My biggest foreboding something like adoption is that the child will not love me - adoptees do you love your adoptive parents?
Not trying to be offensive - I just want to know - this issue bothers me more than anything else about adopt.
Also, what can I do so that my adopted child feels more loved, and special, and a part of the clan?
Thank you :)
yes, i love my parents very much, they are raise me since I was three after my mom left me. My parents always made sure that I never feel like my mom ditching me for her drugs was my fault. I've have a lot of learning problems but they never got stressed out even when it took close to 50 times for me to figure something out. I guess if you love them, they will love you back but don't expect it all at once. When I first lived beside them I was really confused cause my mom was gone and i though she be coming back but she didn't. I don't want to get close to them cause I though they would find sick of me like my mom did and leave me too. It took them a long time to gain my trust and love, I guess you have to love first and be forgiving and then you kid will be able to love you back contained by time. Source(s): my parents adopted me at 3 when my mom abdondonded me.
I was adopted when I was 3 years weak. My "adoptive" mom is the greatest lady ever. She saved my life. I be in foster care from 5 months to 3 years. No one wanted me and my foster parents be about to pass me along to another foster family because I be bothering them not being adopted. When my mom came she said yes, specifically the child i want. I had already been through a lot and she did not want to see me passed from one line to the next. I love my adoptive mom very much. I'm forever greatful to her. My adoptive dad is an idiot and never talk to him but he too did release my life.
I have a picture of my biological parents and I have 2 biological brothers. My brothers I preserve in contact with my biological parents I could careless something like.
My "real parents" are my adoptive parents. For real is the one that cares and loves you not the one who give birth to you.
So yes, I love my adoptive parents very much.
I love my a-dad. My a-mom? I don't. I could use much stronger phrases, but I won't.
However... adopting is not about your feelings. It is something like helping a child. You take the risk of having a bad relationship beside your child no matter how they come to be. Source(s): adoptee, mother of 5
It's not roughly speaking them loving you its about you loving them no matter what, every child at one point or another says "I aversion you!' when there children and as they are teens and sometimes as an adult but under it adjectives they will always love you, you are the one that loved them put a roof over their head, fed them, nearby for their ups and downs when they get there heart broke for the first time! that is your child and even though adopt you have a bond for life no matter what. So love them for who they are! and its nice to hold a thank you or I love you but that's not a reason to adopt, it is supposed to be a unselfish thing! I hope this helps and sorry for man blunt!
I love my parents. However, if I found out that they spent their time trolling the internet and making racist comments and trying to convince parents to abandon their children, it might change my opinion of them. So maybe you should clean up your act a bit.
And consequently we can move on to working on the idea that adoption is about the kid and not around you and your desperate need to be loved.
No.
They didn't "need" me -- they have two children already. (Not that I wanted to be "needed".) They didn't WANT me -- that I did want... to be wanted. I never bonded with my APs and they BLAMED ME for that -- even though I be adopted as an infant. They abused me. They abused my little sister. I was put in a position of protecting her and taking her harm for her (which I did willingly and would do again a million times), because she was so small and vulnerable, when I be ONLY 10 years old. I returned to that home -- the one I left at age 14 -- again and again just to protect her. I be sucked back in to an awful environment because I couldn't stand to leave her in that without protection. Btw, I'm 8 years older than my sis... so when they started abusing HER, she be only 2.
Nope... don't love them.
I'm worried about the fact that your dismay is based on YOU and YOUR wants... I won't call them requirements because it's NOT a need (to have a child that you chose to bring into your life love you).
And... BLECH!... I can't scrub the answer that you newly left on another question out of my brain... it is only a sick and desperate human being that would actually try to talk a FATHER out of raising his OWN child. Pathetic! Truly pitiful... what make you think that surrendering his child EVER crossed his mind even one time? The way I read his question, explicitly what he's trying to PREVENT.
Jeez! Source(s): Reunited adult adoptee and social worker.
I tried. They're all I had, so I have to try.
We're a captive audience, you know. Stranded, and without resources. We do the best we can. Of course we want love and to be loved.
I was adopt to fill a need. And it's real existing hard to love people who think around their own needs first, because you can't trust them to be there for you when you need them. So grow up, you might influence, that's life. But adoptees are just children...and most parents trying to fill a stipulation rationalize it as being charitable or doing it for the child.
And how can a child trust someone who's that dishonest with themselves and everyone else?
So I think the answer to your request for information lies in the adopting parents themselves. Ultimately, you get put money on what you give. But if getting is the goal, the kid is going to know...that it's all in the order of the parents...
I would hope that, as adoptive parents, you were there for THE CHILD and providing for them, regardless. It's a commitment. It's about giving, not getting.
Hmm, hard question for me to answer. My APs get divorced when I was young, my adad never come around me after that. So, no, I don't love my "dad". My amom and I have a strained relationship, I began feeling approaching she only wanted me as a baby but once I grew up, she be done with me. I resemble my natural mother ALOT and I could tell that my amom become bitter about that. When I got pregnant my amom tried pushing me to give my son up, I despicable her for that. At the time I had reunited with my natural mother and she be very supportive of me keeping my baby. I had my nmom within the delivery room. My amom and I rarely speak. However, I have fond memories but that isn't plenty.
Yes I love the parents that raised me. I think most adoptee even if they have issues beside their adoption love their adoptive parents. The ones that have no love lost are typical those who were abused. Parent should just fully love their children doesn`t matter what way they came to them. Love should be unconditional not done because they are expecting something back whether that be returned love or something else.
Yes, I love my entire afamily.
""what can I do so that my adopted child feels more loved, and special, and a part of the family""
You could stop putting your own fears back the child's welfare. It's not down to the child to love you, it's down to you to be a loveable parent.
Answers: Not really.
It never occured to me whether or not my bio kids will love me or not...interesting.
Your neediness will be picked up on by the kids--which will drive them away...
My "adoptive" mom is the only momma for me. I love her. I don't have a "natural" mom and an "adoptive" mom. She is my merely and only mom.
However, I think it's different for kids in the foster system. I be never there, so i can't answer for thse in that position.
If you are a loving, kind, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, benevolent etc. etc. mother, why would a child not love you? If you give a child unconditional love, that means no matter what he does or impossible choices he makes, you will always be there for him/her, later how could that child not love you.
You are looking at yourself as something seperate from the child. When you adopt, you become the mother.
The baby, sees you and hopefully feels you, both physically and emotionally, as the mother.
The immature adolscence is your child and you are the mother.
The teen is your child and you are the mother.
Need I say more?
What you can do, is right from the moment you hold that child, you become the mother. You love the child, you hug the child, you encourage the child - etc. etc.
There is no risk attached to an adoption, unless it is the risk of the child being taken vertebrae during the days until it is made legal.
All six of my children, I know, love me and have always loved me, as their mother. (Five adopt one pregnancy). That is because I have loved all of them the same, but saw the individuality of them at the same time.
By accepting the child as your child, from the beginning, your family will do impossible to tell apart thing. If some of them do not, that is their problem.
It never entered my pave the way that my child would not love me, because I loved them so completely that I knew they would grow up with love in their heart.
i did. and still do, even though my a dad is not the emotional type.
Through all the mistakes they made and adjectives the crap they did. Yes.
"Also, what can I do so that my adopted child feels more loved, and special, and a part of the line?"
Dont ever use adoption against them in any form.
Some people experience this fear past they become parents. You're not the only person in the world to give somebody the third degree the love of children who aren't even in your life yet. Biological or adopt children I mean.
When you become a parent you give far more than realize of yourself, in that it doesn't thing if your child is your because you gave birth or through adoption. There are no guarentee's that you'll end up with a upright relationship with your kids either way surrounded by their adult years.
Just do the right thing by your kids as they grow up. Don't deny them things like research gradually about their adoption and be secure surrounded by yourself as their mother and supportive of things relating to their background. (Insecure adoptive parents are the ones who suffer the most and often put their kids through unnessesary pain when they want to own contact with first families.) Be there for them when they have need of you the most. Be a mother, thats all a kid really asks of you. Loving unconditionally is what you teach them. This can only be done by example. By doing this you'll riddle them with love and they'll love you back. Can't get what you don't grant...
Work at putting your fear aside and look at the more positive rewarding aspects of being a parent. No one said it will be easy, but who wishes easy anyway. The things you have to work hardest at are often the most rewarding within life.
All the best! Source(s): Adoptive mum
If you're going into this with expectations, you should not adopt. Children who have lost their families are grieving, and do not own the emotional resources to handle the job of making you get the impression loved and fulfilled.
And about the racist comments...no, I'll just stop there. YOU know it's racist, but you're making excuses to verbs. 'Nuf said.
if the child is adopt from birth, he or she will love you.
if the child is adopted as a child, they may have a hard time loving you at first.
no concern what, the child should and 99% will always love you.
in the teen years, the child will seem foolish, upset, angry, etc. but, they will get over it.
(:
hope i helped, feel free to contact me if you enjoy any other questions. Source(s): adoptee myself.
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Thank you :)
yes, i love my parents very much, they are raise me since I was three after my mom left me. My parents always made sure that I never feel like my mom ditching me for her drugs was my fault. I've have a lot of learning problems but they never got stressed out even when it took close to 50 times for me to figure something out. I guess if you love them, they will love you back but don't expect it all at once. When I first lived beside them I was really confused cause my mom was gone and i though she be coming back but she didn't. I don't want to get close to them cause I though they would find sick of me like my mom did and leave me too. It took them a long time to gain my trust and love, I guess you have to love first and be forgiving and then you kid will be able to love you back contained by time. Source(s): my parents adopted me at 3 when my mom abdondonded me.
I was adopted when I was 3 years weak. My "adoptive" mom is the greatest lady ever. She saved my life. I be in foster care from 5 months to 3 years. No one wanted me and my foster parents be about to pass me along to another foster family because I be bothering them not being adopted. When my mom came she said yes, specifically the child i want. I had already been through a lot and she did not want to see me passed from one line to the next. I love my adoptive mom very much. I'm forever greatful to her. My adoptive dad is an idiot and never talk to him but he too did release my life.
I have a picture of my biological parents and I have 2 biological brothers. My brothers I preserve in contact with my biological parents I could careless something like.
My "real parents" are my adoptive parents. For real is the one that cares and loves you not the one who give birth to you.
So yes, I love my adoptive parents very much.
I love my a-dad. My a-mom? I don't. I could use much stronger phrases, but I won't.
However... adopting is not about your feelings. It is something like helping a child. You take the risk of having a bad relationship beside your child no matter how they come to be. Source(s): adoptee, mother of 5
It's not roughly speaking them loving you its about you loving them no matter what, every child at one point or another says "I aversion you!' when there children and as they are teens and sometimes as an adult but under it adjectives they will always love you, you are the one that loved them put a roof over their head, fed them, nearby for their ups and downs when they get there heart broke for the first time! that is your child and even though adopt you have a bond for life no matter what. So love them for who they are! and its nice to hold a thank you or I love you but that's not a reason to adopt, it is supposed to be a unselfish thing! I hope this helps and sorry for man blunt!
I love my parents. However, if I found out that they spent their time trolling the internet and making racist comments and trying to convince parents to abandon their children, it might change my opinion of them. So maybe you should clean up your act a bit.
And consequently we can move on to working on the idea that adoption is about the kid and not around you and your desperate need to be loved.
No.
They didn't "need" me -- they have two children already. (Not that I wanted to be "needed".) They didn't WANT me -- that I did want... to be wanted. I never bonded with my APs and they BLAMED ME for that -- even though I be adopted as an infant. They abused me. They abused my little sister. I was put in a position of protecting her and taking her harm for her (which I did willingly and would do again a million times), because she was so small and vulnerable, when I be ONLY 10 years old. I returned to that home -- the one I left at age 14 -- again and again just to protect her. I be sucked back in to an awful environment because I couldn't stand to leave her in that without protection. Btw, I'm 8 years older than my sis... so when they started abusing HER, she be only 2.
Nope... don't love them.
I'm worried about the fact that your dismay is based on YOU and YOUR wants... I won't call them requirements because it's NOT a need (to have a child that you chose to bring into your life love you).
And... BLECH!... I can't scrub the answer that you newly left on another question out of my brain... it is only a sick and desperate human being that would actually try to talk a FATHER out of raising his OWN child. Pathetic! Truly pitiful... what make you think that surrendering his child EVER crossed his mind even one time? The way I read his question, explicitly what he's trying to PREVENT.
Jeez! Source(s): Reunited adult adoptee and social worker.
I tried. They're all I had, so I have to try.
We're a captive audience, you know. Stranded, and without resources. We do the best we can. Of course we want love and to be loved.
I was adopt to fill a need. And it's real existing hard to love people who think around their own needs first, because you can't trust them to be there for you when you need them. So grow up, you might influence, that's life. But adoptees are just children...and most parents trying to fill a stipulation rationalize it as being charitable or doing it for the child.
And how can a child trust someone who's that dishonest with themselves and everyone else?
So I think the answer to your request for information lies in the adopting parents themselves. Ultimately, you get put money on what you give. But if getting is the goal, the kid is going to know...that it's all in the order of the parents...
I would hope that, as adoptive parents, you were there for THE CHILD and providing for them, regardless. It's a commitment. It's about giving, not getting.
Hmm, hard question for me to answer. My APs get divorced when I was young, my adad never come around me after that. So, no, I don't love my "dad". My amom and I have a strained relationship, I began feeling approaching she only wanted me as a baby but once I grew up, she be done with me. I resemble my natural mother ALOT and I could tell that my amom become bitter about that. When I got pregnant my amom tried pushing me to give my son up, I despicable her for that. At the time I had reunited with my natural mother and she be very supportive of me keeping my baby. I had my nmom within the delivery room. My amom and I rarely speak. However, I have fond memories but that isn't plenty.
Yes I love the parents that raised me. I think most adoptee even if they have issues beside their adoption love their adoptive parents. The ones that have no love lost are typical those who were abused. Parent should just fully love their children doesn`t matter what way they came to them. Love should be unconditional not done because they are expecting something back whether that be returned love or something else.
Yes, I love my entire afamily.
""what can I do so that my adopted child feels more loved, and special, and a part of the family""
You could stop putting your own fears back the child's welfare. It's not down to the child to love you, it's down to you to be a loveable parent.
Answers: Not really.
It never occured to me whether or not my bio kids will love me or not...interesting.
Your neediness will be picked up on by the kids--which will drive them away...
My "adoptive" mom is the only momma for me. I love her. I don't have a "natural" mom and an "adoptive" mom. She is my merely and only mom.
However, I think it's different for kids in the foster system. I be never there, so i can't answer for thse in that position.
If you are a loving, kind, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, benevolent etc. etc. mother, why would a child not love you? If you give a child unconditional love, that means no matter what he does or impossible choices he makes, you will always be there for him/her, later how could that child not love you.
You are looking at yourself as something seperate from the child. When you adopt, you become the mother.
The baby, sees you and hopefully feels you, both physically and emotionally, as the mother.
The immature adolscence is your child and you are the mother.
The teen is your child and you are the mother.
Need I say more?
What you can do, is right from the moment you hold that child, you become the mother. You love the child, you hug the child, you encourage the child - etc. etc.
There is no risk attached to an adoption, unless it is the risk of the child being taken vertebrae during the days until it is made legal.
All six of my children, I know, love me and have always loved me, as their mother. (Five adopt one pregnancy). That is because I have loved all of them the same, but saw the individuality of them at the same time.
By accepting the child as your child, from the beginning, your family will do impossible to tell apart thing. If some of them do not, that is their problem.
It never entered my pave the way that my child would not love me, because I loved them so completely that I knew they would grow up with love in their heart.
i did. and still do, even though my a dad is not the emotional type.
Through all the mistakes they made and adjectives the crap they did. Yes.
"Also, what can I do so that my adopted child feels more loved, and special, and a part of the line?"
Dont ever use adoption against them in any form.
Some people experience this fear past they become parents. You're not the only person in the world to give somebody the third degree the love of children who aren't even in your life yet. Biological or adopt children I mean.
When you become a parent you give far more than realize of yourself, in that it doesn't thing if your child is your because you gave birth or through adoption. There are no guarentee's that you'll end up with a upright relationship with your kids either way surrounded by their adult years.
Just do the right thing by your kids as they grow up. Don't deny them things like research gradually about their adoption and be secure surrounded by yourself as their mother and supportive of things relating to their background. (Insecure adoptive parents are the ones who suffer the most and often put their kids through unnessesary pain when they want to own contact with first families.) Be there for them when they have need of you the most. Be a mother, thats all a kid really asks of you. Loving unconditionally is what you teach them. This can only be done by example. By doing this you'll riddle them with love and they'll love you back. Can't get what you don't grant...
Work at putting your fear aside and look at the more positive rewarding aspects of being a parent. No one said it will be easy, but who wishes easy anyway. The things you have to work hardest at are often the most rewarding within life.
All the best! Source(s): Adoptive mum
If you're going into this with expectations, you should not adopt. Children who have lost their families are grieving, and do not own the emotional resources to handle the job of making you get the impression loved and fulfilled.
And about the racist comments...no, I'll just stop there. YOU know it's racist, but you're making excuses to verbs. 'Nuf said.
if the child is adopt from birth, he or she will love you.
if the child is adopted as a child, they may have a hard time loving you at first.
no concern what, the child should and 99% will always love you.
in the teen years, the child will seem foolish, upset, angry, etc. but, they will get over it.
(:
hope i helped, feel free to contact me if you enjoy any other questions. Source(s): adoptee myself.
Related Questions: