Do I detail my adopt daughter in the region of her biological father?
I have a beautiful adopted daughter who newly turned 9 and she is asking about her biological Father. This will be a wall of text but it's important for everyone to figure out how complex this issue is.
To make this easier to explain, lets just hail as my daughter biological mother Jeanie. My Jeanie was 15 when she got pregnant. To make matter worse, she is developmentally disabled, she has the mental capacity of a six year old. My daughter's grandmother claimed she could not embezzle the stress of raising an infant and a special needs teenager. She fixed to put the baby up for adoption and our pastor knew we starting the adoption process. We got contained by contract and she decided that we would make wonderful parents to her granddaughter. Of course the police were looking for the father, next to the mother being mentally disabled, it was a crime. My daughter's grandparent said the father was credible the husband of the women that watched Jeanie while they worked. When Jeanie was questioned on what happen, she wouldn't say anything and she wouldn't tell who had be abusing her. The police were waiting on the baby to be born for a DNA indication to move forward with the case.
After my daughter was born and we received custody, we feel it was very import to verbs to include Jeanie in our lives. She would be dropped off with us once a week, I would study her and have her help me with our daughter. I don't believe contained by closed adoptions or lying to children about their origins. A DNA sample be taken at birth but it did not match the accused suspect. Two months after my daughter's birth, an unknown person dropped an anonymous trip that her father, my daughter grandfather, be sexually abusing Jeanie. A DNA test was issued and he game, so my daughter's father is also her grandfather. Look back I feel horrible I didn't see the signs myself, she was so startled when her father came to pick her up. It was discovered that besides the sexual abuse, nearby was a lot of physical abuse by both parents. Jeanie's mother despondently stood her the man who did the unthinkable to her daughter and placed Jeanie in foster care. By this time I had really bonded near Jeanie and didn't want her to be with strangers during this difficult time. She can have a very difficult time getting used to family and she felt like the breakup of her family be her fault. My Husband and myself decided we would take custody until Jeanie's mother come around. We felt that it was import for Jeanie be near her daughter since this was the only family she have now. Jeanie's mother never did deal with what happen and to this day claims it's was all Jeanie's defect. We have been her legal guardians since next and she has lived with us in our home.
My daughter know she was adopted and that Jeanie is her biological mother. While this has be difficult to concord with now that she has passed Jeanie mentally, we believe it's for the best. I enjoy put my daughter in counseling to deal with her biological mother problems and getting closure on the inability to hold a normal mother - daughter relationship with Jeanie. We have not told her just about her father, she is now asking about him. I always hoped that when this daylight came I would have figured out what to enlighten her. Now that's it's here, I don't know what to say.
I could lie to her and tell her that we don't know, immensely few people know who the father is. But I don't want to lie to her, plus I fear what would begin if she learned the truth from someone besides my husband or myself.
On the other hand the truth is really ugly, her father is also her grandfather. She understand her mothers development and that she is a child mentally, do know what her father did, I just want to protect her. I love my daughter with adjectives my heart, all I want is for her to be happy. I also have to consider Jeanie within all of this, I love her too, I think of her as my daughter also. Anything to do with her father upsets her. The trial be heartbreaking when she was asked question she would freeze up and just shut down, she be so scared of her what her father would do if she ever told. I've had her in counseling since she started living near us, a lot of process has been made but I'm worried something like what will happen if my daughter doesn't take the news within the best way. I was hoping at this point I would have the answers but I'm lately left with more questions, I don't want to hurt my daughter. I entail advice, prayers, anything, I can't keep blowing off my daughters question.
oh, wow, im really really sorry, this is big, okay, I suggest that you don't tell your daughter the truth for now, she's only 9, don't cart her childhood away from her, this could make a negative impact on her. As for what to tell her, Im sorry, I really don't know what you can speak about her, you can ask your pastor for advice on what to say to the poo child.. I hope things go very well with you and your family.
God Bless
This question should be answered by professionals. You need to go to a familial counselor first to explain the situation, and then your daughter needs to join you. She will not take the whole situation at her age, so discussions will have to be ongoing. Does she also have an adoptive father who should be sharing this edict?
As an adopted child myself. I felt it was so historic to know who I biologically am. I was told my life story when I was 15. Now I'm 17. At the tender age of 9, I surmise your daughter's story will be difficult to understand. But you must eventually tell her. It's so vital to make clear to her the truth.
My prayers go out to you, good luck. xx
if u think she is old ample and ready for it and mature enough for it and is mentally strong plenty to hear about it
let somebody know her while she's young b4 she reaches old and will be angry next to you that you never told her
also
its like learning
kids have to cram while they are small not when they are old
so do it but do it in a calm method and plz rate my answer as the best answer plz
Oh wow. I'm so sorry for you, your daughter, and Jeanie. I'm not really sure what you should say... How old is your daughter presently? Maybe just tell her that nobody really knows who her father is (it's true that only just anyone knows) and that you can't be sure. I'd just be afraid she might ask Jeanie then. Ugh. What a terrible situation. You're probably best to a short time ago tell her the truth. As long as she's old enough to knob it. And make sure she continues with her counseling. My heart goes out to you and your kith and kin. Good luck.
I am praying for you, It will be hard but I think you obligation to be honest and tell her she may pick up on it later on in enthusiasm if you don't. How doesn't Jeanie like grandpa? Or with the DNA testshe can get a copy of that since its her dna tested ( probably at approaching 18 though. ) Jeanie was probably threatened beaten and sexualy abused by her father all at once and she is terrified of him. Make sure she is safe there and May need an establish of protection against him from every going around you all. Are jeanies parents still together? Jeanies mom wants to point blame on everyone else but who is the one - ones really guilty of the crime. Being honest and tell you daughters counsers to better sustain her as well as you all being near for each other.
Heather
Oh, what a sad story.
You influence your daughter is in counselling now? I would discuss with her counsellor what the best article is to do. I think it's important that she knows at some point, as near might be some genetic issues involved in having the same man as both father and grandfather. But it's going to be a vastly difficult thing for her to come to terms with.
No point hiding the information as it is just a matter of time before particular. If done at your own timing, it may turn out to your advantage. Wait for the right opportunity and gain from it. Good luck.
You need professional minister to.
This a very, very complex, and painful issue.
But I don't ruminate deliberately lying to her is the best.
Imagine what happens when she does find out, because eventually she will.
My heart goes out... this cannot be anywhere implicit easy.
Professional counseling and advice from a specialist is the best way to be in motion.
But i just think that deliberately lying to her, isn't a right thing.
Good God! You are a saint. Your daughter does not need to know the really awful truth. Especially not at age 9. Tell her you don't know. When she gets older, it will be clear to her that her her biological mom was raped. After that, she may not want to know. When she gets older, and I aim a lot older, maybe the daylight will come where you have to tell her the truth. I wouldn't though unless unquestionably necessary. If ever there was a hidden to take to the grave, this is it. That's just my 2 cents.
You sound similar to a wonderful mom and human being in general. I'm sure doesn`t matter what you do will be the right thing. Always keep reiterating to your daughter that she is special and you feel so lucky to hold her. Even though the circumstances of her birth are so horrible, just let her know that you feel fortunate because it's what bought her to you. From my perspective, if something be ever a miracle it is this. Everything was so terrible for Jeanie, but the stars aligned and you were within to make it right.
Ouch! You really do need to sit down and have a serious bargain with her, and soon. I'm sorry that it's not going to be an easy one, but she sounds like she handle stuff sensibly, and so I think - as long as it's couched in the appropriate spoken communication for her understanding, she'll take it pretty well.
You own my sincerest and warmest thoughts.
wow.
its the most ugly situation. I think she should be told, but i wouldn't tell her even so. I would say that you are currently trying to find out the details on her father, but you would tell her when all the facts are collated. Stall her essentially until she is a lot older and able to cope next to it.
I don't know if its thevright thing, its what i would do.
How awful. Blessings to you and your special family
That's a really difficult position to be in. I would reflect on it would be more difficult for her to deal with if she knew the truth. Think of it this approach...how would her knowing the truth benefit her...how would her not knowing the truth harm her?
Unless you believe that she would eventually put two and two together...the fact that her biological mother was removed from her parents because of treat roughly not long after she was born...then I would suggest just relating her that her father is unknown.
What does the counselor she sees currently say about what would be appropriate to describe her?
Well...it is tough but you have struck to the truth and you should do that again. You are one courageous, kind and honest couple and I am sure your daughter will thieve clues from you about it. So take her to a room, you do not need to involve Jeannie contained by it at all, and tell her that she can only own the answer, if she is ready to handle it and if she promises that she will not drop it on Jeannie. I am sure she will promise that. Then, you can say that her grandfather is also her father and to be precise all you know. You can also tell her that you kept it from her because you have other thought of him only as an abuser and did not want her to have any interaction with him. Leave at that, be next to her and be strong. I hope everything will be alright. May God be with you.
There are ways of putting together bits and pieces of the pie for your daughter, and telling her the truth, without recitation her the whole truth.
Tell her something like, "Your father did some pretty bad things to your first mom (Jeanie), and it be a crime. At this time, I think it's best to know that he was someone in authority over her, and he's gone to put in prison now, and can't bother you, and when you're older, we'll talk more in the order of this, but I think for right now, you need to wait".
This track, it still is the truth, however, I think she and you will need some help on how to follow this. Also, some genetic counseling for your daughter for the future might be needed, because of the incest, and because of her 1st mom's limited capacity.
There's times when kids in recent times can't understand the entire story. It's like we tell them that love creates babies and that it take a mommy and a daddy, but we don't tell them about intercourse until later.
Answers: I would encourage you to tell the truth--your daughter is not too young to figure out this. My children are younger than yours and they understand. They have a hard time incorporating the information into their identity, so they are working with a therapist. I would suggest that your daughter has someone to speak to as all right. If you start therapy now, she can start discussing the issues at hand (with her biological mother) and the consultant can guide you about telling her the rest.
This is scary to travel through, but after the first time it gets easier, I swear. You will talk about this throughout her enthusiasm, but it feels scariest the first time.
I'm not sure how many people hold had to give their children information like this, so if you would resembling to email me, I would be willing to share information about how my children dealt next to this, well, continue to deal next to this.
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To make this easier to explain, lets just hail as my daughter biological mother Jeanie. My Jeanie was 15 when she got pregnant. To make matter worse, she is developmentally disabled, she has the mental capacity of a six year old. My daughter's grandmother claimed she could not embezzle the stress of raising an infant and a special needs teenager. She fixed to put the baby up for adoption and our pastor knew we starting the adoption process. We got contained by contract and she decided that we would make wonderful parents to her granddaughter. Of course the police were looking for the father, next to the mother being mentally disabled, it was a crime. My daughter's grandparent said the father was credible the husband of the women that watched Jeanie while they worked. When Jeanie was questioned on what happen, she wouldn't say anything and she wouldn't tell who had be abusing her. The police were waiting on the baby to be born for a DNA indication to move forward with the case.
After my daughter was born and we received custody, we feel it was very import to verbs to include Jeanie in our lives. She would be dropped off with us once a week, I would study her and have her help me with our daughter. I don't believe contained by closed adoptions or lying to children about their origins. A DNA sample be taken at birth but it did not match the accused suspect. Two months after my daughter's birth, an unknown person dropped an anonymous trip that her father, my daughter grandfather, be sexually abusing Jeanie. A DNA test was issued and he game, so my daughter's father is also her grandfather. Look back I feel horrible I didn't see the signs myself, she was so startled when her father came to pick her up. It was discovered that besides the sexual abuse, nearby was a lot of physical abuse by both parents. Jeanie's mother despondently stood her the man who did the unthinkable to her daughter and placed Jeanie in foster care. By this time I had really bonded near Jeanie and didn't want her to be with strangers during this difficult time. She can have a very difficult time getting used to family and she felt like the breakup of her family be her fault. My Husband and myself decided we would take custody until Jeanie's mother come around. We felt that it was import for Jeanie be near her daughter since this was the only family she have now. Jeanie's mother never did deal with what happen and to this day claims it's was all Jeanie's defect. We have been her legal guardians since next and she has lived with us in our home.
My daughter know she was adopted and that Jeanie is her biological mother. While this has be difficult to concord with now that she has passed Jeanie mentally, we believe it's for the best. I enjoy put my daughter in counseling to deal with her biological mother problems and getting closure on the inability to hold a normal mother - daughter relationship with Jeanie. We have not told her just about her father, she is now asking about him. I always hoped that when this daylight came I would have figured out what to enlighten her. Now that's it's here, I don't know what to say.
I could lie to her and tell her that we don't know, immensely few people know who the father is. But I don't want to lie to her, plus I fear what would begin if she learned the truth from someone besides my husband or myself.
On the other hand the truth is really ugly, her father is also her grandfather. She understand her mothers development and that she is a child mentally, do know what her father did, I just want to protect her. I love my daughter with adjectives my heart, all I want is for her to be happy. I also have to consider Jeanie within all of this, I love her too, I think of her as my daughter also. Anything to do with her father upsets her. The trial be heartbreaking when she was asked question she would freeze up and just shut down, she be so scared of her what her father would do if she ever told. I've had her in counseling since she started living near us, a lot of process has been made but I'm worried something like what will happen if my daughter doesn't take the news within the best way. I was hoping at this point I would have the answers but I'm lately left with more questions, I don't want to hurt my daughter. I entail advice, prayers, anything, I can't keep blowing off my daughters question.
oh, wow, im really really sorry, this is big, okay, I suggest that you don't tell your daughter the truth for now, she's only 9, don't cart her childhood away from her, this could make a negative impact on her. As for what to tell her, Im sorry, I really don't know what you can speak about her, you can ask your pastor for advice on what to say to the poo child.. I hope things go very well with you and your family.
God Bless
This question should be answered by professionals. You need to go to a familial counselor first to explain the situation, and then your daughter needs to join you. She will not take the whole situation at her age, so discussions will have to be ongoing. Does she also have an adoptive father who should be sharing this edict?
As an adopted child myself. I felt it was so historic to know who I biologically am. I was told my life story when I was 15. Now I'm 17. At the tender age of 9, I surmise your daughter's story will be difficult to understand. But you must eventually tell her. It's so vital to make clear to her the truth.
My prayers go out to you, good luck. xx
if u think she is old ample and ready for it and mature enough for it and is mentally strong plenty to hear about it
let somebody know her while she's young b4 she reaches old and will be angry next to you that you never told her
also
its like learning
kids have to cram while they are small not when they are old
so do it but do it in a calm method and plz rate my answer as the best answer plz
Oh wow. I'm so sorry for you, your daughter, and Jeanie. I'm not really sure what you should say... How old is your daughter presently? Maybe just tell her that nobody really knows who her father is (it's true that only just anyone knows) and that you can't be sure. I'd just be afraid she might ask Jeanie then. Ugh. What a terrible situation. You're probably best to a short time ago tell her the truth. As long as she's old enough to knob it. And make sure she continues with her counseling. My heart goes out to you and your kith and kin. Good luck.
I am praying for you, It will be hard but I think you obligation to be honest and tell her she may pick up on it later on in enthusiasm if you don't. How doesn't Jeanie like grandpa? Or with the DNA testshe can get a copy of that since its her dna tested ( probably at approaching 18 though. ) Jeanie was probably threatened beaten and sexualy abused by her father all at once and she is terrified of him. Make sure she is safe there and May need an establish of protection against him from every going around you all. Are jeanies parents still together? Jeanies mom wants to point blame on everyone else but who is the one - ones really guilty of the crime. Being honest and tell you daughters counsers to better sustain her as well as you all being near for each other.
Heather
Oh, what a sad story.
You influence your daughter is in counselling now? I would discuss with her counsellor what the best article is to do. I think it's important that she knows at some point, as near might be some genetic issues involved in having the same man as both father and grandfather. But it's going to be a vastly difficult thing for her to come to terms with.
No point hiding the information as it is just a matter of time before particular. If done at your own timing, it may turn out to your advantage. Wait for the right opportunity and gain from it. Good luck.
You need professional minister to.
This a very, very complex, and painful issue.
But I don't ruminate deliberately lying to her is the best.
Imagine what happens when she does find out, because eventually she will.
My heart goes out... this cannot be anywhere implicit easy.
Professional counseling and advice from a specialist is the best way to be in motion.
But i just think that deliberately lying to her, isn't a right thing.
Good God! You are a saint. Your daughter does not need to know the really awful truth. Especially not at age 9. Tell her you don't know. When she gets older, it will be clear to her that her her biological mom was raped. After that, she may not want to know. When she gets older, and I aim a lot older, maybe the daylight will come where you have to tell her the truth. I wouldn't though unless unquestionably necessary. If ever there was a hidden to take to the grave, this is it. That's just my 2 cents.
You sound similar to a wonderful mom and human being in general. I'm sure doesn`t matter what you do will be the right thing. Always keep reiterating to your daughter that she is special and you feel so lucky to hold her. Even though the circumstances of her birth are so horrible, just let her know that you feel fortunate because it's what bought her to you. From my perspective, if something be ever a miracle it is this. Everything was so terrible for Jeanie, but the stars aligned and you were within to make it right.
Ouch! You really do need to sit down and have a serious bargain with her, and soon. I'm sorry that it's not going to be an easy one, but she sounds like she handle stuff sensibly, and so I think - as long as it's couched in the appropriate spoken communication for her understanding, she'll take it pretty well.
You own my sincerest and warmest thoughts.
wow.
its the most ugly situation. I think she should be told, but i wouldn't tell her even so. I would say that you are currently trying to find out the details on her father, but you would tell her when all the facts are collated. Stall her essentially until she is a lot older and able to cope next to it.
I don't know if its thevright thing, its what i would do.
How awful. Blessings to you and your special family
That's a really difficult position to be in. I would reflect on it would be more difficult for her to deal with if she knew the truth. Think of it this approach...how would her knowing the truth benefit her...how would her not knowing the truth harm her?
Unless you believe that she would eventually put two and two together...the fact that her biological mother was removed from her parents because of treat roughly not long after she was born...then I would suggest just relating her that her father is unknown.
What does the counselor she sees currently say about what would be appropriate to describe her?
Well...it is tough but you have struck to the truth and you should do that again. You are one courageous, kind and honest couple and I am sure your daughter will thieve clues from you about it. So take her to a room, you do not need to involve Jeannie contained by it at all, and tell her that she can only own the answer, if she is ready to handle it and if she promises that she will not drop it on Jeannie. I am sure she will promise that. Then, you can say that her grandfather is also her father and to be precise all you know. You can also tell her that you kept it from her because you have other thought of him only as an abuser and did not want her to have any interaction with him. Leave at that, be next to her and be strong. I hope everything will be alright. May God be with you.
There are ways of putting together bits and pieces of the pie for your daughter, and telling her the truth, without recitation her the whole truth.
Tell her something like, "Your father did some pretty bad things to your first mom (Jeanie), and it be a crime. At this time, I think it's best to know that he was someone in authority over her, and he's gone to put in prison now, and can't bother you, and when you're older, we'll talk more in the order of this, but I think for right now, you need to wait".
This track, it still is the truth, however, I think she and you will need some help on how to follow this. Also, some genetic counseling for your daughter for the future might be needed, because of the incest, and because of her 1st mom's limited capacity.
There's times when kids in recent times can't understand the entire story. It's like we tell them that love creates babies and that it take a mommy and a daddy, but we don't tell them about intercourse until later.
Answers: I would encourage you to tell the truth--your daughter is not too young to figure out this. My children are younger than yours and they understand. They have a hard time incorporating the information into their identity, so they are working with a therapist. I would suggest that your daughter has someone to speak to as all right. If you start therapy now, she can start discussing the issues at hand (with her biological mother) and the consultant can guide you about telling her the rest.
This is scary to travel through, but after the first time it gets easier, I swear. You will talk about this throughout her enthusiasm, but it feels scariest the first time.
I'm not sure how many people hold had to give their children information like this, so if you would resembling to email me, I would be willing to share information about how my children dealt next to this, well, continue to deal next to this.
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