to describe it that word would be empty. It's a long hard road. Birthdays are a killer.
Opened adoption were not available at that time, and I don't believe in MOST of them now, because their not enforceable.
You don't owe anyone your babe, and abortions are a lot less pain-full.
I haven't, nor would I, but if you're considering it, please read the following post by a woman who did. It's very informative.
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2…
<quote>
I have given a tot up for adoption, and I have had an abortion, and while anecdotes are not evidence, I can assert that abortions may or may not cause depression - it unquestionably did not in me, apart from briefly mourning the path not taken - but adoption? That is an entirely different matter. I don't doubt that in attendance are women who were fine after adoption, and there is emphatically nothing wrong next to that or with them; but I want to point out that if we're going to have a seemingly neverending discussion about the sorrow and remorse cause by abortion, then it is about goddamn time that we hear from birth mothers too.
Believe me when I say that of the two choices, it be adoption that nearly destroyed me - and it never ends. The only comparison I have is the death of a loved one. The backache retreats, maybe fades, but it comes right back if I poke at it. Writing this have taken me nearly two weeks. Normally, I can write this amount in about thirty minutes, with bathroom breaks. I started to type, and stopped simply to reread, then go wail into my pillow. There is no such thing as "over" next to this.
Well here's my story. From how my experience has gone people may feel that I don't love my child but I love my son amazingly much. Everytime I see his picture it brightens up my day. 14 months ago I found out I was pregnant. Oh it was so exciting! All I could chew over about were tiny toes and tiny fingers, giving every bit of love I could to someone, holding a precious baby that caame from my womb. A few months down the road my excitement evaporated into terror. Fear for the safety and well-being of my child. I had no home, I wasn't married, no education, the guy I be with and my son's father was abusive(and this is my first time admitting this to the ethnic group in YA!) I went through all that as a child. For the first answer you received, yeah you can put adjectives that on hold but is that really best for your child? I'm not sure but it wasn"t when I was a child. I bounced from home to home and now as a result I have no long time friends. I don't enjoy a good relationship with my father because he abused my mother. My parents were married for ten years but than split which wasn't devout for me either. So needless to say I didn't want to put my child through that. At 6 months pregnant I begin my search for adoptive parents. In my first look I found the greatest ones I could have ever asked for. I went through a vastly strict agency. So I knew that there was no possibility of divorce, or maltreat, just lots and lots of love. I than met with them and we became great friends. Well as best as 18 yr olds and 30 yr olds can be friends. I did an instigate adoption and my son is now 5 months old. I saw him last month and he is so elegant. I'm not gonna say that it's easy because it is definitely a struggle to win over not seeing your child every morning, but if you don't sit and depress yourself about it than you should be fine. I go to work and go to university. I gave myself some kind of a purpose so that someday when John Austin (my son, which I got to baptize his middle name) comes to see me I won't be worthless. He will see that everything happened for a good reason. If you agree on to do adoption and you need someone to talk to more about it or ask question feel free to e-mail me at lightningstrikes2004@yahoo.com
I certainly cannot relate to having to make a result like that but as adoptive parents...we have had to try and revise what this must be like. So...I found that the Discussion Boards at CanadaAdopts.com are very good for nouns, honest advice from all sides of the issue.
The categories are exceptionally clear and there are other birth mothers who have spoken up in forums in attendance about their experience. I encourage you to read what they said. Like you have read here...it vary from person to person.
http://www.canadaadopts.com/cgi-bin/ulti…
I know that in our skin...we have met with our son's birth mom a few times (she lives overseas now so it's when she can travel posterior to Canada) and he has even met his younger sister (she has another child now near the same birth dad). That went really well.
It CANNOT be confident for her and even though she keeps in contact with us rather less than we expected...we still send updates because I am sure she thinks of him recurrently. We have a very comfortable relationship where she is tremendously trusting of us re: her daughter so we hope it means she is at least pleased with how our son is doing.
Anyone who purely shoots out: "JUST put your child up for adoption" is either ignorant or cruel. It's good to find out what that might be similar to if you go for it.
Stay strong and do what is best for you and your baby.
If you don't want to be pregnant nor raise your own child..and being only 1 mo. pg, do yourself a favor..catch an abortion.
I know this is what I would do today (get an abortion), rather than the only option of adoption over 4 decades ago, when abortion be illegal in my state. I would have an abortion some years after that..and have never had one regret about that edict. But my life was forever negatively impacted by the surrender of my newborn for adoption. Source(s): My own experience and now reunited for 10 years. Reunion does not reunite a mother near her *baby*.
hey i was adopt when i was 3 day old and i simply found my birth mum she sed it was so hard givig me up for adoption but so rewarding as she new i would enjoy a better life and futcher witch i did , me and my hubby arre looking to adopt and no how much pressure is on the birth mouther if u want to chat plz e mail me good luck
Answers: People encourage young-looking girls to place their babies for adoption, saying it is the "right" thing. You will give your child a better existence. You will "get over" it. These people have never lived the horror.
I be told the same thing after a rape conception. I fell for it. I live to tell, adoption is a living nightmare for unprocessed mothers. Rape is nothing in comparison.
When a young mother relinquishes her newborn, she can't even set off to imagine the pain and grief that will strike and debilitate her down the road. The loss she suffers increases beside time. As this mom ages, the ramifications of what she has lost will bring her to her knees.
Losing a newborn child to adoption..is a lifetime of a slow torturous grief. You never ever recover.
The poster above that just this minute relinquished, I am very sorry to say, doesn't have the time lower than her belt to accurately advise you. She is still under the influence of the agency brainwashing. She will wake up from it sooner or later and wonder how on earth she gave away her child. Yes, she made a choice, but that choice was more than possible orchestrated by people that profitted directly from her baby. That choice is not an informed choice. No one tell a young mother that their life will be hellish. It will intensify with age. That when your heart, your child walk the earth without you...it is a suffering inside that nothing can extinguish.
So...please keep hold of your baby.
I'm sorry if my answer isn't exactly what you're looking for, but I in recent times thought I'd drop off my two cents in case it help.
My boyfriend was adopted. This year, actually it's be two months now, he found and made contact with his birth mom. She was a teen mother who be out of a job and a home, and felt that giving him up for adoption was the best alternative. My boyfriend fixed that it was okay for me to talk to her too, and I think we're forming a biddable relationship.
She says she thinks about him every morning. She often cries when we talk about him. I found out from her husband that every year during my boyfriend's birth month, she would merely cry and cry. Every year. That included this year (and he's 20 now). She even had more children later, but I think she still mourns his loss as her child.
I've hear the pain of losing a child to adoption is similar to the pain of abortion, if not slightly more raw because you know that your child is out there somewhere, but you just can't be with them.
If I be in the situation of an unplanned pregnancy, I think I would have to try every possible ability of keeping my baby before I considered adoption, whether that meant putting my childhood on hold and getting a job, being on welfare, whatever. I would want to know adjectives my options and try my hardest to keep it. Unfortunately my boyfriend did not have the best natural life growing up with his adoptive parents, and with that knowledge bringing up the rear me I don't think I could ever surrender a child for fear that they would have a horrible enthusiasm, and I would have no way of knowing but I would be responsible for it.
On a better note, at hand was a girl in my class that I went to high-ranking school with who had a tot our senior year. She decided to keep it, and now she's married, working, taking classes, and have a beautiful little boy, and she's expecting her second child soon! She had to put a lot of things on hold for him, but presently she's older (you're only young for rather while) and has worked hard, and it's payed off. Maybe adoption will be the best selection for you, and then again maybe things will come together and you can keep your toddler. Just make sure you have all the option in front of you clearly so that you can make the best educated edict possible. Good luck!
I own never put a baby up for adoption and I do not know how it will feel afterwards but I would appreciate it if you could email me so that we can talk.
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No, I've never put a child up for adoption, but I did lose a child when she was 18 months older (my neighbor was babysitting my daughter and her husband backed over her on his way to the bar--long story). One of the toughest chapter of my life, it almost killed me. But I lived through it. I had to. You'll hear relatives tell you -- get an abortion --because it isn't a baby, yes it is. Abortion doesn't hurt resembling adoption does. Yes it does. Because you will still wonder, what would my baby have been resembling. You will always catch yourself looking at other children around the age your child should be and wondering, would my child be like that? (if you aborted). If you convey the baby to term and decide to place him/her for adoption, you could jump with an open adoption.
Open adoption is where you dance through an agency and you get to read through files of couples that can't have children on their own and who really want a child in their lives. Then you, not the state make the decision who your child will live with. Then you decide how much contact you the birth mother wishes (if any). There are so many ways to work an open adoption.
Call your local Children and Family Services and ask them any and all question you might have. Look in the yellow page under adoption and call and ask questions. Be sure to see your doctor and follow his proposal. Take care of yourself and the baby. May God watch over both of you and I option you a safe pregnancy.
Here are some links that have information about what losing a child have felt like to some women:
http://www.birthmothers.info/kelly/index…
(Psychological Disability in Women Who Relinquish a Baby to Adoption)
(The Trauma of Relinquishment: The Long-term Impact of Relinquishment on Birthmothers Who Lost Their Infants to Adoption)
(Psychiatrist's Evaluation of Effects on 'Birthmothers')
http://www.originsnsw.com/mentalhealth/i…
(Dissociation and a Psychiatric Diagnosis – Separation A Half Life: More Than Grief – Not Quite Death)
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_se…
(Scarred By Adoption - Jennifer Doane)
(Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief - Evelyn Robinson)
http://lifemothers.com/thewall.html
(The Wall: Open Adoption - Author: Terri Enbourge)
There are several more stories like these written by women who have lost a child through adoption. Email me if you want more links. Source(s): Lost my son to adoption 25 years ago. I don't recommend adoption.
Do you know what self medicating means? That's how i get through it. I wouldn't exactly call it living, more like going through the motions of life for 30 years. If I have to choose one word to describe it that word would be empty. It's a long hard road. Birthdays are a killer.
Opened adoption were not available at that time, and I don't believe in MOST of them now, because their not enforceable.
You don't owe anyone your babe, and abortions are a lot less pain-full.
I haven't, nor would I, but if you're considering it, please read the following post by a woman who did. It's very informative.
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2…
<quote>
I have given a tot up for adoption, and I have had an abortion, and while anecdotes are not evidence, I can assert that abortions may or may not cause depression - it unquestionably did not in me, apart from briefly mourning the path not taken - but adoption? That is an entirely different matter. I don't doubt that in attendance are women who were fine after adoption, and there is emphatically nothing wrong next to that or with them; but I want to point out that if we're going to have a seemingly neverending discussion about the sorrow and remorse cause by abortion, then it is about goddamn time that we hear from birth mothers too.
Believe me when I say that of the two choices, it be adoption that nearly destroyed me - and it never ends. The only comparison I have is the death of a loved one. The backache retreats, maybe fades, but it comes right back if I poke at it. Writing this have taken me nearly two weeks. Normally, I can write this amount in about thirty minutes, with bathroom breaks. I started to type, and stopped simply to reread, then go wail into my pillow. There is no such thing as "over" next to this.
Well here's my story. From how my experience has gone people may feel that I don't love my child but I love my son amazingly much. Everytime I see his picture it brightens up my day. 14 months ago I found out I was pregnant. Oh it was so exciting! All I could chew over about were tiny toes and tiny fingers, giving every bit of love I could to someone, holding a precious baby that caame from my womb. A few months down the road my excitement evaporated into terror. Fear for the safety and well-being of my child. I had no home, I wasn't married, no education, the guy I be with and my son's father was abusive(and this is my first time admitting this to the ethnic group in YA!) I went through all that as a child. For the first answer you received, yeah you can put adjectives that on hold but is that really best for your child? I'm not sure but it wasn"t when I was a child. I bounced from home to home and now as a result I have no long time friends. I don't enjoy a good relationship with my father because he abused my mother. My parents were married for ten years but than split which wasn't devout for me either. So needless to say I didn't want to put my child through that. At 6 months pregnant I begin my search for adoptive parents. In my first look I found the greatest ones I could have ever asked for. I went through a vastly strict agency. So I knew that there was no possibility of divorce, or maltreat, just lots and lots of love. I than met with them and we became great friends. Well as best as 18 yr olds and 30 yr olds can be friends. I did an instigate adoption and my son is now 5 months old. I saw him last month and he is so elegant. I'm not gonna say that it's easy because it is definitely a struggle to win over not seeing your child every morning, but if you don't sit and depress yourself about it than you should be fine. I go to work and go to university. I gave myself some kind of a purpose so that someday when John Austin (my son, which I got to baptize his middle name) comes to see me I won't be worthless. He will see that everything happened for a good reason. If you agree on to do adoption and you need someone to talk to more about it or ask question feel free to e-mail me at lightningstrikes2004@yahoo.com
I certainly cannot relate to having to make a result like that but as adoptive parents...we have had to try and revise what this must be like. So...I found that the Discussion Boards at CanadaAdopts.com are very good for nouns, honest advice from all sides of the issue.
The categories are exceptionally clear and there are other birth mothers who have spoken up in forums in attendance about their experience. I encourage you to read what they said. Like you have read here...it vary from person to person.
http://www.canadaadopts.com/cgi-bin/ulti…
I know that in our skin...we have met with our son's birth mom a few times (she lives overseas now so it's when she can travel posterior to Canada) and he has even met his younger sister (she has another child now near the same birth dad). That went really well.
It CANNOT be confident for her and even though she keeps in contact with us rather less than we expected...we still send updates because I am sure she thinks of him recurrently. We have a very comfortable relationship where she is tremendously trusting of us re: her daughter so we hope it means she is at least pleased with how our son is doing.
Anyone who purely shoots out: "JUST put your child up for adoption" is either ignorant or cruel. It's good to find out what that might be similar to if you go for it.
Stay strong and do what is best for you and your baby.
If you don't want to be pregnant nor raise your own child..and being only 1 mo. pg, do yourself a favor..catch an abortion.
I know this is what I would do today (get an abortion), rather than the only option of adoption over 4 decades ago, when abortion be illegal in my state. I would have an abortion some years after that..and have never had one regret about that edict. But my life was forever negatively impacted by the surrender of my newborn for adoption. Source(s): My own experience and now reunited for 10 years. Reunion does not reunite a mother near her *baby*.
hey i was adopt when i was 3 day old and i simply found my birth mum she sed it was so hard givig me up for adoption but so rewarding as she new i would enjoy a better life and futcher witch i did , me and my hubby arre looking to adopt and no how much pressure is on the birth mouther if u want to chat plz e mail me good luck
Answers: People encourage young-looking girls to place their babies for adoption, saying it is the "right" thing. You will give your child a better existence. You will "get over" it. These people have never lived the horror.
I be told the same thing after a rape conception. I fell for it. I live to tell, adoption is a living nightmare for unprocessed mothers. Rape is nothing in comparison.
When a young mother relinquishes her newborn, she can't even set off to imagine the pain and grief that will strike and debilitate her down the road. The loss she suffers increases beside time. As this mom ages, the ramifications of what she has lost will bring her to her knees.
Losing a newborn child to adoption..is a lifetime of a slow torturous grief. You never ever recover.
The poster above that just this minute relinquished, I am very sorry to say, doesn't have the time lower than her belt to accurately advise you. She is still under the influence of the agency brainwashing. She will wake up from it sooner or later and wonder how on earth she gave away her child. Yes, she made a choice, but that choice was more than possible orchestrated by people that profitted directly from her baby. That choice is not an informed choice. No one tell a young mother that their life will be hellish. It will intensify with age. That when your heart, your child walk the earth without you...it is a suffering inside that nothing can extinguish.
So...please keep hold of your baby.
I'm sorry if my answer isn't exactly what you're looking for, but I in recent times thought I'd drop off my two cents in case it help.
My boyfriend was adopted. This year, actually it's be two months now, he found and made contact with his birth mom. She was a teen mother who be out of a job and a home, and felt that giving him up for adoption was the best alternative. My boyfriend fixed that it was okay for me to talk to her too, and I think we're forming a biddable relationship.
She says she thinks about him every morning. She often cries when we talk about him. I found out from her husband that every year during my boyfriend's birth month, she would merely cry and cry. Every year. That included this year (and he's 20 now). She even had more children later, but I think she still mourns his loss as her child.
I've hear the pain of losing a child to adoption is similar to the pain of abortion, if not slightly more raw because you know that your child is out there somewhere, but you just can't be with them.
If I be in the situation of an unplanned pregnancy, I think I would have to try every possible ability of keeping my baby before I considered adoption, whether that meant putting my childhood on hold and getting a job, being on welfare, whatever. I would want to know adjectives my options and try my hardest to keep it. Unfortunately my boyfriend did not have the best natural life growing up with his adoptive parents, and with that knowledge bringing up the rear me I don't think I could ever surrender a child for fear that they would have a horrible enthusiasm, and I would have no way of knowing but I would be responsible for it.
On a better note, at hand was a girl in my class that I went to high-ranking school with who had a tot our senior year. She decided to keep it, and now she's married, working, taking classes, and have a beautiful little boy, and she's expecting her second child soon! She had to put a lot of things on hold for him, but presently she's older (you're only young for rather while) and has worked hard, and it's payed off. Maybe adoption will be the best selection for you, and then again maybe things will come together and you can keep your toddler. Just make sure you have all the option in front of you clearly so that you can make the best educated edict possible. Good luck!
I own never put a baby up for adoption and I do not know how it will feel afterwards but I would appreciate it if you could email me so that we can talk.
Related Questions: