Adoptees how can adoptive and biological parents be better parents?
Never discount your child's feelings. If they feel it is key enough to talk to you about, treat it as such, no business what. Children need to feel as though their feelings are noteworthy, even over trivial things. You don't have to give in to their opinion, but let them know that you listen.
Never use your hands or words to hurt, because these create indelible marks on a child's psyche.
Always grant them a hug when they ask for one, no matter how you feel. Never deny affection. Ever.
I am adult adoptee and I was told from time 1 by my adoptive parents I was a special baby just for them and they loved me terrifically much. It was a closed adoption-but I recently met a birth mother and she is great-she gives me space and totally realize that she is NOT my mother. The person that raised me is my mother. Everyone is aware of everyone else-there are no secrets very soon. But-I am over 40 years old-I don't know how a younger person would react.
AP's:
Don't be afraid to talk about adoption. We can tell when it make you anxious and it makes us even more anxious.
Don't withhold affection.
Educate yourself about the possible effects adoption may have on your child's time. This will help -immensely-. My mom just started learning in the order of these things and it has made a huge difference in our relationship. I still have problems near my dad because whenever I try to talk about certain things he tell me to "get over it" "stop making such a big deal" and "you are just being lazy/a sissy/whiny/an attention hog". That's my dad! It took me have a total panic attack/breakdown at a family reunion for him to believe I really might (notice the might) have social anxiety even though I have been telling him that for about 5 years.
Find support for yourselves and for your kids
There is a fine column between making a person feel excluded/different and pretending that their differences don't exist. You need to find that flash and stick to it. Never try to pretend that their differences don't matter. For a lot of adoptees, their differences are incredibly important to them. They are how they create a sense of self. But don't breed them feel like they don't belong either. Belonging and acquiescence is often critical to adoptees.
Understand adoption may effect them in ways that may not immediately product sense to you.
Don't push your expectations onto them.
There are more, but I will stop here for now.
As for biological parents..I don't know. I haven never been parented by a biological parent so I don't really have any insight I can add on there.
my dad raise me really well. he told me i was adopted since i be like 2 and answered all my questions. hes shown me pictures, and showed me parcels my birthmom wrote to me, and she recently moved, and were trying to find her address again so we can send the annual 'book' (i resembling to call it) to her.
i advise telling the kid when they are really youthful that they where adopted. they will understand better. and notify them WHY they where adopted. and answer all their question. and ALWYAS keep in touch with the birthmom and agree to your kid read the letters, too.
By having TONS of box office hits. Source(s): Myself.
I have to agree near almost everyone who commented before me. Never be afraid to talk about it and other give affection.
Quit perpetuating the myth that here is no difference between the two.
And initiate conversations about the adoption. Sometimes it's just to risky for an adopted child to initiate the conversation. Never assume that because the child doesn't sermon about it, that it's not an issue. The child is often times afraid of any perceived consequences of raising the topic, even though surrounded by reality there may be none. Source(s): American Adoptee in the UK
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