Should I or shouldn't I?
Last week my Nana passed away.
At her services my Great Uncle told my Father and his 4 brothers they had a 1/2 brother who was adopted by my Nana's father's side of the household and is still living in Canda.
My father and uncles never knew of this man.. this man is now 61 yrs ripened and has asked for a picture of my Nana.
My father and his brothers don't want to make contact... my Dad said that his Mother must of had a intention to take this "secret" with her to the grave as she had plenty of time to enlighten us after my Grandfather died. I can't belive no one ever said anything. I can't get it out of my head ... I wonder what he looks liek what his kids are resembling .. etc.
I got contact infor from my Great Auntie. I know I should respect my father and my uncles wishes... but I don't want to just let it budge and forget we found out about him..
You know your family best. How angry will your father be with you if he finds out you made contact next to his brother? I think you have to weigh the risks and make a decree from there. I feel sorry for this man that none of his 5 brothers wants anything to do near him. : (
Her function may have been as simple as she was ashamed she give him up and didn't want the family to hate her if they found out. I think it is honestly your declaration, has your father actually forbidden you to make contact or does he simply not want to do so himself? Can you great aunt tender you any more details on why the child was given up?
Answers: Your Nana is gone and I am very sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
Your father and his brothers have Freedom of Choice. Likewise, if you are an full-size...you are accorded the same freedom of choice.
Your Nana's Secret probably was the Secret of Shame, but she is gone now...and so is the 'shame'. Though I strongly suspect it is your father and his brothers who are still artificial by 'shame'.
Is there a definitive reason why you want to contact this Uncle who was adopt? Is it only out of mere curiousity? If it is...certainly is not a good satisfactory reason to make contact with another human individual..as an object of curiousity. Have you really delved into yourself in why you want to collect this man? Will there be repercussions from your immediate family should you come upon this Uncle you have just recently found going on for? If you are truly ready for *Family Backlash* and not wanting to make contact for curiousity reasons solitary... I would say make contact with your new-found Uncle...write him a friendly memo, letting him know you are glad to have found out about him, write about yourself and your children (if you hold any). Leave your dad and uncles out of the equation for now...since they have freely chosen not to make contact, which is their right to do so.
A condensed story, not an adoption story, but a story of a lost loved one (maybe not so condensed!)... I belong to Genes Reunited (UK). One of my mother's brothers totally disappeared right away after WWII, never to be heard from again. I had posted that I was looking for family connections members of my mother and gave the names of my loving grandparents, siblings and the address where they all lived for most of their childhoods. I received an email from a young woman, aphorism she thought her grandfather was my mother's brother. After a few emails and a telephone call...YES! contained by fact her grandad was my missing Uncle Charlie, who had solitary died the year before. I was so happy to breed her acquaintance, and she mine..to include her father and her uncle (her father's brother...both my first cousins). Til the day Uncle Charlie died...he told his family forever that he be an ORPHAN! and had no living relatives (he had 8 siblings). I called that end living sibling of my mother (mom had already passed away).. my Aunt. I told her about her brother Charlie and she didn't seem at adjectives shocked. I asked her why do you think he told that 'story' and why he never made contact again with his family? Aunt J said..'He be ashamed..he was ashamed that his family was poor. We may own started out that way..but we did not remain that way. He never knew that we be no longer a 'poor family', because he never contacted us again..he didn't contact us..because of HIS Shame!"
So if you do decide to make contact...make that contact next to a loving and caring heart for another family member. My new-found ethnic group members were more than willing to remain within contact with me and were very excited to know that they truly had so many family member...family they never knew even existed! Penny was one and only 22 yrs old when she contacted me and loved her grandad so very much...but she always 'felt' that grandad wasn't relating the truth. Her suspicions were totally on the mark! Uncle Charlies' sons at the beginning be quite devastated that their father would so boldly lie to them since the day they be born. My Uncle Charlie thought he took 'his secret' to the grave with him.he didn't! The person that Uncle Charlie cheated the most was...himself.
So none of your uncles want to meet him either? That's strange. Obviously this mystery brother wants to know someone, I'd try to craft contact but be careful.
Related Questions:
I don't want my mom to bequeath the babe up for adoption?
Adopting a tribal child from China?
Is it possible to legitimately "un-adopt" a child?
At her services my Great Uncle told my Father and his 4 brothers they had a 1/2 brother who was adopted by my Nana's father's side of the household and is still living in Canda.
My father and uncles never knew of this man.. this man is now 61 yrs ripened and has asked for a picture of my Nana.
My father and his brothers don't want to make contact... my Dad said that his Mother must of had a intention to take this "secret" with her to the grave as she had plenty of time to enlighten us after my Grandfather died. I can't belive no one ever said anything. I can't get it out of my head ... I wonder what he looks liek what his kids are resembling .. etc.
I got contact infor from my Great Auntie. I know I should respect my father and my uncles wishes... but I don't want to just let it budge and forget we found out about him..
You know your family best. How angry will your father be with you if he finds out you made contact next to his brother? I think you have to weigh the risks and make a decree from there. I feel sorry for this man that none of his 5 brothers wants anything to do near him. : (
Her function may have been as simple as she was ashamed she give him up and didn't want the family to hate her if they found out. I think it is honestly your declaration, has your father actually forbidden you to make contact or does he simply not want to do so himself? Can you great aunt tender you any more details on why the child was given up?
Answers: Your Nana is gone and I am very sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
Your father and his brothers have Freedom of Choice. Likewise, if you are an full-size...you are accorded the same freedom of choice.
Your Nana's Secret probably was the Secret of Shame, but she is gone now...and so is the 'shame'. Though I strongly suspect it is your father and his brothers who are still artificial by 'shame'.
Is there a definitive reason why you want to contact this Uncle who was adopt? Is it only out of mere curiousity? If it is...certainly is not a good satisfactory reason to make contact with another human individual..as an object of curiousity. Have you really delved into yourself in why you want to collect this man? Will there be repercussions from your immediate family should you come upon this Uncle you have just recently found going on for? If you are truly ready for *Family Backlash* and not wanting to make contact for curiousity reasons solitary... I would say make contact with your new-found Uncle...write him a friendly memo, letting him know you are glad to have found out about him, write about yourself and your children (if you hold any). Leave your dad and uncles out of the equation for now...since they have freely chosen not to make contact, which is their right to do so.
A condensed story, not an adoption story, but a story of a lost loved one (maybe not so condensed!)... I belong to Genes Reunited (UK). One of my mother's brothers totally disappeared right away after WWII, never to be heard from again. I had posted that I was looking for family connections members of my mother and gave the names of my loving grandparents, siblings and the address where they all lived for most of their childhoods. I received an email from a young woman, aphorism she thought her grandfather was my mother's brother. After a few emails and a telephone call...YES! contained by fact her grandad was my missing Uncle Charlie, who had solitary died the year before. I was so happy to breed her acquaintance, and she mine..to include her father and her uncle (her father's brother...both my first cousins). Til the day Uncle Charlie died...he told his family forever that he be an ORPHAN! and had no living relatives (he had 8 siblings). I called that end living sibling of my mother (mom had already passed away).. my Aunt. I told her about her brother Charlie and she didn't seem at adjectives shocked. I asked her why do you think he told that 'story' and why he never made contact again with his family? Aunt J said..'He be ashamed..he was ashamed that his family was poor. We may own started out that way..but we did not remain that way. He never knew that we be no longer a 'poor family', because he never contacted us again..he didn't contact us..because of HIS Shame!"
So if you do decide to make contact...make that contact next to a loving and caring heart for another family member. My new-found ethnic group members were more than willing to remain within contact with me and were very excited to know that they truly had so many family member...family they never knew even existed! Penny was one and only 22 yrs old when she contacted me and loved her grandad so very much...but she always 'felt' that grandad wasn't relating the truth. Her suspicions were totally on the mark! Uncle Charlies' sons at the beginning be quite devastated that their father would so boldly lie to them since the day they be born. My Uncle Charlie thought he took 'his secret' to the grave with him.he didn't! The person that Uncle Charlie cheated the most was...himself.
So none of your uncles want to meet him either? That's strange. Obviously this mystery brother wants to know someone, I'd try to craft contact but be careful.
Related Questions: