For Birthmothers, what is your story?
How did you decide to place a baby for adoption?
Are you truly happy for your verdict?
How long did it take you to recover emotionally from giving up a child, if ever? (If there be any psycological effects)
Thanks alot!
Any happy "birthmother" is in denial. Either that or a sociopath not fit for society.
Yep, I was one of those women once too who spouted off one and the same carefully scripted crap that the agency pounded into my head for months. I was a broken account, repeating over and over again all the "greatness" they had fed me so that I could stay numb from the torment and not face the truth of how desperately I wanted to raise my son and how appallingly I missed him.
Unless a women had NO influence from adoption agencies or p-aparents while she was pregnant, was not expected to sign her rights away instantly after giving birth and actually given the time needed to recover and try parenting her child first, than coercion was involved and here was no "decision" anywhere. Source(s): How can you recover emotionally when the loss and grief gets worse as the years exceed?
"Are you truly happy for your decision?"
Why does it make sense to believe it is common for mothers to defy nature? give their babies away? be optimistic about it? and something that is recovered from?
You are making a HUGE assumption that a decision was made. In fact, you assume that ALL instinctive mother made a decision of their own free will. Well, a coerced decision is NOT a decision at adjectives, and study after study has shown that at least 69% were coerced into surrendering.
As economically, an informed decision cannot be made until after the mother has fully recovered from birth, which takes at lowest possible six weeks, thus making almost every 'at birth' surrender of a baby done without full consent.
Are we happy? Well, as surrender have been found to be as traumatic and emotionally damaging as sexual abuse, how are we supposed to be smiling about it?
Are you really so naive as to not expect "psychological effects"? What rock have you be living under?
Logan, J. (1996)
* 21% of mothers had made attempts on their lives
* 82% reported significant depression as a result of surrender
* 68% described themselves as having a significant mental form problem.
* 32% had been referred to specialized psychiatric treatment on an out-patient or in-patient basis and 18% have received treatment for a continuous period of 5 years or longer. This compares to a normative statistic of 3% of all women in the U.K. who be referred in 1993 to the same treatment service.
Kelly, J. (1999)
* 89% of mothers answered "Extremely true” to the statement "Relinquishing my child was a traumatic experience. 96% answered any "Extremely true" or "Very true."
* 95% selected the "most frequent" or "most severe" response to one or more items measuring unresolved grief.
* In response to items concerning depression, 51% reported experiencing severe depression since the relinquishment, with 97% reporting some level of depression (mild, moderate, or severe).
* 63% have had thoughts about bloodbath themselves.
* 85% stated it was extremely true that "I was either misled or not informed of the effects that relinquishment would hold on me" Source(s): http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_se…
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_co…
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_co…
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa…
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/open_adoptio…
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/adoption_com…
You "hear stories of women who say they love their decision of adoption"? Goodness gracious - you need to stop reading the propaganda on adoption agency net sites and start listening to real people.
"I be looking for stories that were from making the decision not being coerced or forced to do it." Lots of luck in that. Over 90% of women who "chose" adoption regret it.
I didn't decide anything. Adoption workers come into my hospital room while I was heavily medicated and had me sign papers. They then held my revocation until after the deadline ensure I would not have my baby returned
No and I will not ever be happy until my child is home
Sunny is right. There is no repossession
would a mother ever recover from her child being stolen? being kill? murdered? dying in any way at all? I am a mother and I would NEVER get better from losing my children in any way shape or form. What makes anyone regard adoption by choice or not is a 'recoverable' act?
Its common sense. Mother loses child, mother doesn't recover and nor does the child. There are coping mechanisims that see us to survive, but recover? I don't think so.
I give my son up for adoption hes going to be 9 months on the 19th
It hurts a lot but knowing hes in a home where they couldnt own a family before he came along & the reality that they will love him & take care of him & give him the things he wouldn't enjoy gotten from me is simply worth the pain.
Everyday it hurts more & more but I see the pictures & he has a smile on his face & thats adjectives that matters!
Adoption is something for the unselfish. To give what others cant have.
Whether it be the parents who are adopt the child or the child itself.
& having the satisfaction that you don't have to verbs if you would be able to take care of your child or not.
I couldnt afford him I know from the second I saw the Positive result, his father took off to a different state but later came wager on but he had no job car or house. We have all the love just not enough stablity. It be what was best for the baby.
I had a rough couple of months afterwards. I have points to where I wanted to kill myself. I feel like such a Piece of $#!t person. I drank uncontrollably for weeks & weeks. & I took past its sell-by date for long periods of time, which mae me feeel more like crap cuz i had another child at home. but i couldnt even nude to look at him.
I dont blame you for looking up all these things it will help you in the long run. If you do agree on to do this you can always contact me for support. The agency usually has a therapist but its not impossible to tell apart... Source(s): Birthmother
Like Sunny said. There is no recovery.
I was in a crisis, and the agency come in like a vulture and used every unethical practice surrounded by the book, while I was at my most vunerable.
I will never be happy for "my" decision. My conclusion was based on boldface lies that the professionals told me. It was absolutely never an informed decision because none of the information presented to me was factual. Not even remotely.
I own never recovered. You don't recover from losing a child to adoption unless you are not human or a sociopath or dead.
The psychological effects are many. When you are exploited, degraded, used for your breeding, consequently disposed of like trash..then left alone to miss your little one with all of your heart..it is an unbearable dull pain. A pain that never ever ever ends. It affects every aspect of your life.
ETA: If you want to hear from women that have not be coerced, you are not going to find many, unless you find a woman that recently surrendered her baby. A numb woman still below the influence of agency brainwashing, and still talking the agency talk that they drove into her head. Those same women will be surrounded by agony as soon as they realize how they were screwed out of their babies by a very corrupt industry that cares really nothing about the welfare of these women and the lifelong debilitating scar the loss of a child leaves. I know. I was one of those women.
Look into "disenfranchised grief".
and here is a source to help you near your question
Known Consequences of Separating Mother and Child at Birth
* http://www.originsnsw.com/mentalhealth/i…
I wasn't force, it was my decision. Sonny is right there is no taking back.
Not happy at all with my verdict, because I'm not happy that I had to make that result.
If you want to know my story you will have to go back to my first answers on here. I don't be aware of like being depressed today by writing it again. see no recovery. I simply survived.
There is NO reclamation.
Answers: I had a lot of help within deciding, his family was ashamed of us, the adjectives unwed mother problem.
At the time I was convinced that it must be the right decision since everyone else thought it was. So I'm not a insensitive person, I was never happy just about the decision but I tried to get past it.
I never fully recovered but I did own counseling a few years ago (2000)and that is what helped me make the outcome to search. I didn't tell my husband or in law about the search until after I did it, you see I'm a big girl now and do want I want I'm no longer a young person.
I have been in a pretty pious reunion since 2001. We are both glad I had the courage to look. Source(s): In reunion since 2001
My fm is happy. I think in attendance is still some pain but its no big deal for her. I think it be when she was married to a nice man with another baby that she recovered. I'll receive a lot of thumbs down for that.
I live in England, there are no agencies, no private adoption unless the child have been fostered privately for a year before hand. There's no money exchanged. Social Services can embezzle children away and the courts can force adoption, and under-age mothers can be coerced, but apart from that all adoption is of the mothers free will. Social services sometimes take children away when they shouldnt, but in standard, they're far too keen to keep families together, and in attendance are far more cases of children being forced to stay with nasty parents they dont want to live next to, than there are of nice parents losing their children.
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Adoption Question!?!?
Are you truly happy for your verdict?
How long did it take you to recover emotionally from giving up a child, if ever? (If there be any psycological effects)
Thanks alot!
Any happy "birthmother" is in denial. Either that or a sociopath not fit for society.
Yep, I was one of those women once too who spouted off one and the same carefully scripted crap that the agency pounded into my head for months. I was a broken account, repeating over and over again all the "greatness" they had fed me so that I could stay numb from the torment and not face the truth of how desperately I wanted to raise my son and how appallingly I missed him.
Unless a women had NO influence from adoption agencies or p-aparents while she was pregnant, was not expected to sign her rights away instantly after giving birth and actually given the time needed to recover and try parenting her child first, than coercion was involved and here was no "decision" anywhere. Source(s): How can you recover emotionally when the loss and grief gets worse as the years exceed?
"Are you truly happy for your decision?"
Why does it make sense to believe it is common for mothers to defy nature? give their babies away? be optimistic about it? and something that is recovered from?
You are making a HUGE assumption that a decision was made. In fact, you assume that ALL instinctive mother made a decision of their own free will. Well, a coerced decision is NOT a decision at adjectives, and study after study has shown that at least 69% were coerced into surrendering.
As economically, an informed decision cannot be made until after the mother has fully recovered from birth, which takes at lowest possible six weeks, thus making almost every 'at birth' surrender of a baby done without full consent.
Are we happy? Well, as surrender have been found to be as traumatic and emotionally damaging as sexual abuse, how are we supposed to be smiling about it?
Are you really so naive as to not expect "psychological effects"? What rock have you be living under?
Logan, J. (1996)
* 21% of mothers had made attempts on their lives
* 82% reported significant depression as a result of surrender
* 68% described themselves as having a significant mental form problem.
* 32% had been referred to specialized psychiatric treatment on an out-patient or in-patient basis and 18% have received treatment for a continuous period of 5 years or longer. This compares to a normative statistic of 3% of all women in the U.K. who be referred in 1993 to the same treatment service.
Kelly, J. (1999)
* 89% of mothers answered "Extremely true” to the statement "Relinquishing my child was a traumatic experience. 96% answered any "Extremely true" or "Very true."
* 95% selected the "most frequent" or "most severe" response to one or more items measuring unresolved grief.
* In response to items concerning depression, 51% reported experiencing severe depression since the relinquishment, with 97% reporting some level of depression (mild, moderate, or severe).
* 63% have had thoughts about bloodbath themselves.
* 85% stated it was extremely true that "I was either misled or not informed of the effects that relinquishment would hold on me" Source(s): http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_se…
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_co…
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_co…
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa…
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/open_adoptio…
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/adoption_com…
You "hear stories of women who say they love their decision of adoption"? Goodness gracious - you need to stop reading the propaganda on adoption agency net sites and start listening to real people.
"I be looking for stories that were from making the decision not being coerced or forced to do it." Lots of luck in that. Over 90% of women who "chose" adoption regret it.
I didn't decide anything. Adoption workers come into my hospital room while I was heavily medicated and had me sign papers. They then held my revocation until after the deadline ensure I would not have my baby returned
No and I will not ever be happy until my child is home
Sunny is right. There is no repossession
would a mother ever recover from her child being stolen? being kill? murdered? dying in any way at all? I am a mother and I would NEVER get better from losing my children in any way shape or form. What makes anyone regard adoption by choice or not is a 'recoverable' act?
Its common sense. Mother loses child, mother doesn't recover and nor does the child. There are coping mechanisims that see us to survive, but recover? I don't think so.
I give my son up for adoption hes going to be 9 months on the 19th
It hurts a lot but knowing hes in a home where they couldnt own a family before he came along & the reality that they will love him & take care of him & give him the things he wouldn't enjoy gotten from me is simply worth the pain.
Everyday it hurts more & more but I see the pictures & he has a smile on his face & thats adjectives that matters!
Adoption is something for the unselfish. To give what others cant have.
Whether it be the parents who are adopt the child or the child itself.
& having the satisfaction that you don't have to verbs if you would be able to take care of your child or not.
I couldnt afford him I know from the second I saw the Positive result, his father took off to a different state but later came wager on but he had no job car or house. We have all the love just not enough stablity. It be what was best for the baby.
I had a rough couple of months afterwards. I have points to where I wanted to kill myself. I feel like such a Piece of $#!t person. I drank uncontrollably for weeks & weeks. & I took past its sell-by date for long periods of time, which mae me feeel more like crap cuz i had another child at home. but i couldnt even nude to look at him.
I dont blame you for looking up all these things it will help you in the long run. If you do agree on to do this you can always contact me for support. The agency usually has a therapist but its not impossible to tell apart... Source(s): Birthmother
Like Sunny said. There is no recovery.
I was in a crisis, and the agency come in like a vulture and used every unethical practice surrounded by the book, while I was at my most vunerable.
I will never be happy for "my" decision. My conclusion was based on boldface lies that the professionals told me. It was absolutely never an informed decision because none of the information presented to me was factual. Not even remotely.
I own never recovered. You don't recover from losing a child to adoption unless you are not human or a sociopath or dead.
The psychological effects are many. When you are exploited, degraded, used for your breeding, consequently disposed of like trash..then left alone to miss your little one with all of your heart..it is an unbearable dull pain. A pain that never ever ever ends. It affects every aspect of your life.
ETA: If you want to hear from women that have not be coerced, you are not going to find many, unless you find a woman that recently surrendered her baby. A numb woman still below the influence of agency brainwashing, and still talking the agency talk that they drove into her head. Those same women will be surrounded by agony as soon as they realize how they were screwed out of their babies by a very corrupt industry that cares really nothing about the welfare of these women and the lifelong debilitating scar the loss of a child leaves. I know. I was one of those women.
Look into "disenfranchised grief".
and here is a source to help you near your question
Known Consequences of Separating Mother and Child at Birth
* http://www.originsnsw.com/mentalhealth/i…
I wasn't force, it was my decision. Sonny is right there is no taking back.
Not happy at all with my verdict, because I'm not happy that I had to make that result.
If you want to know my story you will have to go back to my first answers on here. I don't be aware of like being depressed today by writing it again. see no recovery. I simply survived.
There is NO reclamation.
Answers: I had a lot of help within deciding, his family was ashamed of us, the adjectives unwed mother problem.
At the time I was convinced that it must be the right decision since everyone else thought it was. So I'm not a insensitive person, I was never happy just about the decision but I tried to get past it.
I never fully recovered but I did own counseling a few years ago (2000)and that is what helped me make the outcome to search. I didn't tell my husband or in law about the search until after I did it, you see I'm a big girl now and do want I want I'm no longer a young person.
I have been in a pretty pious reunion since 2001. We are both glad I had the courage to look. Source(s): In reunion since 2001
My fm is happy. I think in attendance is still some pain but its no big deal for her. I think it be when she was married to a nice man with another baby that she recovered. I'll receive a lot of thumbs down for that.
I live in England, there are no agencies, no private adoption unless the child have been fostered privately for a year before hand. There's no money exchanged. Social Services can embezzle children away and the courts can force adoption, and under-age mothers can be coerced, but apart from that all adoption is of the mothers free will. Social services sometimes take children away when they shouldnt, but in standard, they're far too keen to keep families together, and in attendance are far more cases of children being forced to stay with nasty parents they dont want to live next to, than there are of nice parents losing their children.
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