What is the difference between coercion and making a fruitless informed edict?
While some women MAY regret their choice is this not hindsight at work? Do they not just SAY they were coerced as a approach to sooth their saddness that perhaps they made the wrong decision? I do not believe in coersion but I do say aloud that perhaps upon reflection there may be some who consistency they made the entirely wrong choice. Don't you think this could be true?
I'm sorry, but in attendance is no informed decision to be had, not then not in a minute.
No one informed me that a truly uncoerced decision would come after the birth of my child without being matched to any adoptive parent. No one informed me that I should come up next to a parenting plan to address the reasons why I felt unfit to parent, and with both option available then make my decision. No one feel fit to tell me that I should really explore my reasons for wanting to relinquish before one approached by potential adoptive parents. No one felt fit to tell me how inappropriate and hurtful to my child it be to feel like I was an incubator to someone else's tot. No one told me how adopted people truly tend to feel in the region of their parents of origin... nor how relinquishment isn't an ultimate act of love.
I did not own my own legal counsel. I did not have any real counseling. I be not told of the emotional and physical consequences of relinquishment to me or my child. I wasn't informed about how relinquishment isn't a free pass to existence redemption. I wasn't told at all about how the world feels nearly women like me.
Bad decision yes; bad *informed* ruling? Not by a mile. Not then, not now for women going through the same hoops.
For me personally, I say it becomes coercion when the other jamboree is purposefully withholding certain information in order to achieve you to make an ill-informed choice.
Also, I think there are various other ways coercion can happen, but as far as coercion vs ill-informed, that is where I see the string being.
And saying "I do not believe in coercion"? Are you serious? That is one of the most ridiculous statements I enjoy ever heard. I'll give you that there is a possibility that not every single creature who claims coercion actually experienced it, but I will say the vast majority did. I will also say aloud there is a good possibility that some people who articulate they weren't coerced actually were and that their way of dealing near that is denial. Why must you always be so black and white about everything? I aspiration I lived in your world where apparently there is merely one answer for every problem and everyone is either 100% wrong or 100% right.
Just because you don't believe in coercion doesn't mean it never happen.
I constantly said I wanted to raise my son yet I be bullied, emotionally blackmailed and blatently lied to. Not once was I shown any paperwork, I wasn't told my rights, it is questionable that I signed anything nor did I have any support. Despite never agreeing to the adoption it still went ahead because I be told it was too late to put a stop to the adoption when he was 6 weeks. This be a blatent lie and the real truth was I have 6 months to stop the adoption but I didn't find out till 23 years too late.
Please could you explain how this translates to me choosing adoption then regretted my decision subsequent?
I never wanted my son adoption so that means I was coerced.
Coercion is and other has been alive and rampant when it comes to pregnant teens.
I hate the ruling I made, but stand by it. I was not openly coerced. It was my choice and I enjoy never stated other wise. I have regretted it every day since I did it, even after years surrounded by reunion. But I wouldn't accuse another woman of making a bad choice when in certainty she had so few choices to make, when it was going to alienate her from the rest of her inherited. The bottom line is there should be more support and acceptance for those who know it's going to be frozen, but want to do it anyway.
Just like abortion should not be grouped with adoption, a loving family that awaits should not be fragment of the equation when determining what is best for a child. The decision that needs to be made is whether the child is better off next to the mother and extended family or not.
Answers: Yes. I agree with you and feel i.e. it true.
FYI people: Coercion is different than kidnapping. If you were coerced as an grown, it's your own fault... as a child it's a different story. If your child was taken without your consent, it is kidnap! Go to the police.
a moment ago because you dont believe in something does not mean it isnt true. maybe you are the type of human being who has to see or experiance 1st hand in directive to believe sumthing is real. If you are that type of person i respect that but I dont think it is carnival to put down others for not feeling the same as you. Coercion happens its unfourtnante and you are lucky you hold not experianced it. I would not wish that upon anyone. It would be so hard to be in a spot be sum one is pushing you to do sumthing and you feel so stuck and fearful you dont know what to do. Even tho you probley are the type of person who has to see to believe I dont preference coercion on you. I guess you are better off in your own fantasy world. Good luck to you.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
You should ask the people that are prosecuted for statutory raped this question. I think you would agree next to them since you think just like they do.
What the difference between a stranger coercing a minor within to having sex vs the minors making a bad informed decision. Are the minors to blame?.
Are the minors of late blaming the adults because they feel violated and are trying to smooth their sadness. Source(s): Ollie is Krusty/Sera-ahn now.
So...you don't believe that a woman could be coerced into doing something? That thought is insane.
Use abortion as an example. I can only deduce this is why you posted in this section. Say a woman is pregnant. She tells her boyfriend/husband. He threatens to check out of her if she doesn't abort the fetus. She feels compelled to abort because she doesn't want to lose her boyfriend/husband. THAT is coercion, my friend.
Ollie, try mortal abducted and raped as a young girl. Then have an unplanned pregnancy as a result. Then hold all the anti-abortionists from your church tell you that you will be committing murder, including your own family.
Then try self shipped away to another city, living with complete strangers who are infertile and on a waiting list to adopt. You learn much more roughly speaking infertlity then you do about adoption and what long lasting effects it will hold on you and your baby. Try being isolated from everything, everyone you know.
Try giving birth, and having an attorney at your bedside while you are pumped up beside so many drugs you think insects are crawling all over you.not even 24 hours after you give birth. Try saying no to the adoption faciliators attorney, and he will just tell you that by uprightness of thinking about adoption your are deemed unfit in the court of imperative. I was told even if I would not sign the papers, the baby would go to foster effort because I was in an "adoption program". I would have to prove I could support the child, and I would have to repay housing, medical and all sorts of things. The attorney told me that he would make my existence a living hell.
How about being called a "birth" item months before birthing. How about hearing constantly how the adoptive house is better until your ears bleed.
Even worse.try living with yourself afterwards only to have viscious ancestors like you tear you down even further.
NO.
Your time will come.
Since you say you do not believe in coercion, you will, no doubt experience it someday..when you lowest possible expect it.
Coercion:
is the practice of compelling a person or manipulating them to behave surrounded by an involuntary way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation, trickery, or some other form of pressure or force
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coercion
You need to lecture yourself.
havent YOU asked this grill before?
Just because you don't believe in coersion doesn't mean it didn't take place. I was in your frame of mind once and believe me, it happens.
How dare you trivilalize what some mothers go through?
Coercion usually involves force and threats if the said person doesn't manufacture the desired decision. A bad informed decision is when you enjoy all the information, make a choice and regret it later.
Well, a finding is something you make for yourself. Coercion is where someone else is trying to make the declaration for you and manipulating your situation to get the result they want.
I'm sure some people do "dream up" that they be coerced after the fact in many situations. I also know that coercion DOES take place in adoption, and that is a terrible article. It just shouldn't happen. I can't imagine anyone denying that it ever happen. Source(s): Adoptee, mother of 5
There is no difference. Both situations result in loss for the parents (there are also fathers in the equation) and the child.
Ollie, my mother didn't even know my name could be changed. Well, she knew my surname would change, but she thought I would grow up beside the given name she chose. She thought I had access to the records. She thought someone would nickname her if I had any problems. I met her when I was 21, and I had to explain the adoption process to her. She be simply never told what was happening.
I know for sure was coerced.
Ollie.I think by now you must know something something like the Baby Scoop Era in America. And that is what I most directly can talk just about, as I was there and a part of that colleagues of young unmarried, mostly white, middle-class women who lost my firstborn to adoption. Knowing what you certainly must know by now more or less this particular subject on the BSE, would you say that we as a class of unmarried young pregnant women be fully 'informed'? Would you say that no coercion or pressure to surrender did not exist during the BSE...when abortion was illegal, and no birth control pills be prescribed to unmarried women and also not to quite a few married women as well, depending on the state the married woman lived in? Would you not concur that while a childish unmarried woman was delivering that the use of blindfolds, sheets and/or pillows over her face, so that she would not be capable of see her newborn..would put her under duress? Would you not concur that the medical staff's denial to let you know the sex of your own child, let alone see and hold your own newborn...would be coercive and put a strange mother under duress? Would you not consider the prescribed narcotics that were injected into newly deliver (post-partum) young unmarried mothers, as coersive? Would you not concede that the denial of any legal representation, let alone be present contained by a courtroom, would be a denial of a woman's/mother's civil rights? Would you not consider coersion, fraud, duress and/or pressure present to surrender your child to adoption, for the only crime of not being married?
Come on Ollie...surely you know better by now, than to ask a dumb-*** give somebody the third degree like this... Source(s): A BSE Mother! and have my medical records immediately to prove it!
You're incredibly lucky. If you've lead such a sheltered life that you "don't believe contained by coercion", that must be a very cush position to be in.
You're not alone on top of that hummock. There are plenty of others who have never experienced powerlessness, too, and who have no ability to understand. There's nothing anyone can ever say to someone with such a sheltered vivacity to be able to convince them that not all of life is that gorgeous. Those of us who live in the real world must just adopt that there are people like you who will never, ever believe that anything desperate can happen without your consent. Me? I'd rather live here, and enjoy the ability to have compassion for those who suffer. But that's just me. Source(s): Most of us don't live surrounded by "perfect". For the real world, there's walgreens.
Coercion is pressure from a position of authority, manipulation, bribes, threats or other means to force a decision. A pregnant young person who is told by her parents that she will be kicked out of the house if she does not place the child for adoption constitutes coercion, for example.
A bad informed decision is when someone has adjectives of the information, is aware of all the options and choices available to her, chooses to place for adoption, then next regrets it.
In the first part, there is wrongdoing on the part of someone contained by an authority position, be it the mother's family, the adoption agency, the adoption attorney, etc.
In the second part, there is no such wrongdoing.
Who's to say the decision was necessarily a unpromising one...informed or otherwise?
I just love the way some people bash on birth mothers. Some of their attitudes appear to presume that all birth mothers were co-erced, and that they have this overwhelming regret almost making the conscious choice to place for adoption, or that somehow they are supposed to carry this guilt all their lives...or that people if truth be told think it's OK to tell them they're not being "in charge." WTF? Adoption is one of the most accountable things you can do. You're not killing a child, you're not leaving them at a dumpster to die from infanticide, and you're not hold on to a child that you may resent and possibly abuse due to anger and resentment. You don't become the next Susan Smith, Andrea Yates or Diane Downs...maybe if those women have placed, they wouldn't be in jail now!
It may not be PC to read aloud this, but some birth mother did NOT want to parent for whatever reason and that is why they placed the child for adoption. So why are they human being villified for this? They were being honest, not evil.
Some people may enjoy been coerced but certainly not all. Some of us made the choice beside a clear conscience, and the bottom line is some people can't handle it and they don't approve and in a minute want to condemn us for it!
I just wish people who stop judge others and let them live their lives in the way they see fit!!
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I'm sorry, but in attendance is no informed decision to be had, not then not in a minute.
No one informed me that a truly uncoerced decision would come after the birth of my child without being matched to any adoptive parent. No one informed me that I should come up next to a parenting plan to address the reasons why I felt unfit to parent, and with both option available then make my decision. No one feel fit to tell me that I should really explore my reasons for wanting to relinquish before one approached by potential adoptive parents. No one felt fit to tell me how inappropriate and hurtful to my child it be to feel like I was an incubator to someone else's tot. No one told me how adopted people truly tend to feel in the region of their parents of origin... nor how relinquishment isn't an ultimate act of love.
I did not own my own legal counsel. I did not have any real counseling. I be not told of the emotional and physical consequences of relinquishment to me or my child. I wasn't informed about how relinquishment isn't a free pass to existence redemption. I wasn't told at all about how the world feels nearly women like me.
Bad decision yes; bad *informed* ruling? Not by a mile. Not then, not now for women going through the same hoops.
For me personally, I say it becomes coercion when the other jamboree is purposefully withholding certain information in order to achieve you to make an ill-informed choice.
Also, I think there are various other ways coercion can happen, but as far as coercion vs ill-informed, that is where I see the string being.
And saying "I do not believe in coercion"? Are you serious? That is one of the most ridiculous statements I enjoy ever heard. I'll give you that there is a possibility that not every single creature who claims coercion actually experienced it, but I will say the vast majority did. I will also say aloud there is a good possibility that some people who articulate they weren't coerced actually were and that their way of dealing near that is denial. Why must you always be so black and white about everything? I aspiration I lived in your world where apparently there is merely one answer for every problem and everyone is either 100% wrong or 100% right.
Just because you don't believe in coercion doesn't mean it never happen.
I constantly said I wanted to raise my son yet I be bullied, emotionally blackmailed and blatently lied to. Not once was I shown any paperwork, I wasn't told my rights, it is questionable that I signed anything nor did I have any support. Despite never agreeing to the adoption it still went ahead because I be told it was too late to put a stop to the adoption when he was 6 weeks. This be a blatent lie and the real truth was I have 6 months to stop the adoption but I didn't find out till 23 years too late.
Please could you explain how this translates to me choosing adoption then regretted my decision subsequent?
I never wanted my son adoption so that means I was coerced.
Coercion is and other has been alive and rampant when it comes to pregnant teens.
I hate the ruling I made, but stand by it. I was not openly coerced. It was my choice and I enjoy never stated other wise. I have regretted it every day since I did it, even after years surrounded by reunion. But I wouldn't accuse another woman of making a bad choice when in certainty she had so few choices to make, when it was going to alienate her from the rest of her inherited. The bottom line is there should be more support and acceptance for those who know it's going to be frozen, but want to do it anyway.
Just like abortion should not be grouped with adoption, a loving family that awaits should not be fragment of the equation when determining what is best for a child. The decision that needs to be made is whether the child is better off next to the mother and extended family or not.
Answers: Yes. I agree with you and feel i.e. it true.
FYI people: Coercion is different than kidnapping. If you were coerced as an grown, it's your own fault... as a child it's a different story. If your child was taken without your consent, it is kidnap! Go to the police.
a moment ago because you dont believe in something does not mean it isnt true. maybe you are the type of human being who has to see or experiance 1st hand in directive to believe sumthing is real. If you are that type of person i respect that but I dont think it is carnival to put down others for not feeling the same as you. Coercion happens its unfourtnante and you are lucky you hold not experianced it. I would not wish that upon anyone. It would be so hard to be in a spot be sum one is pushing you to do sumthing and you feel so stuck and fearful you dont know what to do. Even tho you probley are the type of person who has to see to believe I dont preference coercion on you. I guess you are better off in your own fantasy world. Good luck to you.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
You should ask the people that are prosecuted for statutory raped this question. I think you would agree next to them since you think just like they do.
What the difference between a stranger coercing a minor within to having sex vs the minors making a bad informed decision. Are the minors to blame?.
Are the minors of late blaming the adults because they feel violated and are trying to smooth their sadness. Source(s): Ollie is Krusty/Sera-ahn now.
So...you don't believe that a woman could be coerced into doing something? That thought is insane.
Use abortion as an example. I can only deduce this is why you posted in this section. Say a woman is pregnant. She tells her boyfriend/husband. He threatens to check out of her if she doesn't abort the fetus. She feels compelled to abort because she doesn't want to lose her boyfriend/husband. THAT is coercion, my friend.
Ollie, try mortal abducted and raped as a young girl. Then have an unplanned pregnancy as a result. Then hold all the anti-abortionists from your church tell you that you will be committing murder, including your own family.
Then try self shipped away to another city, living with complete strangers who are infertile and on a waiting list to adopt. You learn much more roughly speaking infertlity then you do about adoption and what long lasting effects it will hold on you and your baby. Try being isolated from everything, everyone you know.
Try giving birth, and having an attorney at your bedside while you are pumped up beside so many drugs you think insects are crawling all over you.not even 24 hours after you give birth. Try saying no to the adoption faciliators attorney, and he will just tell you that by uprightness of thinking about adoption your are deemed unfit in the court of imperative. I was told even if I would not sign the papers, the baby would go to foster effort because I was in an "adoption program". I would have to prove I could support the child, and I would have to repay housing, medical and all sorts of things. The attorney told me that he would make my existence a living hell.
How about being called a "birth" item months before birthing. How about hearing constantly how the adoptive house is better until your ears bleed.
Even worse.try living with yourself afterwards only to have viscious ancestors like you tear you down even further.
NO.
Your time will come.
Since you say you do not believe in coercion, you will, no doubt experience it someday..when you lowest possible expect it.
Coercion:
is the practice of compelling a person or manipulating them to behave surrounded by an involuntary way (whether through action or inaction) by use of threats, intimidation, trickery, or some other form of pressure or force
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coercion
You need to lecture yourself.
havent YOU asked this grill before?
Just because you don't believe in coersion doesn't mean it didn't take place. I was in your frame of mind once and believe me, it happens.
How dare you trivilalize what some mothers go through?
Coercion usually involves force and threats if the said person doesn't manufacture the desired decision. A bad informed decision is when you enjoy all the information, make a choice and regret it later.
Well, a finding is something you make for yourself. Coercion is where someone else is trying to make the declaration for you and manipulating your situation to get the result they want.
I'm sure some people do "dream up" that they be coerced after the fact in many situations. I also know that coercion DOES take place in adoption, and that is a terrible article. It just shouldn't happen. I can't imagine anyone denying that it ever happen. Source(s): Adoptee, mother of 5
There is no difference. Both situations result in loss for the parents (there are also fathers in the equation) and the child.
Ollie, my mother didn't even know my name could be changed. Well, she knew my surname would change, but she thought I would grow up beside the given name she chose. She thought I had access to the records. She thought someone would nickname her if I had any problems. I met her when I was 21, and I had to explain the adoption process to her. She be simply never told what was happening.
I know for sure was coerced.
Ollie.I think by now you must know something something like the Baby Scoop Era in America. And that is what I most directly can talk just about, as I was there and a part of that colleagues of young unmarried, mostly white, middle-class women who lost my firstborn to adoption. Knowing what you certainly must know by now more or less this particular subject on the BSE, would you say that we as a class of unmarried young pregnant women be fully 'informed'? Would you say that no coercion or pressure to surrender did not exist during the BSE...when abortion was illegal, and no birth control pills be prescribed to unmarried women and also not to quite a few married women as well, depending on the state the married woman lived in? Would you not concur that while a childish unmarried woman was delivering that the use of blindfolds, sheets and/or pillows over her face, so that she would not be capable of see her newborn..would put her under duress? Would you not concur that the medical staff's denial to let you know the sex of your own child, let alone see and hold your own newborn...would be coercive and put a strange mother under duress? Would you not consider the prescribed narcotics that were injected into newly deliver (post-partum) young unmarried mothers, as coersive? Would you not concede that the denial of any legal representation, let alone be present contained by a courtroom, would be a denial of a woman's/mother's civil rights? Would you not consider coersion, fraud, duress and/or pressure present to surrender your child to adoption, for the only crime of not being married?
Come on Ollie...surely you know better by now, than to ask a dumb-*** give somebody the third degree like this... Source(s): A BSE Mother! and have my medical records immediately to prove it!
You're incredibly lucky. If you've lead such a sheltered life that you "don't believe contained by coercion", that must be a very cush position to be in.
You're not alone on top of that hummock. There are plenty of others who have never experienced powerlessness, too, and who have no ability to understand. There's nothing anyone can ever say to someone with such a sheltered vivacity to be able to convince them that not all of life is that gorgeous. Those of us who live in the real world must just adopt that there are people like you who will never, ever believe that anything desperate can happen without your consent. Me? I'd rather live here, and enjoy the ability to have compassion for those who suffer. But that's just me. Source(s): Most of us don't live surrounded by "perfect". For the real world, there's walgreens.
Coercion is pressure from a position of authority, manipulation, bribes, threats or other means to force a decision. A pregnant young person who is told by her parents that she will be kicked out of the house if she does not place the child for adoption constitutes coercion, for example.
A bad informed decision is when someone has adjectives of the information, is aware of all the options and choices available to her, chooses to place for adoption, then next regrets it.
In the first part, there is wrongdoing on the part of someone contained by an authority position, be it the mother's family, the adoption agency, the adoption attorney, etc.
In the second part, there is no such wrongdoing.
Who's to say the decision was necessarily a unpromising one...informed or otherwise?
I just love the way some people bash on birth mothers. Some of their attitudes appear to presume that all birth mothers were co-erced, and that they have this overwhelming regret almost making the conscious choice to place for adoption, or that somehow they are supposed to carry this guilt all their lives...or that people if truth be told think it's OK to tell them they're not being "in charge." WTF? Adoption is one of the most accountable things you can do. You're not killing a child, you're not leaving them at a dumpster to die from infanticide, and you're not hold on to a child that you may resent and possibly abuse due to anger and resentment. You don't become the next Susan Smith, Andrea Yates or Diane Downs...maybe if those women have placed, they wouldn't be in jail now!
It may not be PC to read aloud this, but some birth mother did NOT want to parent for whatever reason and that is why they placed the child for adoption. So why are they human being villified for this? They were being honest, not evil.
Some people may enjoy been coerced but certainly not all. Some of us made the choice beside a clear conscience, and the bottom line is some people can't handle it and they don't approve and in a minute want to condemn us for it!
I just wish people who stop judge others and let them live their lives in the way they see fit!!
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