Adoptees on adoption?
i just was wondering how you guys feel going on for your adoption and how it could have been made better and stuff?
especially internationally adopted culture. like, do you feel like you be taken away from your culture and birthright or any chance of ever being reunited to your birth parents?
I really want to hear it straight from the mouth of the people it artificial not a biased website.
i'd really appreciate it. thanks
I'm a closed Aussie domestic adoptee from the early 1970's
I have some fond memories and some truly crappy memories. I can't really say if I have a good or bad adoption experience as I knew or have friends from a young age who had it worse than I did or had it better than I did.
I do know that my existence wouldn't have been "better" if I wasn't adopted. It would hold been different. My natural mother wasn't fit to be a mother and I would have concluded up living my either my natural grand father or one of my crude uncles helping them run one of their farms. I would have gone from being a pretty shy computer nerdyboy who grew up in a small country town to a quite shy cowboy who grew up in a small country town.
"how it could own been made better and stuff?"
That there was a better father and son relationship. Actually done things together approaching going to the Cricket, Rugby, AFL, Fishing, Bowling, etc.
That mum wasnt as manipulative and fearful as she was and that no matter what happened or be happening I was and will always be her son.
But I wouldn't give somebody a lift anything back. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly. I wouldn't have become the man I have become today. Okay this man conceivably a little wacky. a little strange. a little bit hot head.. but I am here alive and trying my best to enjoy the moments I have now. Those years enjoy gone, there is no point living in the yesterdays, the should haves; could haves or and dreaming about what ifs; I am living contained by the now and in the moment. That doesn't mean you forget around the past; it just means that you dont consent to it run your life.
"i was also curious if you stay in contact beside your adoptive families after you grow up, or find your birth families?"
Mum passed away some years back. Dads still impossible to verbalize too, but I still keep on knocking on his door.
Located my natural familial. Dad + Mum + Sister = Natural Mum. All three in one. Resulting in my Natural Mum being a CHB. Even though I dont approaching her; we dont talk and dont have a relationship; yet, I still have a sneaking suspicion that about her from time to time.
I've also met my sisters and have a very strong relationship near them. We all get along fine. We are all different. I love them regardless of their unqiue characteristics. It have been really great meeting them and being apart of their lives in a minute. I'm no longer that lost face in a sea of similar face that I felt when I was growing up.
"do you still consider them your mom and dad?"
Yes. Reunion has not and will not revision a thing. Because they are ones that I had as parents growing up.
I'm a domestic adoptee, adopt at birth in the late 70s. My adoption could have be made better if there wasn't so much secrecy surrounding certain things. I choice I had access to my original birth certificate. I need I had a medical history for my first parents. I wish I had an get underway adoption, so that they could have been a part of my duration. I am starting my search, and it is hard. I have no information to work beside, other than my birth date, and where I was born. I option I had more information.
As far as other adoptions, I wish that money be never exchanged for human flesh. I don't care where the child comes from, it is SO wrong to charge multiple thousands of dollars to adopt. I think that adoption should be based on where the child fits in best, not base on what the parents think they want most. I want to take the mystery surrounding first parents out of the equation by having adjectives adoptions open, unless there is swearing or neglect already in the picture from the first parents. So much more also, but I haven't enough time to inventory it all.
If you search back through the question, you will find many wonderful answers for very similar questions. Source(s): adoptee, mother of 5
I was born in Korea, adopted to a caucasian relations in California. There is NOTHING I'd change about my time. I love my life. I am so grateful to be here. I know that my birth mother was very strong to bequeath me up for adoption. I'm sure it was very hard for her, but she know my life was more here than she could have provided.
Any randomness of being reunited? I don't think so. She's a stranger. I used to want to meet her when I be a teenage, but I'm a well adjusted full-size with my own little family now. My birth ethnic group really has no effect on my life anymore.
I know my birth parents' names and their ages when I be born, but I don't care. Like I said, they are strangers. My family is my family.
EDIT: Yeah, I thought I'd obtain thumbs down. But whatever. I'm not sorry I don't care nearly my birth family. Source(s): My life.
For a good answer concerning internationally adopted people I would recommend the book "Outsiders Within" written by internationally adoptees themselves (not by others speaking on their behalf, as you'll often find here and other places!)
It's an eye-opener and will contribute you the answers you're looking for - directly from adoptees Source(s): Outsiders Within
I am a domestic adoptee from a closed adoption surrounded by the early 80's.
I have some issues with my adoption. As closely of people have mentioned, the secrecy and removal of information is a big thing. I think the other biggest thing is that I decision that my parents had been provided with the resources to better concord with adoption issues as they came up in our lives to some extent than being sold the happyhappy story by the adoption agency. There are some other things, but those, for me, are the two biggies.
I'm 18. I was adopt at only a few weeks old along with my twin brother.
The general public who adopted me will ALWAYS be my mom and dad. There are always those times when we argue etc. but they raised me and provided for me and i can't think that i would EVER ever call my biological parents mom and dad. Seriously, ever.
I will definitely stay in contact next to my adoptive family, because they are my family, and all the household i've known. The relationship will be the same as if a biological daughter/son stayed in contact near their parents in my opinion.
However, I would like to find my birth parents. And i hold other siblings also but who knows what happened to them, i heard one be in foster care and the rest are unknown when i was adopt.
One main reason i want to find my birth parents is just to know where on earth i came from. I don't know my background, race and I'd really similar to to know that. After a while not knowing whether to check white, other, latino, or whatever on standardized tests was annoying and after having class projects where you look at your family tree and find who you get what traits from... that was hard but i always played it sour like it was okay.
I don't want to hurt my adoptive family but I'm sure they would have a handle on my curiosity. I've been looking into it as i've gotten older.
One day i will gather round them i hope, if they're not deceased or anything... and i'm terrified and nervous of that year but i need it.
There's a show called The Locator, (reunites families) and the quote is perfect:
"You can't find peace until you find adjectives the pieces." Source(s): me
Answers: I would have preferred to be raised next to my natural family, but that did not happen.
Growing up, my duration would have been easier if I had prearranged the facts about my n family. I had no belief, and even the non-identifying info the agency gave my parents was untrue..I found that out once I was within reunion. It sucked to have to make up fantasies in my manager about them.
It also would have been better if my parents would hold been equipped to deal with the psychological issues most adoptees own, like self esteem issues, fears of rejection and abandonment, trust issues, etc. I was born surrounded by 1965, and the facts about the negative aspects of adoption were only beginning to surface, so I do not blame my parents.
Even though I am not an International adoptee, my ap's were first generation American immigrant. Their culture and identity was NOTHING like my own. I look nothing resembling my a family. Of course my being adopted be not nearly as obvious as it is for IA's, I still stuck out like a sore thumb. Not just looks-wise, but everything astute, lol.
It also would have been easier if I had be allowed to grieve the loss of my first Mother. Newborns and their first mothers have a bond which is primal, genetic, and instinctive. It is scientific fact. Of course my a Mom did not follow that, as she had never had a biological child. (she now tell me she understands, because after she adopted me & my a bro, she went on to enjoy a baby, our sister) I learned very rash that talking about my adoption pain hurt my parents, as they took it individually. I didnt want to hurt them, so I just shut down when it came to my adoption. As irrational as it sounds, they could not understand that my wanting to know and love my first mother and first family connections had nothing to do with my love for them.
Being contained by reunion has helped a lot. I get the impression connected, like I am part of something. NOT that I am not a part of my a kith and kin, because I am, but I am now part of something cellular- with inhabitants who are just like me.
ETA:
"was also curious if you stay contained by contact with your adoptive families after you grow up, or find your birth families?"
Yes. My a parents live roughly a mile from me. We (my children and I) see them at least twice a week. I drive them to the store, the doctor's appointments, to events, etc.
"and do you still consider them your mom and dad?"
Yes, why wouldn't I? Reunion does not change that. If anything, my reunion has made my relationship beside my adoptive family BETTER.
Just as I always considered my first Mom and Dad my Mom and Dad, I will always consider my adoptive parents my Mom and Dad. All four of them are my parents. Each have a different role. Source(s): being adopted and in reunion
I'm also a domestic adoptee, from the early seventies.
In Canada, adoptees do enjoy more rights, as far as I can tell. I never had trouble with documentation, I own my OBC and there's been no problem as far as passports or anything. I'm still shocked whenever I hear someone from the states say that they can't get their own store. Seriously, guys, I'm really sorry to hear that. That's terrible.
I was adopted within a closed adoption, however. I suppose I wish that my first mother would have wanted contact. She really didn't. I don't craving for her to have raised me...I don't think it would enjoy been good for either of us...but I unquestionably would have liked to know her before I did.
More than that, though, I loving of wish that I had known my biological brother...he is two years younger than I, and my first mom placed him as very well. If she was going to do that anyhow, I sort of wish she had placed him next to my parents, selfishly. Because I didn't grow up with him, he and I don't share many similar values. When we did meet, it be interesting to meet him, but having such different personalities and helpfulness systems, it's tough for us to really have too much of a relationship. My parents only had me, and I would own loved to have a sibling. I don't want to be a jerk, though. He loves his parents also, and I'm not saying he should never own been with them...only that it would enjoy been nice to have him growing up. Maybe we would have be more alike, who knows...
I didn't have any secrecy or anything growing up. My parents other talked to me about my feelings, talk to me often about my first mom, and always looked-for more openness. My first mom didn't. I don't agree with her choice, but I understand and respect it. I guess it be what she needed at that time.
Now we talk all the time. She's not really my mom, in one and the same sense, but she is a nice person, who gets along well beside my family. I love hearing about some of the things she's done. She's have a pretty interesting life. Source(s): Adoptee, product of a closed, but supportive adoption situation.
Related Questions:
Step-father adoption?
How to adopt the children of my boyfriends?
Anyone have a special guardianship establish direction needed?
especially internationally adopted culture. like, do you feel like you be taken away from your culture and birthright or any chance of ever being reunited to your birth parents?
I really want to hear it straight from the mouth of the people it artificial not a biased website.
i'd really appreciate it. thanks
I'm a closed Aussie domestic adoptee from the early 1970's
I have some fond memories and some truly crappy memories. I can't really say if I have a good or bad adoption experience as I knew or have friends from a young age who had it worse than I did or had it better than I did.
I do know that my existence wouldn't have been "better" if I wasn't adopted. It would hold been different. My natural mother wasn't fit to be a mother and I would have concluded up living my either my natural grand father or one of my crude uncles helping them run one of their farms. I would have gone from being a pretty shy computer nerdyboy who grew up in a small country town to a quite shy cowboy who grew up in a small country town.
"how it could own been made better and stuff?"
That there was a better father and son relationship. Actually done things together approaching going to the Cricket, Rugby, AFL, Fishing, Bowling, etc.
That mum wasnt as manipulative and fearful as she was and that no matter what happened or be happening I was and will always be her son.
But I wouldn't give somebody a lift anything back. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly. I wouldn't have become the man I have become today. Okay this man conceivably a little wacky. a little strange. a little bit hot head.. but I am here alive and trying my best to enjoy the moments I have now. Those years enjoy gone, there is no point living in the yesterdays, the should haves; could haves or and dreaming about what ifs; I am living contained by the now and in the moment. That doesn't mean you forget around the past; it just means that you dont consent to it run your life.
"i was also curious if you stay in contact beside your adoptive families after you grow up, or find your birth families?"
Mum passed away some years back. Dads still impossible to verbalize too, but I still keep on knocking on his door.
Located my natural familial. Dad + Mum + Sister = Natural Mum. All three in one. Resulting in my Natural Mum being a CHB. Even though I dont approaching her; we dont talk and dont have a relationship; yet, I still have a sneaking suspicion that about her from time to time.
I've also met my sisters and have a very strong relationship near them. We all get along fine. We are all different. I love them regardless of their unqiue characteristics. It have been really great meeting them and being apart of their lives in a minute. I'm no longer that lost face in a sea of similar face that I felt when I was growing up.
"do you still consider them your mom and dad?"
Yes. Reunion has not and will not revision a thing. Because they are ones that I had as parents growing up.
I'm a domestic adoptee, adopt at birth in the late 70s. My adoption could have be made better if there wasn't so much secrecy surrounding certain things. I choice I had access to my original birth certificate. I need I had a medical history for my first parents. I wish I had an get underway adoption, so that they could have been a part of my duration. I am starting my search, and it is hard. I have no information to work beside, other than my birth date, and where I was born. I option I had more information.
As far as other adoptions, I wish that money be never exchanged for human flesh. I don't care where the child comes from, it is SO wrong to charge multiple thousands of dollars to adopt. I think that adoption should be based on where the child fits in best, not base on what the parents think they want most. I want to take the mystery surrounding first parents out of the equation by having adjectives adoptions open, unless there is swearing or neglect already in the picture from the first parents. So much more also, but I haven't enough time to inventory it all.
If you search back through the question, you will find many wonderful answers for very similar questions. Source(s): adoptee, mother of 5
I was born in Korea, adopted to a caucasian relations in California. There is NOTHING I'd change about my time. I love my life. I am so grateful to be here. I know that my birth mother was very strong to bequeath me up for adoption. I'm sure it was very hard for her, but she know my life was more here than she could have provided.
Any randomness of being reunited? I don't think so. She's a stranger. I used to want to meet her when I be a teenage, but I'm a well adjusted full-size with my own little family now. My birth ethnic group really has no effect on my life anymore.
I know my birth parents' names and their ages when I be born, but I don't care. Like I said, they are strangers. My family is my family.
EDIT: Yeah, I thought I'd obtain thumbs down. But whatever. I'm not sorry I don't care nearly my birth family. Source(s): My life.
For a good answer concerning internationally adopted people I would recommend the book "Outsiders Within" written by internationally adoptees themselves (not by others speaking on their behalf, as you'll often find here and other places!)
It's an eye-opener and will contribute you the answers you're looking for - directly from adoptees Source(s): Outsiders Within
I am a domestic adoptee from a closed adoption surrounded by the early 80's.
I have some issues with my adoption. As closely of people have mentioned, the secrecy and removal of information is a big thing. I think the other biggest thing is that I decision that my parents had been provided with the resources to better concord with adoption issues as they came up in our lives to some extent than being sold the happyhappy story by the adoption agency. There are some other things, but those, for me, are the two biggies.
I'm 18. I was adopt at only a few weeks old along with my twin brother.
The general public who adopted me will ALWAYS be my mom and dad. There are always those times when we argue etc. but they raised me and provided for me and i can't think that i would EVER ever call my biological parents mom and dad. Seriously, ever.
I will definitely stay in contact next to my adoptive family, because they are my family, and all the household i've known. The relationship will be the same as if a biological daughter/son stayed in contact near their parents in my opinion.
However, I would like to find my birth parents. And i hold other siblings also but who knows what happened to them, i heard one be in foster care and the rest are unknown when i was adopt.
One main reason i want to find my birth parents is just to know where on earth i came from. I don't know my background, race and I'd really similar to to know that. After a while not knowing whether to check white, other, latino, or whatever on standardized tests was annoying and after having class projects where you look at your family tree and find who you get what traits from... that was hard but i always played it sour like it was okay.
I don't want to hurt my adoptive family but I'm sure they would have a handle on my curiosity. I've been looking into it as i've gotten older.
One day i will gather round them i hope, if they're not deceased or anything... and i'm terrified and nervous of that year but i need it.
There's a show called The Locator, (reunites families) and the quote is perfect:
"You can't find peace until you find adjectives the pieces." Source(s): me
Answers: I would have preferred to be raised next to my natural family, but that did not happen.
Growing up, my duration would have been easier if I had prearranged the facts about my n family. I had no belief, and even the non-identifying info the agency gave my parents was untrue..I found that out once I was within reunion. It sucked to have to make up fantasies in my manager about them.
It also would have been better if my parents would hold been equipped to deal with the psychological issues most adoptees own, like self esteem issues, fears of rejection and abandonment, trust issues, etc. I was born surrounded by 1965, and the facts about the negative aspects of adoption were only beginning to surface, so I do not blame my parents.
Even though I am not an International adoptee, my ap's were first generation American immigrant. Their culture and identity was NOTHING like my own. I look nothing resembling my a family. Of course my being adopted be not nearly as obvious as it is for IA's, I still stuck out like a sore thumb. Not just looks-wise, but everything astute, lol.
It also would have been easier if I had be allowed to grieve the loss of my first Mother. Newborns and their first mothers have a bond which is primal, genetic, and instinctive. It is scientific fact. Of course my a Mom did not follow that, as she had never had a biological child. (she now tell me she understands, because after she adopted me & my a bro, she went on to enjoy a baby, our sister) I learned very rash that talking about my adoption pain hurt my parents, as they took it individually. I didnt want to hurt them, so I just shut down when it came to my adoption. As irrational as it sounds, they could not understand that my wanting to know and love my first mother and first family connections had nothing to do with my love for them.
Being contained by reunion has helped a lot. I get the impression connected, like I am part of something. NOT that I am not a part of my a kith and kin, because I am, but I am now part of something cellular- with inhabitants who are just like me.
ETA:
"was also curious if you stay contained by contact with your adoptive families after you grow up, or find your birth families?"
Yes. My a parents live roughly a mile from me. We (my children and I) see them at least twice a week. I drive them to the store, the doctor's appointments, to events, etc.
"and do you still consider them your mom and dad?"
Yes, why wouldn't I? Reunion does not change that. If anything, my reunion has made my relationship beside my adoptive family BETTER.
Just as I always considered my first Mom and Dad my Mom and Dad, I will always consider my adoptive parents my Mom and Dad. All four of them are my parents. Each have a different role. Source(s): being adopted and in reunion
I'm also a domestic adoptee, from the early seventies.
In Canada, adoptees do enjoy more rights, as far as I can tell. I never had trouble with documentation, I own my OBC and there's been no problem as far as passports or anything. I'm still shocked whenever I hear someone from the states say that they can't get their own store. Seriously, guys, I'm really sorry to hear that. That's terrible.
I was adopted within a closed adoption, however. I suppose I wish that my first mother would have wanted contact. She really didn't. I don't craving for her to have raised me...I don't think it would enjoy been good for either of us...but I unquestionably would have liked to know her before I did.
More than that, though, I loving of wish that I had known my biological brother...he is two years younger than I, and my first mom placed him as very well. If she was going to do that anyhow, I sort of wish she had placed him next to my parents, selfishly. Because I didn't grow up with him, he and I don't share many similar values. When we did meet, it be interesting to meet him, but having such different personalities and helpfulness systems, it's tough for us to really have too much of a relationship. My parents only had me, and I would own loved to have a sibling. I don't want to be a jerk, though. He loves his parents also, and I'm not saying he should never own been with them...only that it would enjoy been nice to have him growing up. Maybe we would have be more alike, who knows...
I didn't have any secrecy or anything growing up. My parents other talked to me about my feelings, talk to me often about my first mom, and always looked-for more openness. My first mom didn't. I don't agree with her choice, but I understand and respect it. I guess it be what she needed at that time.
Now we talk all the time. She's not really my mom, in one and the same sense, but she is a nice person, who gets along well beside my family. I love hearing about some of the things she's done. She's have a pretty interesting life. Source(s): Adoptee, product of a closed, but supportive adoption situation.
Related Questions: